This topic requires attention. Please. It's about a girl.

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This being my first post. It has taken quite a long while for me to put to words thoughts I have felt. This being a matter where questions need answers. I recently met a girl. We send each other text messages daily. This method of communication is far easier than actually picking up the phone. She made the first approach. She gave me her number. She asked me to go out with her and one of her friends. We go to a bar where there is a band playing. I watch everyone dancing as we sit and listen to the band. Going through the exhaustiveness of casual conversation. We do have a shared interest in music. After watching everyone for some time. I build up the courage to ask her to dance. We hold hands as we dance. I kissed her on the cheek. She and I leave. Her friend as well. The girl I'm interested in drops me off. Her friend is overly intoxicated and passed out in the back seat. From previous mistakes. I know that I have to give her a hug. I wanted to see where that would lead. We end up kissing. She sends me text messages daily still. She has asked me to "hang out" with her again. What the hell does "hang out" indicate? I want to take her on a date. A date by definition.
Now to my questioning. I don't know what to say to her. I don't know how to pursue her. I don't know what emphasis to place on the kiss. I want to take her on what I deem to be a date. I don't know how to ask. Is this something you text? I don't have any idea of what should be done. I haven't kissed a girl in the slightly open mouth manner in roughly a years time. I feel like I should just stay to myself. Though part of me yearns for a romantic relationship with a female companion. My brother is NT and he suggests that she is in fact interested in me. His opinion based upon the description of events I have given. I don't know what pursuit speed I should take to make she and I a couple. I don't know if she sees the kiss as friendly or romantic. I am horribly inept at reading women.

well i have tons of failed relationships so take my advice with a grain of salt. i say go 4 it, u aint gonna get anywhere if u let opportunities pass u by. maybe u will get ur heart broken once or twice...or 100 times, but u wont find love if u dont take chances 4 it. if it doesnt work, learn from it and try something different next time. theres will always be more fish in the sea til we pollute it 2 the point of inhabitability

Yeah, I agree. I'm not a guy so I've never had to ask anyone out, but maybe if you suggested dinner rather than "hanging out" so it seems more date-like, and see what she says.

As far as conversation I'm not that good at it either. I've read that people generally like a "good listener", and if you get the other person to tell you about themselves you can learn their interests and talk about those things. I have, however, been called on about my incessant questions, though, so it can be done wrong. Helpful, huh?

Actually, rereading my post, I realized - movies don't require so much conversation, and if you go to dinner afterwards you can talk about the movie. Before the movie you'll be deciding what movie you two want to see, conversing about what kinds of movies you each like & why, etc. etc. Dinner and a movie is a pretty conventional date. I've also heard that a lot of people converse better during car rides cuz one of you has to keep their eyes on the road. I know that doesn't help with the date stuff but it's just an FYI.

In the context you described, I would interpret "hang out" to mean a date. So, it sounds like this woman is interested in you romantically, kissed you, and then asked you out on a date.

As far as how fast to take the relationship, this is always tricky because there is no set of "right" and "wrong" answers. This is tricky for everyone, including NT. My suggestion would be to ask her on date. You can ask her in person, by texting, by phone, whatever you are comfortable with. You've already kissed -- I would assume it was romantic. The only caveat is that you did say that she was intoxicated. That being the case, it's possible that she might no longer be interested when she is sober. Still, I think you should try to ask her out. The worst thing that can happen is that she might say no, which just means you wouldn't have a date -- which is the same situation you will be in if you DON'T ask. So, you have nothing to lose and, possibly, something wonderful to gain. So try.

When I was single, I would try to take things just A LITTLE farther each date (until either I or she was not comfortable). Try kissing just a little longer next time. Of course, it's always possible she will want to move things along really fast. If she does and you are comfortable with that, go for it.

The "hanging out" might be deliberately vague as to whether it is meant to be romantic or not. She might be leaving herself room to back out without hurting your feelings, or she might just not want to freak you out by coming on too strong.

In the incident you detailed, she had a friend along with her. I'd try to get her to "hang out" with just you, in a datelike sort of way. Then bring up the idea of a date per se.

Good luck.

Fauxnaif, I think you're overthinking it -- as I understand it, "hanging out" is the new dating with the 27 and under crowd, so I wouldn't take anything too personally. It sounds like you were/are making good progress, so do yourself a favor and don't overthink or overanalyze everything. She's already pursuing you, so clearly she is interested. Just go out, have fun, get laid (if that's where things take you), and be happy with it. Big problem with us AS's -- overthinking and overanalyzing. Great when it comes to work and school, not great when it comes to romance and friendships. Just make a promise to yourself to not dwell on every little thing, and live in the moment. Stop thinking about "what things mean," and just try to relax.

Remember that opening stages of a relationship is like a negotiation. You take a step. Both of you experience whether you like it or not, then depending on what the next step is, the person who's job it is to take the next step does so if they liked the one that took place previously. It sounds like it's your turn to start initiating some get-together, and that she wants you to take the lead for a while.

