Don't trust ANYTHING women say.

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Well it happened again. I met someone and it was going good. She said she just wanted to be friends. i told her what happened with my last women sending me mixed signals and I need honesty.

We flirted, have great talks about many subjects, she seemed to like it when i gave her back/ feet massages. One night she was staying over and I asked her if she wanted to sleep in my bed with me, she said yes.

I thought she had deeper feelings for me like I did her. Turns out she has none of the same feelings. She told me it was a mistake to sleep in the same bed. She also said there was no chemisty between us.

I feel totally worthless and I know I will never have a special women in my life. I feel betrayed. I know I will kill myself soon.

Why do women like to screw with men like this all the time? Point is don't trust anything women say or do. They are only in it to mess with you.

And? She said she just wanted to be friends. Men and women can be friends and have sex, it's just another way of getting to know each other better.

Just because you have sex with someone doesn't mean they want to be life partners. Something aspies REALLY need to understand is that it takes a long time for a relationship to happen. Falling head over heels in love with someone as soon as you get to know them is going to ruin any chances you have at relationships. It is extremely rare that 2 people will have love at first sight and then be married for the rest of their lives. Chances are one will become sick of the other, because they didn't take the time to get to know each other, and come to terms with who the other person really is.

People like to flirt because the positive feedback makes them feel attractive. It doesn't necessarily mean they want to f**k or have a long term relationship.


I've had similar problems, and realised that one of the biggest things standing between me and a rewarding relationship is my ability to become obsessed with a woman very quickly. Nothing drives someone away faster.

Take your time before considering anything long term. It won't work unless you know each other very well. Spend plenty of time apart, so you have your own space, and use the time to thoroughly reassess what you are feeling, to keep it under control. If you're feeling like things are getting to a point of obsession, go spend some time alone to retune your thoughts away from AS obsession. While it can make you thoroughly devoted and faithful once in a relationship, it's not much use until then, and even then needs to be reigned in. While people want to be loved, too much of it is suffocating.

I think (a minority of) men and women do this - mislead people a little about their feelings whilst they experiment with seeing you as more than a friend, then decide that it's not for them. It's always a huge blow to your self esteem, which is why you now feel worthless and like you're not going to find a partner. Maybe you wonder was it is about you that made there 'no chemistry'. But note that she has (I would suspect, purposefully) used a phrase that implies lack of compatibility, rather than there being anything wrong with you.

I should try to avoid this woman and distract yourself so that your thoughts don't go round and round in circles about it.

another thing that just occured to me. Sometimes with my very close male friends I feel like our intimacy might be becoming physical attraction, because I start to enjoy and want affection between us, things like sleeping in the same bed without sex, just affection. Then I snap out of it and realise I'm not physically attracted to them. And feel guilty.

men are the same, but there's a 99.9% change they tell you AFTER sleeping with you (and i don't mean just in the same bed).

im sorry... im cleaning up after my hemophiliac heart as well.

Sorry to hear about that KenM, but I remember having experiences like that 10 years ago. So from now on, do not invite someone to sleep in the same bed with you nor accept such an invitation until you are sure that she likes you.
Im tempted to recommend you try online dating, or printed personals. Something were you can get to know somone at a distance with out all those mixed messages.

I'm not sure that her perspective on events has been correctly understood. In what I say, I do not assign blame, though it may seem otherwise. I see this as a communications failure.

As I see it, you invited her to sleep with you, and then didn't. She didn't understand that you meant it literally. That left her in a situation where she had to make whatever adjustment to her reality to make it all still fit.

Unfortunately, I've done almost the exact same thing once, and another time very much like it. The second time was a rather shy girl at school who climbed into my bed. My "behaving myself" did not match with her expectations in either case. Both times closed off what could have been interesting relationships. I still can't believe I didn't understand what was going on.

All that said, it's possible that this one isn't completely blown. From what I'm seeing, you really like her. You might find merit in telling her that you're Aspie, and explain what that means. Tell her that you really just didn't understand and most importantly did not mean it as a rejection.

If you do talk to her about it, don't expect any immediate positive reaction. It might be that she's willing to work with you. It might take her a while to decide that. Perhaps she'll invite you to woo her again, only this time with a better understanding on both sides.

i can help you understand the ways of women. its nothing to kill yourself over. i have felt betrayed, abandoned, let down in the worst way many times before i realized a great truth about romance/women/dating. dont do anything rash! i can help you out. please send me a private message. i know i can help you out. rejection and heartache are the worst emotions to feel, sometimes they are worse than grief. ive been there. let me help.

Come to think of it Alex, I think you just might be right. There's a more positive way to look at this KenM and that is you're getting ever closer to something actually happening . Dont get bogged down by this girl or let this experience compromise your self-esteem. Keep at it but Move On from this girl.

So, you have problems with one woman, and you automatically assume all women are the same. You do realize your problem?

Also, if you're so unstable that you'd consider suicide over someone you barely know, then you're not ready for a relationship, short-term or otherwise.

Not to point out the obvious or anything.