So I was asked out...sorta

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Ok, so one of the girls where I work asked me out somewhere close by during lunch break on Friday. Nothing so unusual, I guess. But even though I am 21, I have never gotten laid, never had a girlfriend, never gone out with anyone before. Never kissed or held hands with a girl/woman. I've never even tried to pursue someone. And I'm sure the occasion is, most likely, emphasized for the purpose of 1 on 1 social interaction, not the choice of food/restaurant. See, this same woman had been regularly dropping hints that she was interested in me for the past several months, maybe a year even. Me, being unsure of myself all the time, just quietly acknowledged them but pretended to be oblivious to it. I'm not all that interested anyways. But I've sort of worked on pulling my head out of the gutter. Normally I would have shy'ed away from something like this, but I decided not to for this time. Problem is, I don't know what I'm going to be talking about while out. And I would feel kind of stupid just staying silent and looking around like I normally would.

So I guess my question is, how do you start to socially connect with anyone about anything when you feel like a complete stranger to them? (meh, I feel that way to everyone)

Oh god, I feel like a 13 year old...

tip: treat it as lunch.. honestly, one thing at a time. Be yourself, have a good time, and see where it goes. If she acts interested, try maybe asking for a date, but keep it simple. Good luck.

Depending on how his typical lunch goes, that may not be the best idea. If you shovel food in your face and then duck your nose into a book as soon as possible, that's not the kind of lunch that would be attractive to any woman. Remember we're aspies. You can't assume we treat lunch as a relaxed social event as most NTs do (whereas the NTs of the world grew up chatting with each other in the cafeteria, we sat in some table on our own, chewing on some sandwich and thinking about who knows what).

Just ask questions, let her do all the talking.

Specifically....ask open-ended questions. Not yes/no questions.
What kind of music do you like?
What do you like to do?
What's your major? (if you're in college)

Also, try not to reveal too much about yourself.
(Saying "I used to smoke crack and shoplift......my dad beat me as a child" etc. is not good for a first date).

I can relate to the obliviousness and not trusting my instinct. This is a great opportunity whatever happens.

Honestly... Put your head back in the gutter. Don't be a creepy guy who can't talk about anything without a sexual hint, but don't be unwilling to check her butt out, or maybe drop a hint yourself! Make eye contact (horrible misnomer - look at her face... ), relax, smile (better to seem to happy to be with her, than uninterested). For conversation, ask her what her plans are for the evening, and for the weekend (just be ready for her to ask you the same... and if you're interested, say you're thinking about seeing the new movie/museum exhibit/etc., but don't have anyone to go with (while looking at her) )

And touch her at least once (it might be difficult, but it'll be great too, trust me). You can put your hand on her back or elbow as she goes through the door, or touch her hand on the table. Or as you get up to go the rest room, touch her shoulder saying you'll brb. Brush a stray hair of hers back in place, tuck her tag in (even if it already is), there's lots of ways to do it. But making physical contact is important!


CRACK, no need to read this next bit. Best you skip it.

You forget, today is the NT holiday called Valentine's Day. If she asked for lunch any other day, she really digs him. Today tho?? If he were NT, he'd already have planned where he's going to take her to dinner, thinking about what to do for breakfast, and asking on the forums which prophylactics are his best option. Also, who the heck has ever heard of making a lunch date 2 days in advance? Around here, it's "Hey [insert name], what's for lunch today?" I'd say his days of being a virgin are drawing to an end, unless he completely blows it.

I get asked out too, but it's more like "Sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave".

I already made a tiny screwup today. When she said "Happy Valentines Day, (my-name)" (even though we aren't doing anything until tomorrow) I was kind of caught off guard and at a loss of response (plus that is the first time somebody has said that to me) and I just said "yeah..." she gives me a look thats either like or in a semi forgiving way (I'm not sure because I hardly made eye contact with her), followed by laughter of one of the co-workers, so I sucked up and said "Happy Valentines Day, (insert her name her)" and felt awkward for a good 15 minutes or so because I don't normally refer to anybody by name or title.

But enough of that. The key thing is to relax and be mostly myself.

She likes you. And I get the feeling she knows you are complete social head-case. Chill, she likes you despite that or she wouldn't have asked you out, said Happy v-day, or been at all perturbed you froze. Remember... SHE ASKED YOU OUT.

Good sign that you're too "busy" to give us an update....

Yep. Friday night, and he still hasn't reported in....

Maybe he's suffering from herpes.

Nah nothing big.

She called ahead to place the orders so that the food would be ready by the time we got there, ate there, and drove back. During that time, she asked me a few things about myself and about the choice of food I was getting. But nothing too deep. I was too anxious to ask her anything or initiate any kind of conversation with her. But I didn't put alot of forethought into what kind of questions or topics I would want to discuss because, even with forum advice, I was kind of mentally avoiding and procrastinating on that part. And I can't casually initiate conversation with anybody to save my life.

She asked me if I liked going out with her, I didn't know what to make of it so I just said "yeah" and asked me if I wanted to do it again next friday. I agreed. I'm still not sure why. But I'm always unsure of things and cautious in nature.

I'll see what/how I go about it the next time. Maybe I will feel a little more relaxed the second time around.

But I would also like to point out that I wouldn't exactly be interested in a serious long term relationship with her. From what I understand, she is only a year or 2 older than me, but she has a 5 year old son.

She REALLY likes you. Or there's a rumor going around that you are rich and hung like a horse.