>>"She sends me text messages daily still. She has asked me to "hang out" with her again. What the hell does "hang out" indicate? I want to take her on a date. A date by definition. "

The most important thing is that she is inviting you to have a second encounter. Which means she wants to move forward with you, either as friends or more.

What she means specifically by "hang out" depends on where you two are and what cultures you are from. It can mean anything from a casual date, an outing but only with friends or in public (like bowling or dancing), or an invitation to be casual friends, like saying you can call her up and ask her to go with you when you go to shop for a new couch or other "help-me-pick-out-something-nice" errand.

Because she went dancing with you and you guys kissed, it's probably anything from a casual date or friendship, more like a date from the way it sounds, tho.

In my own mind, "hang out", when it applies to dates, means that you don't have to pay for her tickets, dinner, etc. unless you offer, but that is just where I am and where I am coming from. I'm usually prepared to pay for myself and don't think anything of it, but I appreciate it when the man pays.

There are rare occasions when a girl will volunteer to say "call me" or "let's hang out" when she doesn't mean it. You can tell that she's being phony in that case simply because she will not return your calls or will turn down repeated invitations. That's not a big deal, they just waste a little of your time.

>>"I don't know how to ask. Is this something you text? I don't have any idea of what should be done."

You should do what you feel comfortable with. You will be a more relaxed and fun partner if you say within reasonable comfort zones of yours. Calling shows more direct interest and desire for contact. Texting is much more casual and low-pressure. What matches your attitude toward asking her out best? Do what is fun and comfortable.

>>"I don't know what pursuit speed I should take to make she and I a couple. I don't know if she sees the kiss as friendly or romantic. I am horribly inept at reading women."

Most friends usually don't kiss on a first date. I don't kiss or hug my guy friends!

You can surf around for body-language reading and relationship info:

Top Ten Signs that Woman is Attracted to You
How to tell if a girl is Attracted to you

At least in America, a kiss of any kind has never been a casual thing between two people with no relations. I think she might have some interest.

It doesn't matter what language is used in getting her to hang out. go on a walk with the girl. It's winter. tell her to hold on to you so you'll stay warm. Walk promenade style. Then take her back to your place. tell her you're going to play checkers. Make out, then seal the deal.

While those articles do list valid IOIs, i wouldn't try to pay too much attention to them at this point because she obviously is attracted and even if she isn't, it doesn't matter. if you do everything right, she'll become attracted. Just remember, there are tons of other fish in the sea.

Bill is spot on.

Thank you all. To answer the question regarding her sobriety at the moment of the kiss: Yes, she was sober. As was I. She sent me a text message the following day and wanted to meet me before she left town. Our talks about music took us to one of my favorite bands. She had never heard them. When she met me to say bye. I had every album they have ever made burned on individual cd's for her. Was this a good gesture?

Bill, that's the story of my life. Your advice sounds like that of my brother. I can't recall the number of times I have been told I was over-thinking/over-analyzing. I wish I had a switch to turn that aspect off. Or at the least a dimmer to get it to a reduced level.

We are to "hang out" again after Christmas. She has plans to go out of town for New Years. I will wait until after she gets back from her mini-vacation and I will ask her out on my terms. I was thinking of a clever way to ask her out. The only way I can accomplish this in my mind is to over-think it. I came up with this scenario. I call her. I tell her that I want her to be the first person I see a movie with in 2009.

I'm not overly concerned about being shot down or rejected. As this has happened before with previous women. All I can do is recall the mistakes made from the past and try not to make them my present and future. My approach has always been awkward. I've been told countless times that I'm too shy.

Sounds like you're on the right track to me. Just don't spoil her too much, women love a challenge It's good to be nice and to do some nice things, but it can actually get emotionally exhausting if someone likes you and depends on you too much. Make sure she knows she needs to win you too.

Good advice. Don't smother her. But it sounds like you're going well so far, anyway.

Do you know any equivalent sites for male body language?

"hang out" is a date but with-out all the social rules... less nerve- wracking becuz it doesnt need to be planned perfectly, it just means "I want to go out & I dont care what we do, as long as it gives me times to "hang out" (ie. spend time/get to know you) with YOU"

I think Ancalagon has the right idea.
If she kissed you it probably means she likes you. Also, you should invite her out sooner rather than later before she looses interest or assumes you are not into her.

Not really, but here are a few that are extremely brief, that seem ok despite lacking a lot of details.

http://www.go-get-guys.com/dating/advice/how-to-read-a-male-body-language.html
http://www.blifaloo.com/info/mens-body-language.php

YouTube had a lot of male body language hits, too:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=male+body+language&search_type=&aq=f

The above all seem geared toward standing around in bars. But there are a lot of sitting and non-bar body language signs, too. For example, when men sit, if they are trying to dominate each other or attract a woman, they will sit with their legs wide open. This is a way to instinctively show off their genitals, like "Look how much I've got!"

The great thing about learning these signals is that they mostly apply to all social behavior, not just flirting & romance, but business meetings, too.

I do have a very detailed book on body language that has more male body language details (as well as female).

There are also a lot of articles on dating at cosmopolitan.com, which is so explicit it would give the blushing guys here fits.

Maybe we should have a female AS dating info thread?