Need some help I'm seriously considering a very stupid thing

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Ok last Christmas I was stood up for a date, as some may well know by now. I still have the woman’s number on speed dial primarily because I'm simply lazy and rarely clear memory on anything.

so here’s the issue I really hate not having closure on anything period, so even though she never called back on the night we were supposed to have dinner and didn’t receive calls the next day when I hoped to get a clear explanation.

So now I find my Rational side in conflict with my hopelessly romantic side. I’m actually considering calling her again to see if we could meet up again or at least get a some closure. Know it will only result in me making a fool of myself from my rational side but the situation keeps nagging at me in the back of my mind. Is this really such a stupid idea as I Highly assume it is, or is it perfectly reasonable to want at least absolute closure? It’s driving me completely crazy and I’m severely conflicted right now.

I think it's very reasonable to want and need absolute closure. However, I think it's unlikely you're going to get it. I would think that if you were to try, you would probably just receive more of the same treatment. She probably had some reason (rational or not) for acting the way she did.
I tried for two years to get closure on a friendship that didn't go the way it was supposed to. Nothing. There is still a possibility for change or closure... but the people involved have to understand themselves - *and* each other (or at least, be willing to listen and believe what the other has to say). I think that's the only way, really, if a friendship/relationship ended badly once.

Do not call her. She does not deserve you. Why are you crawling to her?

I don't think it's unreasonable. I feel the same way about at least three people I 'used' to know. I wish I could get closure or something like it. I ask myself if it was my fault and if I repulse people, if something is seriously wrong with me that makes this happen. I wouldn't call...it just raises your hopes too much, you want acceptance when you reach out and it's not likely to be forthcoming. It sets you up for a bigger hurt. Last night I dreamt of a girl I used to really like but she and I no longer talk. I was kind of drunk honestly, so I went on the internet...I was about to send her a message, but I managed to stop myself somehow. So that's my story so far Choose what you feel is right and if you want to make that call, be fully prepared if you're rejected.

Well, you may pull this thing off differently than I tend to do... I can't just walk away without closure or feeling like they finally understand what I was doing/trying to say/etc.

I've been told more than once that I do not know how to leave well enough alone.

Your situation may not be the same as mine have been, but be careful, be sure of why you're doing this, and be ready for the other person not to respond in the manner you desire.

Which ever choice you make, I hope it works out well for you.

You're going to die one day. Why waste your time with someone who obviously won't even waste the time to call you? Rationalize it anyway you want, the point is this - if she wanted to get into contact with you, SHE WOULD OF FOUND A WAY. Sorry, but what was meaningful to you was utterly worthless to her.

There might have been a reason why she could not come. Around Christmas she might have been with family and forgot all about it.
Maybe you could give it a second try to see if she wants to go out to dinner. I don't see anything unreasonable about this.

If it happens a second time though, then I would write her off and look for someone else.

I started hearing this term 'closure' pop up around early 90's/mid 90's. It always confused me, and quite rightly so, for depending on context it really is the most BS concept imaginable. Apart from anything else it is usually linked to 'retribution' justice, which is another one of my pet hates. Sorry I'm not meaning to be insensitive, I just want to explain why I think it is flawed as a concept. I distinguish 'closure' from more general coming to terms with something. The problem with closure is it relies on a sort of ritual or false symbolism to do with the loss, without really addressing the reason for doing said act, then expecting that process to automatically tie up loose ends as if by magic. I don't think people are absolved of problems after closure. I'm not saying don't call her but do it for a real reason. Maybe you could do it because you want to be able to express your frustration at being stood up, and possibly you've never done something like that before so it might be some 'practice' to become accustomed to that sort of of interaction. Definitely don't do it to get 'revenge', that will not help you feel better. You might want to know why she stood you up. I would be careful with this because it might not help to know why, and it doesn't necessarily mean you will get a straight answer. The idea of calling her up is not the thing that will actually help you get over her, but it might be a learning experience anyway. However the fact the that you are drawn back to her is sort of the opposite of coming to terms. Coming to terms is more about going on with your life. Not running away from everything but just slowly getting back to think about other things and people.

If you have her email, write her a note... Or SMS her... Just ask "Not sure what happened. You interested in trying to meet again?" If you have neither, then hopefully you'll get her machine/voicemail. Something short, to the point, and non-accusatory without being smarmy. Or you could go with the "oops, I got the wrong number... Who is this? Oh, hi! ...." routine. It could be something came up, or she flat out forgot, and was too embarrased, shy, or convinced you'd blow her off if she contacted you. It is a bit late to call, but one call a stalker does not make.

Well I got my closure the new number she gave me before we lost contact was cancelled So I called her on her old number once on two separate days, I got the answering machine. So I decided it wasn’t worth my time and deleted both numbers.

Good going on deleting the numbers, I was just about to suggest that. I do think though, that you shouldn't have called at all, and just deleted the number, so it was your decision wholely and not a response to the disappointment of getting an answering machine (its easier to hang up), so you could find strength in your reaction. But you can still feel strong that you made the effort to delete her number. She's not worth it.

Good luck finding someone who is actually worth your time. It can be fun sometimes too!

- Nath

Kalister is right.