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nbxyz
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10 Feb 2008, 12:27 am

So I met someone on okcupid that actually messaged me with her number. We met up today at a starbucks for 30 minutes on her break.

I mean, she's really pretty and I definitely want to get to know her better, but this whole asperger thing freaks me out. I want to ask her out this week, maybe v-day, but should I preface it with a "notice". I'm not crazy for her, but I still want to give her a chance. I just don't want the asperger to get in the way (which I know will), and am wondering if I should clear that up from the start, or wait till she says something.

I would rather I tell her and she does have a problem and we don't go any further then us try to make it work, while she's just getting frustrated.

do you even normally tell the person about this?



hollybee
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10 Feb 2008, 12:25 pm

have you already arranged a 2nd meeting? Maybe see how that goes and then mention it to her casually in an email. My boyfriend took ages to work up the courage to tell me (and he was drunk) but by then we were already really into each other. Obviously I had noticed something was a bit different but I sort of liked him even more because of his ways- maybe she'll be the same. Just do it when you feel comfortable.



graemephillips
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10 Feb 2008, 7:34 pm

There's a danger with both extremes. If you tell her too early or at a time when it isn't relevant, it might appear that you have a victim mentality. On the other hand, declaring it early can be advantageous, as it will probably push her away if she is really averse to it. If so, you can avoid wasting time in a relationship that is going nowhere. If she stays with you after having been informed of it, it means she is prepared to overlook it. She might have pragmatic motives (maybe money, a passport etc), but if she proceeds, it at least means she is willing to proceed in spite of it.



MeganVegantoast
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10 Feb 2008, 11:06 pm

I'd wait a little bit if I were you.
I mean, for the whole telling her about aspergers thing.
And when you do tell her, tell her in person.
Maybe even rehearse it in the mirror.



nbxyz
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11 Feb 2008, 12:04 am

well, don't have to worry about her anymore. i thought about it and i rather not even see her again. its that i saw nothing wrong with her, but nothing really attracted me either. so i haven't called her since last night, and neither has her. so i guess we didn't hit it off.

i really, really hate being dragged or dragging someone down a relationship that was never meant to be.