When to engage the target?

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Okay, so I made another stupid mistake dealing with humans. Well, rather, the mistake was choosing to interact with them while they were in the act of drunken debauchery.

I get invited to a "party" of sorts, which involves this girl I was going to take out on a first date, some random lesbian chick she just met, and two guys who used to be her boyfriends. Oh yeah, the odds are really looking in my favor so far[/sarcasm].

I get to this apartment, which looks like a tornado hit the living room, around 9pm. I stay for roughly three hours, all the time watching this girl I want to date letting this lesbian chick take bodyshots off of her (the lesbian is running around only in low-rise pants and a bra), while the tolerable ex-boyfriend is on the girl's computer, saying that I really don't seem to like the party (he seems to at least understand it's not my kind of thing, and doesn't hold it against me), while this other ex-boyfriend is a complete pothead hick who yaks my ear off the whole night about Warhammer 40k, and all the stupid stuff he's done breaking bones on dirt bikes.

I finally leave, and once I get back to my apartment, there is still this horrible lingering smell in my clothes of the girl's apartment ("wet dog smoking a joint" is the best way to describe this smell).

I find out today this girl thinks I'm "boring", and "not her type". Well, I'm glad she disapproves, because the girl is FAT (we're talking "Look, it's Captain Solo, and he's still frozen in Carbonite!" fat). The pictures on her online profile are only from the shoulders up, which don't reveal a frame which looks like the Michellin Man needs a retread.

All I've dealt with on dates are 1) girls with cancer, 2) girls recovering from cancer, 3) recovering meth addicts, 4) the "poor, still living with mommy and all the farm animals in the dilapidated trailer" chick, 5) the recovering mental patient, and 6) a variety of "trendy fatties" who think they're "BBW" (Big, Beautiful Women).

I want to know from the females of the species, Aspies or NTs, how do I manage to avoid hitting all the potholes in the road of humanity? Also, if I end up in a party situation dealing with the worst case scenario (ex-boyfriends, lesbians, and other grope-happy males), how do I interact with them, what conversations can I start to share in part of the conversation (when there are intermittent breaks between the orgy), and how do I smoothly bail out without looking like a loser?

Why on earth did you hang out with them in the first place?
I'd advise you that,if you get the feeling that people are going to suck, avoid them. That way, you won't be proven right.
I don't know how to go about meeting people, but to get out of situations, I usually just make up something that I have to do, such as catch a train or meet someone.

You keep saying 'girl'.. this may have been a clue to yourself from your subconcious that she really wasn't up to speed with your development and that you were only wishful thinking~that she could be or circumstances would change that she would evolve to be.

Im interested to hear back when your words are, "I was wanting to go out with this woman".. ect. It's not an age thing.

Sounds like a terrible bummer and a horrible waste of time and emotion.

When said target poses an immediate threat to your life or the life of persons near you, and you/other persons are unable to retreat/disengage safely.

Keep on shooting COM till the threat is gone.

The funny bit is that she called me boring.

Well, what am I supposed to do when there are almost topless chicks and redneck guys wrestling drunk on the floor, taking bodyshots off of the girl you're trying to date, and generally everything is too chaotic to enjoy a simple conversation to warm up to the others?

I'm not the type to just jump in, "guns blazing" as it were, without knowing what's waiting for me. Only if stealth and reconnaissance talents were as valued in dating as they are in counter insurgency.

Ya, thats a rough scene. I have been to a few wild parties in my day, but nothing even close to that. You would never on my worst day catch me dead at a party like that. I understand exactly how you feel man. I would be eather sitting their keeping to myself (since I would not wanna get involved in whatever is goin on around me) or would simply leave as quickly as I entered.

I dont think these are the places to find true love, then again, while I have a GF (and nothing serious at all) I suppose they are hard to come by for us and social gatherings (if you can even call that party that) are the way to go.

I knew my GF for years and thats the only reason we are 'together' I simply cant tell if we are friends or if she wants more, I think its both. But really, you have to get past outside apperences and get to fall in love with the personality. I dont think you truly love these girls, you need a women you can connect with, maby when you meet that person you can be with eachother in private I dont think the kind of women you are interested in would wanna be at a gathering like this, really no person with self respect and dignity would wanna be at a party like this, heh.

I wish I could help ya further, I have never been to a gathering like this so I would not know what to say, but I think you did the right think as long as you could. I have been to plenty of other wild parties and had a fairly good time. It is good to loosen up with a few drinks, nothing too much, get in the social mood and just mingle, booze does help with that.

Good Luck in the future, we may both need it.

Not necessarily. I often refer to girls as opposed to women, as do most of my friends and even alot of the girls I've spoken to do too. Woman has an air of older age about it so is used much less frequently.



If your ever in this situation again in future and are not comfortable, leave. If you don't really like the people there it doesn't matter what they think of you going and you shouldn't see them again to hear about it.
If you do whant to stay a while I'd suggest trying to look interested until either a subject you have some knowledge on comes up or a gap in conversation for you to talk about something (fairly) relevant comes up.

Because that road is mostly potholes.

Also, do you really want to date a girl who lets other people do body shots off her? That would be a deal-breaker for me.

Hi Goatman, I'm not sure how to say this but you sound kind of hostile to people you know, like here:

"All I've dealt with on dates are 1) girls with cancer, 2) girls recovering from cancer, 3) recovering meth addicts, 4) the "poor, still living with mommy and all the farm animals in the dilapidated trailer" chick, 5) the recovering mental patient, and 6) a variety of "trendy fatties" who think they're "BBW" (Big, Beautiful Women)."

I am not sure I'd want to go out with you since you'd probably add me into some category that's not on the list yet.

I have a really hard time meeting people & getting to know people because my feelings are hurt really easily. That party sounds awful and I'd probably have felt bad because I couldn't get the attention of the person I wanted to talk to. Could you ask this person to hang out with you one on one in an environment that would work better for you? Like, I'm trying to get my current crush to go on a long walk with me... I'm better at being social when I'm moving as opposed to in a coffee shop (bars are out of the question!).

If your feelings get hurt, though, try not to lash out with cutting down the person... it doesn't really help in the long run if your goal is to get people to like you more rather than less. You're probably a nice person but labeling is very off-putting!

I was very sickened when I learned what "BBW" means. Fat is not attractive.

True. Others disagree though, I saw quite a disturbing programme on channel 4 a while ago called 'Fat Women and Feeders' about both the women and the admirers. Horrific!

It's all just some delusional attempt to make these rejects feel better about them. What I really like is when the girl is five years away from a coronary given her weight problem, but she only labels herself as having "a few extra pounds".

What I need to find is a girl that's smart, independent, yet while she doesn't care what others think, does care about her appearance enough to realize it's not only for her own best (health) interests, but friends along with family don't want to be around someone who's just a basket case.

As far as dating these girls go, I don't KNOW they're this bad when I first arrange the date.

It's called FALSE ADVERTISING, and at the rate it's going, I'd be better off dating a dog or parrot. At least they would stay in shape, and you would know exactly what you're getting into.

Ask for full body shots before meeting. Don't think it's uncommon!

That would be an idea to pursue. I suppose if they claim I'm shallow, I'll just tell them I am respectful to all people, but loving only to some.

It may be better to phrase that slightly differently. Maybe bring some truth in there, tell them you've been mislead in the past & although looks don't make up the whole attraction, it does play a part. It may also be a good idea to mention you don't mind a little exta weight - if that's the case.

Also, don't say 'let's go on a date, but I need to see a full body picture first'! Bring it in before a date's arranged.