Competition

Post Reply New Topic

I'm in kind a bind here.

I have this problem with meeting really interesting and nice girls, but by the time I get the courage to go further, they already have some one else. Is it me? If there's one thing that makes me feel lousy it 's getting the cold shoulder. However, this one guy who took the girl I really liked turned out to be awesome, he was also AS I think, I also think he had bi-polar disorder. I used to hate this guy and then he turns out to be a great friend. I said to him one day ''I you don't take care of her, I'll kick your ass!'' We both laughed.

But in another situation, I don't know the guy, but I don't like him. Everytime I see my friend I'd wish she'd tell me she's broken up with him. He seems cold and distant towards her. But, she says he only seems that way to hide his emotions. It has to do with his father or something. I don't know, but I seem to have this problem with competition, it might mean I have to get bolder more early and ''stake my claim'' so to speak. Can anyone help?

You said one of these girls is your friend. That right there tells me you need to step it up.

You don't want the girl you like to be your friend, want her to be your woman.

Women want a Take-Charge guy, not mister nice guy that will be their friend even though she's sleeping with some dude you don't like.

I'm generally speaking here, but guys who don't ask a girl out or step it up, women will see as either weak, gay, or not interested in them. Women are conditioned and use to men who like them making a move.

I know this sucks for us Aspies, but got to not let your fear of rejection keep you from getting the girl you like. If she got a man, move on. Trust me, there will be other girls you like, maybe even more, that just broke up with their man or just casually dating.

There's, uhh, one *slight* problem with that...

"Single Woman" is an oxymoron, especially when you talk to a woman, she's conveniently "taken", even if 5 minutes ago you overheard her talking about not having a boyfriend and what not...

Last edited by ToadOfSteel on 18 Feb 2008, 11:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

Before you get tied up in this situatuion. I'd recommend you try plentyoffish.com it free. You'll probably find a better girl than the one ur hung over about .

There's, uhh, one *slight* problem with that...

"Single Woman" is an oxymoron, especially when you talk to a woman, she's conveniently "taken", even if 5 minutes ago you overheard her talking about not having a boyfriend and what not...[/quote]

True, all women have men in their lives in some way. Hovever, how much those other guys matter is based solely on her interest in you.

It all depends on the manner in which you approach her. If you're just circling like a shark, listening for cues to jump into the conversation, you're gunna get shot down. Women respond to take-charge guys, but these are the actions of a desperate man with the lack of confidence to be himself. Someone like that is simply jumping through hoops to gain approval. Of course she'll say the thing that will get them to go away the quickest ("I have a boyfriend").

If you just start talking to her because you want to have an interesting conversation on you own accord, you'll do much better. Whether she likes you, hates you, is single, taken, straight, lesbian, etc... it's no big deal as you're doing nothing more than just talking to her.

Exactly. I see a lot guys putting their eggs all in one basket. In this case, all their energy and attention is focused on getting one girl. That is a sign of pure desperation.

In most cases, as cliche as this sounds, finding a girl just happens. When you try to hard to get the girl, it's doomed to fail.

Life is not like a Disney or chick flick movie where a woman is not interested in the man but through his actions he wins the woman's heart at the end.

If a woman is not interested in you, there is little you can do to make her interested, outside of just being her "friend."

Best thing to do is just to get to know the girl, make it clear early on your interested in dating her, if she rejects you, then you need to move on. Don't become her friend in hopes of someday winning the fair maiden over. It's not going to happen.

^^^

I support what Grant says there. I'd add that while it's possible a female friend may fall for you over time, it is not likely to be because you decided to win her over by being extra-nice or anything like that. It might be because you change in a way that happens to be attractive to her, or because she notices something about you that she didn't see before. But you will probably not be able to control or predict it.

Don't hang back and wait. Be attentive and considerate to all females and try not to get hung up on one without knowing how she feels for you. The ones who like you for what you are will give you extra attention in return. It's just a matter of putting yourself around enough girls to raise your chances of finding one with whom you can experience mutual attraction.

I also agree with Grant. I know how hard it is to really like a girl and then get that "cold shoulder." What always bothered me most about it was that I tortured myself for it being my fault. That I did, or didn't do something that I should have.

So just take it in stride, relationships can be a pretty random occurrence. However, don't ever let that stop you from trying to do something nice to win her over. Women love attention, but not too much. It's a game of Cat and Mouse.

Women love attention, but I found they are just as competive, if not more, then men. If you make it known that she is not the only girl your dating, if she's really interested in you, she's going to cut the games out and make her intentions known.

But if she knows that she's the center of your attention, she going to play it as far as she can, because like you said, they love attention.

Point is, don't be her little lap-dog, and come running everytime she snaps her fingers. By not giving her the attention she espects, makes you different then most guys, and this sometimes will facinate a woman.

Just make you attentions known that you want to date her, play it casual. Don't be calling her 24/7 or wanting to see her all the time right away.

Less sometimes is MORE

I agree with your advice again, but not with the motives you ascribe to the females. Granted, I am a weird female, but... I think it is more likely that a woman is shy or unsure of her feelings than consciously playing games. Also, I don't think that girls are fascinated by guys who withhold attention due to the thrill of uncertainty or "the chase" ... I think we feel pressured and disrespected when guys hover all over us and we're grateful when we're given some space and time to assess our feelings.

That might apply more to aspie women than NTs, or maybe I am just a freak, but there you have it.

Well, maybe I should've specified...

the guy got to her way before me. She met this guy before I met her. I didn't know about him until I asked her. And when she told me he was her boyfriend, I didn't wanna sound sad, because that would make her feel bad, so i just sorta shrugged it off

I think I made a bad move

What do you think you could have done differently?

Well, if you knew that she had a boyfriend, and as long as he seemed to treat her well and she was happy with him, it's necessary at that point to let her go.

After all, I'm sure if the roles were reversed you wouldn't very well appreciate someone trying to tempt your beloved away from you.

Yeah, but around my school, girls like that are rare. Everyone else is too academic-minded to really bother. They're also rather boring to me. I can't really find any girls outside my school.

Yep, it seems it's damn near impossible to even find, and then have a relationship with the one you really want. I'll shutup now, because I've recently been shot down by yet another girl I like in that oh so familiar and crappy way. COMPLETE INDIFFERENCE.

Feeling a little bitter towards it. So I'm not worthy at the moment of giving any more advice, good luck in your struggles. *Proceeds to get smashed*

Man that sounds as bad as this friend of mine.

He's been rejected a lot and he's really cynical about it. Where I try to have some hope, he's pessimistic about everything related to girls.

Funny thing is, is that he's had probably more balls than me to take it further and he just gets shot down.

Maybe looking at him has got me going down this road.