Have you ever ended a relationship but had second thoughts?

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I have a question to throw out into the asperger's universe. I was in a relationship with a man/boy with AS for nearly a year. I went through this whole needy female "where is our relationship going" rant and and I kept asking him if he would just prefer to be friends. He always had this very distant quality that made me feel insecure, like he could just change his mind at any moment. He decided that he would prefer to be just friends. In retrospect i think I bombarded him with to many of my issues, which I regret very deeply. The thing is, I'm still madly in love with him and I want to know if there's hope. I know that he loves me (although he's never said it, he put it in a letter once)and I love him.
We're still great friends and I feel like there's legitimate hope, but I want to know if it's common for someone with AS to feel overwhelmed in a relationship and call the whole thing off. And do they eventually relize that maybe they had a good thing and consider giving it another shot. Please give me some insight! How do I go about trying to reconcile?

I have had this feeling before. I was in a relationship wth an Aspie for three years. We lived 1,200 miles away--I live in Texas, she lived in Minnesota. She and I got along very well. But we were exact opposites on a lot of things.

Also, I was (and still am) pursuing a degree in geology, and I discovered that (at the time) nearly all the jobs in that field were either in Texas or California, and she had estimated that it would take her 5 years to be ready to move anywhere. So we had to end the relationship.

She and I are still very good friends, but there is a part of me that feels a bit guilty about not continuing the relationship.

I think most people have gone through this at one time or another. Sometimes it's because there really is a good reason to get back together. Other times we retain feelings for people even if the relationship is a bad idea. Some people we'll remember fondly and care about forever, and that's okay, too.

If you both care about each other and another try seems reasonable, you should do it. If you don't, you'll wonder what might have happened and it will be harder to get over it.

Flakey broke up with me for several months...because he had second thoughts about his ex....and I guess we got back together because he had second thoguths about that....then a few years later, I broke up with him for several months and moved to another state...(was having mid-late-youth crisis)
....we have been back together since pre-Christmas of last year..

Anytime flakey ever breaks up with anyone, he always has second thoughts...he says it is part of his brain disease

That's what I thought! I feel like his brain sometimes operates before his heart and feelings have time to catch up. He approached our break up sort of cliniclly but recently, hanging out wiht him, I fell this new level of sensitivity.

Never.

My husband is an aspie. We only broke up one time when we were dating. His ex-fiance came back to town. He had so many thoughts he could'nt make a decision. I finally told him to choose. Either the girl that broke his heart, or the one that was willing to help him. After a couple of days he finally chose me. Basically, he knew he loved me, but he was on overload. When my husband gets on overload he withdraws. It's easier. I have to pursue him and get him to focus on making the decision. It takes patience. I have had to learn patience in the last 13 years. We have had ALOT of problems communicating. If you want to make this work, you WILL have to sacrifice your opinions, schedule, and lifestyle to a large degree. Marriage/relationships are hard enough and Asperger's makes it even harder. I love my husband alot: quirks and all. I would'nt trade him, but this kind of relationship is not one you can get into, invest a little and later say, "I'm tired of this. I'm outta here!" It would not be fair to either of you.

I have a really difficult time getting my heart and my mind to cooperate where love is concerned. It has made for some disasterous occasions..and then other times in the past when I REAlly should have had feelings for someone...they just didn't translate as that...some sorta heart/mind disconnect happens....
(this...I assume has nothing to do with AS but more of a messy aspect of human nature combined with my slight tendancy towards OCD thinking)...

I have(i guess for the same heart/mind dissconnect reason) also had very strong emotional feelings for someone who I logicly should not like at all...bad bad bad news......

anyway...um.....my advice....Don't rely too heavily on the notion that he will eventually come around. I have made that mistake in the past....respect the friendship and let him go where he wants to go.

I have had someone break up with me and I brainwashed myself into thinking he would come around eventually......and it was horrible.....just horrible.....I wasted many years fixated on basicly nothing.

I hate emotions because they are so impossible to control.....

I think it may have been what you communicated to him when you brought up the friends thing. If it was quite early in the relationship, because he can't read any hints or innuendo that you may be giving off, he would have taken the "Would you rather just be friends?" quite literally, I feel, and felt that you wanted to just be friends. So because of the way he is, he has agreed with you, to make you happy.
You are still friends, probably because he is still in love with you, but thinks that you just want to be friends and would rather be around you, than not see you at all.

I've done it a few times, when I probably should have persisted and said, No, I don't want to just be friends.

That's just my thoughts.

Yes.

Someone should have smacked me with a 2 x 4, would have been far less painful. (We got back together).

I swear I developed mental block or something. A little like selling an old car...once it's gone, you ever notice how you never get angry remembering how many times it broke down and left you stranded? You just remember all the fun you had and the places you went.

Have I ever had second thoughts after ending a relationship?

Good question.

The answer?

Yes.

EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP HAS HAD THESE THOUGHTS.

Come on. Women will let their husbands beat them from room to room, men will let their wives sleep around, rather than end it. Second thoughts are entirely common and healthy, but acting on them is a different question.

Something just happened today that is making me reconsider. I am so confused about what I really feel about this person, not that it'll affect my current relationship. Its just I am considering if I ever WOULD get together with this person, even though I totally said I NEVER WOULD.