Problem With Online Boyfriend And His Friends

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Ok first post.


I am in an internet relationship with this guy who is a year younger than me (I'm 17) and we've been bf/gf for like a month and a half. We converse on a voice-chat program called Ventrilo, it's mainly used for people who play video games but I'm not a gamer, I don't play any video games at all, I dont even like them, I simply downloaded the program in order to interact with people since Im alone most of the time (not really by choice). I left public school at 15, tried to do homeschooling and am now attending G.E.D. classes and I live with a controlling mother and no siblings or father in a small rural town. I don't have any friends, so the internet is my primary source of interaction.


So Vent is basically like an voice-chatroom kinda. Anyway, theres one main problem that we are having and that's the fact that he is getting bothered that I want him to spend as much time with me as possible, because I don't have anyone else and I am alone almost ALL the time, and he is the only person in my life, and all we can do is talk. There is some hostility between him, myself, and his other friends in the Vent. They keep saying how he's changed and how all he does is spend his time with me and I kinda make him sometimes. I try to interact with his friends but only when it's a conversation I can contribute to, most of the time now, it seems all they talk about is video games (he's a gamer) and I don't play video games and have no interest in them whatsoever, so it's very boring and that's all they do together is talk and play games. So I feel left out. Also, they are kind of dicks to me. They are rude and insulting a lot of the time when I do try to talk and I tell my bf about but he's like "that's just how they are, that's how people are, get used to it, if they insult you, insult back", like social interaction is some sort of rude game and I don't understand, because I don't want to insult people or create conflict, it seems very childish, I want to be friends with people, but it seems they just want to be rude to me, compiled with the fact I don't have a lot in common with them.

For example, when his friends try to talk about their "problems", deep issues suchas "my girlfriend at school is jealous cause all these chicks are hitting on me", I just scoff and feel bitter about the ridiculousness of it. I can't relate to it. I don't have friends, and he is my first boyfriend, so everyday teen problems don't really apply to me and I can't empathize with them, and it really bothers him, and I know I come as condesceniding, and how I believe that everyone elses problems pale in comparision to mine, and I do believe that to a certain degree, but I don't necessarily mean to be inconsiderate, I just can't relate and I also feel like he and others cant relate to me. I feel he especially can't relate to me because of how alone I am and how I don't have anyone except him and I want to spend as much time as possible with him and have trouble relating to his friends with their pedantic interests, insults, and inate problems.

well first thing I can say, people aren't like that. If some one in our friend group has a (new) GF we do everything we can to make her feel nice and welcome. we do that for our friend so he feels comfortable as well. I think your BF should say something to his friends about it, but ok.

You could try using an Instant messenger like MSN or Yahoo or something like that. You might not be able to hear what he says, but you can have a normal conversation with him without his friends while he is still able to talk to them

I'll state the obvious: there are a LOT of communication issues here. That said, internet romances are a pile of pain no matter how they're done.

You can't relate to his friends' problems. They may mistake that as insults coming from you, so they insult you in return. Or they could be pricks. Either way, it's not a good thing.

Try to understand their problems, at least from a cognitive point of view. Ask yourself how you would feel and offer that to the conversation. If they offer sympathy instead of solutions to your problems, that's their way of reaching out to you. If they still offer insults, maybe you could talk to him without them on the line. In that group, insults are a common way of bonding, but if you're not okay with it they should stop.

It doesn't sound like you manipulate him to spend all of his free time with you. You know he needs his gamer friends and they should know he needs you, too. I hope this works out for you.

oh and welcome to WP

Such a tough problem

:Kalister is NOT good at these situations:

Sorry I don't know at all. No matter what people say in this situation, its still confusing. Anything I think about to say sounds wrong. Usually when someone is treating you bad, you should leave them, but what about when they don't give you enough attention? Heck if I know, but explain how you feel and try to heal the relationship.

Welcome.

I think that you need more friends. You have made a good start by posting here.

He can go and do his thing with his friends and you need something else to fill some of that void.

Surely you don't really want to hang out with his friends all the time. I would go potty if I had to spend too much time with my partners friends. She doesn't want to hang out with a bunch of beer swilling blokes either.

Let him have his game time in return for some quality time without his gamer mates.

Use his gaming time to talk to other people here or elsewhere.

Trailing him around all the time could get too much for him.

Welcome.

In the long term, that kind of lacking connection can do more harm than good. I recommend looking for other people, and moveing on from those. Both of you diserve friends, sure, but both also need to make a secedual of communication. Oh he's showing he cares alright; for his video games and imature male friends.

it's all jealousy; gaming is for guys who can't get girls...

no, seriously, you're dealing with a group of people who have one main interest. You might see if there's another forum (heavens, chat, email, whatever... where the two of you can be alone.
It's like going into a sport club and asking if they'll change the channel to the opera, or something.. if the two of you want to make a relationship, meet him (in person or electronically) where you're not distracted by outside people or events...you're wanting him, not his freinds...