How do I get a girlfriend?

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I feel kind of lonely and left out right now. I don't know how to hook up with a girl and every time I thought I would come close, I would always be too late and the girl would already have a boyfriend. I'm usually let down by my own philosophy. That philosophy is that I need to be true friends with a girl before I ask her out. But, I usually feel left out in the cold because of it. I feel like this not just happens to me IRL, but on WP as well. My own ideologies about relationships are starting to get more difficult as time goes on. It's not always easy being a 20-year-old virgin.

So, are there any pointers for RL or even WP on how I can have a girlfriend either IRL or even online?

I know, this is probably a silly post and is probably pointless, but this is how I feel, at least at the moment.

First of all, I want to make sure that you aren't some alternate personality that I express (I'm in the exact same boat here, right down to "2- year old virgin"...)


Secondly, society has this real screwy idea that the best girlfriend is someone you've never met before. I can't make heads or tails of it, but since most NT's operate that way, we're forced to either ind an alternative or go by their rules.

It may have something to do with the differing definitions that NT's and aspies place on the same word. Just as a "friend" to an NT is just about anyone you know while the same word to an aspie means someone you are extremely loyal to, the same applies to the word "girlfriend". An NT sees the whole bf/gf thing in a similar veint o "friends with benefits", with the added possibility of love forming later. Aspies, on the other hand, need to have that same psychological connection with a possible girlfriend that they would have with any other friend (aspie definition), just with romance added on top of that...

I know exactly what you guys mean, I'm in the same boat myself. Of course, I wouldn't settle for one of those Central Wash girls anyway . just kidding . But seriously, this is pretty damn frustrating.

yoshie, same problem here as well.

this idea of being so openminded and casual about sexuality (and the ensuing relationship - thats what you call it when you sleep with someone, right?) that any relationship that has some deeper meaning is deemed suspect or strange.
i, however, dont see the point in settling with someone when this deepness isnt there. my idea of a relationship centers around the idea of love, of being there for each other, of deep trust, of more than physical attraction, of finding ones real home, actually, and i wont sell out to any nihilist BS they think is so fancy these days.

of course, its frustrating being confronted on a day to day basis with the fact that most people dont even know what this means.

and no, none of the people who posted here are alternative personalities of me, either.

www.aspieaffection.com

My personal philosophy is not to bother 'looking' for a girlfriend. I prefer to try and make friends and see where things develop. This means that I still don't have a girlfriend in a romantic or sexual sense, so I don't know if this tactic is any good. Patience is the best policy imo.

keep looking, you will find one.

I guess I should do one of three things: Delete this thread, change the title, or do nothing and let the thread just sink back into page two or more in the thread choices.

For some reason, I was one horny son of a gun when I created this thread last night.

That's a good question.

I'm going to be thirty in a few years and I have never really managed to get a girlfriend or even a mere one night stand. The one girl that was my girlfriend - my only girlfriend, friend, all in one, ever - showed up out of nowhere, picked me up and ditched me a year later just as easily.

I swear it's not a looks issue, I don't smell, I don't spit at people while talking with a lisp, I'm well groomed, slender, muscular, etc. . . I'm not hostile, I like to be helpful to both strangers and acquaintances just for the fun of it and I even try to play along when someone tries to small-talk with me.
Yet, people that don't have any of this at least have a girlfriend. Myself, I'm baffled at how people have affairs on top of the relationships they already have when I can't even have a conversation!
Girls on the bus, for example, seem to rather sit besides an old person or remain standing rather than to sit besides me.

Really, I dont know. . . I swear I don't anymore.

Whenever I had acquaintances to go clubbing with nothing much happened - they rarerly picked up anything themselves and I would just stand there and watch.

I wish I knew how to get a GF. I used to be better looking... unfortnately I let that slip. Only chances I have had i have messed up. Or happened during my depression break down. I think i got asked out so many times during that fase because I was following some plan also I worked out a stupid ammount and ran 4km a day and walked 12km etc depression does those things..... I just knew I couldn't have a relationship at that time because I was a complete wreak...

I've been with some girls on one night stands.... Happens about as often as I visit the dentist.... practically never. Um. once I find the solution to my problem... I think for me my pride gets in the way some how and i worry about other people would think of me if I went out with such and such etc.

To get a girlfriend is not necessarily something that should be pursued to exclusion of other things. First, make sure to be yourself, second NT girls are not all the same neither are aspie girls (heck I was engaged to an NT girl and that didn't work.) So remember it's better to be friends first as stated in this thread and see where it goes. That is a better way then forcing things. That's actually how I got into a relationship with a girl who was a good friend of mine and an aspie even though I'm single now.