Does your BF/GF get upset because of your aspie traits?

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stevechoi
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24 Jan 2008, 12:23 pm

Does your gf or bf get upset or annoyed because you aren't good with social cues and just don't have common sense when it comes to situations?

In other words, does he/she get upset or annoyed because you're not normal?



rushfanatic
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24 Jan 2008, 1:00 pm

stevechoi wrote:
Does your gf or bf get upset or annoyed because you aren't good with social cues and just don't have common sense when it comes to situations?

In other words, does he/she get upset or annoyed because you're not normal?
I am the avid reader in the family, and he gets peeved sometimes that I would rather pour over vintage magazines and books than other things he would like to do....



24 Jan 2008, 3:09 pm

Nope and nope but I think my last two did.



EvilKimEvil
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24 Jan 2008, 6:08 pm

Yes, he gets mad when I use the wrong tone and accidentally sound angry. He thinks I really am angry and I'm just lying about it being accidental in order to avoid confrontation, or something. But he doesn't know about AS, so I can't blame him.



mmaestro
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24 Jan 2008, 6:20 pm

It varies. My wife certainly gets annoyed with me at times, more so when I'm being more autistic (my traits are more obvious when I'm tired, which currently is about all the time), but as she's pointed out, every relationship has its difficulties. We have different difficulties to other people, and they have to be dealt with differently, but fundamentally if you try to work on understanding and respecting each other, you should be OK.
Er.. does that answer the question, or did I digress too far?


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DuceXcreW
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25 Jan 2008, 11:48 am

All the time. If I'm in a social situation with them [speaking of past relationships] they get upset at my limited, very limited, social interaction.

When I try to avoid upsetting them by avoiding social situations, they get upset that I "Never want to do things with them." Little do they understand that I'm very much so willing to do a large range of things with (With, not TO :P) them -- just not things that involve many other people.



AussieAspie
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26 Jan 2008, 10:44 pm

I always argued with my X wife because she could never see things my way. Having Aspergers means I tend to feel personally hurt if my side of a situation is not taken into consideration. That in turn makes me angry and wether or not I mean to, I just seem to go on the attack. Putting my foot in and stuffing things up even more. When I try to explain myself or apologise for my behaviour I end up thinking "what am I doing this for", "why can't she apologise to me for taking me the wrong way".

I seem to be fantastic at making a mess of simple missunderstandings, that is what led to our marriage breakup. Its a pitty someone couldn't invent an Aspie translation device to help us out.



Kilroy
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27 Jan 2008, 11:10 am

a reason I simply don't try with girls is I feel they don't understand me and I am distrusting of them



Mikomi
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27 Jan 2008, 1:25 pm

stevechoi wrote:
Does your gf or bf get upset or annoyed because you aren't good with social cues and just don't have common sense when it comes to situations?

In other words, does he/she get upset or annoyed because you're not normal?


I think for the most part in my own relationship there has been acceptance of these traits. However, even though we both possess these traits and understand them, it doesn't mean they don't annoy (both of) us from time to time.



pakled
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27 Jan 2008, 10:05 pm

oh yeah. The missus is constantly berating me whenever I go into AS behavior mode. She hates it, and thinks I use it as an excuse. It's more of an explanation. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the whole thing, and actually feel a little better knowing some of the constraints, etc.

but yeah....



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28 Jan 2008, 12:12 am

I've only dated online, but if I dated in real life, I think whoever I'm dating would get annoyed. Unless of course they AS themself, or are a very understaning NT, it would be fine.



Sedaka
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28 Jan 2008, 8:52 am

AussieAspie wrote:
I always argued with my X wife because she could never see things my way. Having Aspergers means I tend to feel personally hurt if my side of a situation is not taken into consideration. That in turn makes me angry and wether or not I mean to, I just seem to go on the attack. Putting my foot in and stuffing things up even more. When I try to explain myself or apologise for my behaviour I end up thinking "what am I doing this for", "why can't she apologise to me for taking me the wrong way".

I seem to be fantastic at making a mess of simple missunderstandings, that is what led to our marriage breakup. Its a pitty someone couldn't invent an Aspie translation device to help us out.


this is me to a T.........

all my ex BFs still say they love me... but i can't see why when all i did was drive them crazy... i always felt trivialized and like i didnt matter cause they never seemed to consider what i thought important...

and it always came down to me not feeling sorry for being upset even when i had to apologize EVERY time... just to make them feel better... sometimes they would cry and this was hard for me cause i never knew what to do...

always seemed to take me about 3yrs of this stuff in a relationship to realize that the pattern wouldn't change and that for whatever reason (didn't know about AS) that they were better off w/o me.

now i know about AS and coincidently haven't dated anyone since.


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dragonling
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28 Jan 2008, 10:46 am

I get upset.

Not angry, because it's not intentional- but it's the most frustrating thing in the world to have this wall in the way.

I'm on the couch now; i can't bear it. He's on WP, too, and i'm here trying to understand.

He can't express emotions. I'm not always sure he experiences any but the most vivid.

He can't hear me when i express mine. The words are in English, but that's about it.

And i get ignored all the time.

We thought he had trauma issues and would recover; it turns out he has trauma ans Asperger's, and will recover but will not change.

Yeah, i sure do get upset. I cry a lot.



dragonling
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28 Jan 2008, 10:53 am

I get upset.

Not angry, because it's not intentional- but it's the most frustrating thing in the world to have this wall in the way.

I'm on the couch now; i can't bear it. He's on WP, too, and i'm here trying to understand.

He can't express emotions. I'm not always sure he experiences any but the most vivid.

He can't hear me when i express mine. The words are in English, but that's about it.

And i get ignored all the time.

We thought he had trauma issues and would recover; it turns out he has trauma ans Asperger's, and will recover but will not change.

Yeah, i sure do get upset. I cry a lot.