The Confidence Myth

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Ok, this thread is a counter-thread of Complex's delusional thread "Guys: Confidence and why it matters" , if you read his posts there you will notice that he was spitting new info ,revealing new things after each time I tortured him an anti-argument , I am sure that he wasn't even aware of that.

The fact is that the "you just need Confidence" thing is just a myth!

This view doesn't only affect your love life but your whole attitude in your life:

http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2006/09 ... ence-myth/

Seems to me that this guy has confused confidence with assumptions about self. Being confident doesnt mean that you believe you can do anything without proper preparation. In fact, what he labeled as what is mistaken for confidence (beliefs, aptitude, and emotional control) IS confidence. Not studying because you think you're too smart to pick up a book isnt a good reason to throw the concept of confidence out the window.

Let me guess, complex and LPP have gone to war...

Very interesting...thanks for the read.

Part of my struggles with confidence have been because I know I'm not a confident person, and the fact that so many people say women want confident men makes me feel even LESS confident. But by reading how confidence is kinda overrated (combined with my own dislike of it due to my dislike of confident men), I feel MORE confident. XD Funny how it works, isn't it?

Another point: there are plenty of successful people who aren't confident at all, they just know how to fake it. XD

Competence is the key...competence.

competency...if you you can fake that, you've got it made...
originally said of sincerity...

I'm not going to continue debating this guy, I don't have to as I'm the one who goes to bed with a woman every night.

It is wise to acknowledge that nature has given us all these emotions so that we can survive. All emotions are there to give appositives outcomes.

There is the myth that some emotion are purely positive and others are purely negative. Those myths survive by people who do not understand the laws of nature.

I am not doing war with you.



How NT this attitude is , good for you , since you are the one who goes to bed with a woman every night then leave the loser single aspies here and stop wasting your time by sharing them your wisdom.

Yeah, people need to learn how to spell. . . chicks like that too.

__

Personally I know a lot of low-self esteem schmucks that do great "picking up girls" because they try a lot until someone says yes. I know at least one case of a guy like this with absolutely no redeeming qualities.

. . .so if anyone wanting to "pick up a lot of chicks" asks me I'd say: try a lot . . .but since most of us here are tad sophisticated I avoid that kind of thing as they are meaningless for the kind of relationship we look for.

People in shanty towns have sex a lot too. . .
I once went to a horrible club in a certain neighbourhood and some girls obviously showed interest - I kind of chose to wait a little longer. . .
In my first job there was a secretary that kinda wanted to score with me. . . I think. . . don't make me remember. . .
Things would be much simpler if we just wanted to score with whatever bimbo crosses our path - glad to say it's not the case. . .

Why is an NT attitude necessarily a bad one?

I think that before us with AS can actually function in the world, we need to dispel this NT vs AS mentality some of us have. Yeah, NT's have it too, but so what? Unfortunately, they're the majority, it's their world, and we live in it.

You're right. It's the NTs' world and we live in it. Even if one doesn't agree with the ways of NTs, it's hard to successfully navigate their world if you don't understand their mindset. I've noticed that there are a lot of teen and twentysomething Aspies who have questions and come here for answers. Some of us older, more experienced Aspies can help. I'm sharing my wisdom because I want to; I think there's value in sharing the benefits of my experience. I'm not always correct, but in the last 10 years I've developed a pattern of success in the NT world and if I spare just a single Aspie a little pain with the benefit of my experience, then spending time here is worth it.

If you want to learn golf, you go to a golfer and not a tennis pro. If some people here don't find value in my advice, fine. But judging from the messages I've received there are plenty of people who find my experience useful.

Personally, I don't have a problem with Lepetiteprince and I didn't want to dump on him, but irrationally telling me I'm incorrect when I have the results to back me up and he doesn't will not benefit anybody.

Everytime I've been confident in asking a girl out, they always say no. Every single time (how many times has that been? 20? 30? +?)

But everytime I'm obliviously aloof, it's gotten me somewhere....Like my first girlfriend, a mutual friend told her that I liked her, and then she told me she wasn't interested in going out with me. So I just say "oh, ok" and go about my business....a couple months later, she wants me!
There have also been times before that. In middle school, I was so incredibly aloof and oblivious that if there was a fire next to me, I probably wouldn't have noticed or cared. But for some reason, more girls liked me then than in High School (even though I was overweight and even nerdier looking).

Confidence? Crap. Aloofness? Works like a charm.

Is there really a difference?

Actually, serious, honest people that talk about confidence do make a point in stressing the difference. . .

A confident person doesn't really need to be aloof. A confident person has no problem showing interest in other people; it's beyond self-consciousness or anything that falls short of being earnest in both action and communication. There's a completely different kind of person behind aloofness.
I've had both aloof and confident classmates and only the later were consistently pleasant to have around. Never asked them how much they scored. . .

There are times I'd be satisfied to have sex with just about any reasonably attractive woman—whether I want to pursue a relationship with her or not. It definitely beats beomg tempted to hire a damned prostitute to get your sexual needs fulfilled.