Am I alone?

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Hi, I was wondering if there are any people who have as much problems finding someone, as I do? On top of AS, I have anxiety and panic disorder. I come from a small town, and there seems to be no women I can relate to. Although I believe sexual attraction is important, I believe intellectual connection is even more important. I can't imagine being with someone, unless we both understand each other. Am I being too picky? I don't think so. How else could we possibly be happy and trust each other? Maybe I'm searching for the easy way out. I imagine, if we both had AS and anxiety problems, it would be much easier to relate and understand each other. I don't know, I'm just curious. Thanks.

Last edited by jawbrodt on 29 Jan 2008, 2:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

Have you ever lived in a big city? If not, you should definately give it a try, if only to find yourself, but of course you'll meet way more people than you would in your little town. That, or go travelling.

I also have social anxiety disorder with agoraphobia, which is quite severe. I could never function in a large city. I have trouble going to the local grocery store. On my better days, I can bring myself to go to Walmart but, never during busy hours. Its my reality and I have learned to deal with it, always looking for improvement. Oh well, thanks.

If you're that withdrawn, then probably the internet is the best place to look. It'll give you a wide selection of people, and you won't have to leave your house till your ready.
I did meet one of my partners on the net, and it wasn't even a dating site. We just started talking on a forum similar to this one, then emailing, then talking on the phone, and finally we met in person. Actually a lot of people have had success in this; I think the trick is to start with a site where you can focus on your interests/hobbies, rather than advertising yourself for companionship, that seems a backwards way of doing things!

Your advice on using the internet is exactly what I was thinking. I just didn't have any idea where to start. I guess I was hoping someone would respond; Hi, I have AS, I have anxiety problems, I used to do drugs, I like to stay fit, I ride atvs, I collect coins, etc... I know, kind of foolish. The internet has given me hope though. Thanks for the advice.

P.S. After re-reading, I edited my initial message.

I am not sure about the internet. Nothhing beats real life communication.

I think that the intenet only works well with woman and only those who know how to work the intenet. On most dating site woman get more e-mail/text thingies then guys do.

My problem is that I'm unable to communicate effectively with others. Also, I have severe anxiety and panic attacks when I'm around people, especially those I don't know. This prevents normal dating. I'm hoping to find a female with similar problems as me. I think that the internet will let me search, without having to experience that terrorizing anxiety, which comes from contact with others. Anything is possible, and in my current condition, it is my only option. I'm constantly absorbing information/ideas as my search goes on. Godspeed.

I wouldn't look for love on an AS site, and I don't know if you'd want an Aspie partner. (I'm not saying it couldn't work, I think it's just choosing to jump into a lake instead of an ocean). I would start with something you're interested in. In my case, I met my partner on a site dedicated to one of my favorite TV shows. At first, I didn't particularly notice him, and I even thought he was a woman. But then we just got to talking, about all sorts of different things, and that's how things developed. IMO, if you go out looking for a partner to begin with, you'll judge people too quickly and may become attracted to someone you have little in common with. That's why I would start looking for friends first, then see if you're ready to move forward. Good luck!

Hey jawbrodt, if you need a list of good online dating sites I'd be more than happy to provide you with one.
There's even one for persons with all sorts of mental illnesses(autism/aspergers included), go here to take a look:
http://www.nolongerlonely.com. Another site thats a lot of fun is Okcupid.com, not specifically for those who are abnormal but definitely for the unconventional.

Here's a couple of 'how we met' threads... there's probably more, but...

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt47299.html

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf50395-0-15.html