Bachelor's Compendium: Home, Life and Love

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I am a bachelor. I'm Hopelessly single and looking for solutions. I intend to remedy my stag status and at the very least make being single a choice rather than a consequence. Dating Self-Help gurus are a dime a dozen these days, but I don't see many guys any the wiser on fixing their long term game. Why is this valuable information helping men approach women and getting the first steps, yet they fail to service more long term strategies?

Dating methods are plentiful these days, but what they offer in terms of "In Field Game" guerilla tactics, they lack in war room strategizing (Was that a word? Strategizing?). In-field plays help us locate the targets and attempt a hit, but they leave most men none the better at finding real connections. Experience is valuable, but uneducated experience seldom brings overall improvement. I believe there are ways we can bring overall improvement into our lives that will enrich us, and make us more interesting. When we are very comfortable with our sphere of existence, and when we are people of rich and interesting experience, we will give others the impression of high value. I will start this thread with two areas of improvement that could lead us to better luck in love: Life Building and Household.

Lead a more interesting life, with hobbies, outings, new empirical education, and you will make yourself a more interesting person to others. Having experience and stories to share, gives you plenty to talk about. I know; many men say women don't like men who talk about themselves. Entirely too absolutist. I've heard women comment that I never talk about myself, that I'm secretive. Another danger is that being a good listener, may only make you "nice" and nice is not enough to get a date. Nice makes you a good friend or confidant. You COULD use that to one day make the move on a female friend when they're down, but that method takes a lot of time and patience, and is overly sneaky, unscrupulous and manipulative. Live more of life, create your own adventures, so you can share them as tales.

We also need to address the cave we return to when the rigors of the day are behind us. What do you see when you pop the lock and step into your personal keep? Is it messy and random? Does your home project any sort of color coordination? Especially since we are Aspies, is there a hyperfocused theme that dominates all others?

Our manors are often a reflection of our reality. So maybe you got a number close, a date, and the woman (or man) wants to visit you at your place. What will she think when she enters? First impressions of your home are just as important as those of your person. College aged and younger crowds may be excused because of the transitional nature of dorms or student apartments, but those of us 25 and older may want to insert a lot of attention into our homes. Regardless of your lifestyle, your manor should amplify the good assets of your personality AND exude a sense of safety, comfort and strength. You want comfort so the woman feels at home, but you also want strong masculine furniture to bolster your own projection of strength.

Raise your value. I'm not advocating we will be superior, but only more interesting, which leads to women having a perception of higher value. You could still be quiet, but your interesting life will provide much conversation fodder. it's better to be quiet and intriguing, than quiet with nothing interesting about your life. Interest comes from the intensity of your experiences, variety of experiences, or the novelty of your experiences. Live life, build stories to tell your family, mates and children, and develop some novelty hobbies like a foreign language or palm reading.

Your newly decorated pad will be inviting and invigorating. Your new feeling about your self worth will project confidence. Your new and improving experienced living life will enrichen your life and provide value you can transfer to others. Now that I have kick started this concept of practical life building, we can discuss the details.
We can take some of the same "game" concepts, but build them from the inside out in our own AS way.

Last edited by 0hanrahan on 11 Jan 2008, 1:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wow! I'd love to see more posts like this one.

A few hours ago I was sorely tempted to rant about the silly (absolutist, as you say) "pick up artist" junk that keeps circulating through here. I feel it is ruining and misleading our men. I can tell who has been following those manipulative guidelines and they quite frankly repulse me. I'm sorry to phrase it in such a potentially hurtful way, but it's an extreme reaction I feel when I read what these guys have to say. I doubt I'm the only female who feels that way. There's some wheat to be gleaned from those gurus, but too often young men don't realize how to separate the chaff and throw it out. Thanks for having the courage to call a spade a spade!

This kind of advice is much more hopeful, realistic, and considerate--not to mention much more attractive to women.

Thanks! I believe it's a much healthier approach. Improve everything in your life and then reap side benefits like being a more attractive person overall. A little bit of Yin and Yang too. Too much of the Pick-Artist material is all Yang and Alpha-Male mentalities.

You sound like a gem...where have you been hiding?

This is a very useful post. I have never really cared about what a man's house was like, but I don't know if I felt I had the right to care. I feel like it's a person's own busines really. The only time I will care is if a guy is still sleeping on a matress on the floor. That takes it too far. But I know other women definately do not feel the same!!

I have always said I NEED a man who has interests. Reasons...

*If he doesn't he won't understand why I need to spend so much time on mine.
*Gives the impression he'll be far more interesting company, will have more to talk about and better ideas of things to do. He won't expect me to be interested in watching boring music channels/s**t films with him.
*Will maybe be more positive about life and its possibilities because he does these things.

Thanks!
I just joined a week ago. I've been doing bucket work and having some rants, which led to this post.

The focus here (I hope) will be ideas on how to improve our lives and domiciles. My home isn't terrible, but it's terribly boring right now. Beige everything in this Condo.

Life journey: We need ideas on pursuits and adventures, that are beyond or correlate with our specialized interests.

Your post touches on a larger issue, that I think many women can intuitively get a sense about me right away.

Especially when it comes to my living space and generally what I've 'achieved' in life. I can clean up my place, but overall I live a very disorganized slovenly lifestyle. I would of course clean up everything in my apartment before a lady came over, but even then... my idea of 'organized' isn't exactly mainstream.

Also, my path through life is going at a much slower pace that what is 'normal'. I'm 25, will graduate college soon, but feel like I'm about 2-4 years behind... and I have an idea what I want to do... but I don't know how I'm going to get there. And once I get into my late 20's early 30's in years... well progress is expected.

I do have some 'skills' and things I'm passionate about though. I'm into writing my own music, which I think can be interesting to the right woman.

I really am starting to hate all that 'alpha male', 'seduction' garbage. I'm not even saying it doesn't work. But I honestly believe they are focusing on an aspect of male/female relationships that is actually destructive. Okay so some women are attracted to the bad boy, I ask the question is this a good thing? Or should the girl be wiser and not even go after him. Would you even want a girl like this? What if someone with even a stronger 'game' seduces her?

Remove social anxiety, build confidence in who you are, and have social value in communicating... I think that's all one really needs to attract the right kind girl. And really much of it comes down to luck.

Good advice, but it is only a small part of the solution. You also have to figure out how to get women into your home, which can be the hard part for some of us. I've got a great house, a great life, lots of interest and hobbies, great friends and family, great stories, a great career, and more, but none of that matters if you don't fit her social criteria. Dating is a numbers game. You can't spend your days chasing after just 1 girl. Instead of putting everything you have into 1 potential partner and letting this one girl decide if you are right for her and whether or not you remain single, you should put yourself in the position of being the decision maker. You should be the one deciding that girls you dated don't fit YOUR criteria, because you found someone who fits your criteria better. Date multiple girls. Then, when you find one that is a good match for you, get rid of the rest, and enjoy your relationship.

It sounds like our living spaces could use a makeover. I'd like to invite some female friends over to help me make this place over, but first I'll start with a clean slate. I think I want to just get rid of all my old furniture and start rebuilding.

Another item I missed, albeit possibly linked to being more interesting, is building a wardrobe. How can we dress for success, yet dress in a way that amplifies who we are. I am also a musician and used to do a lot of writing. My problem is finding just the right clothes. Too many of the mall stores only carry the teen clothes or conservative 40-80 year old clothes. What about hair styles and other issues?

Does anyone suspect the presence of dating gurus? I do. Or at the very least, they have built AS disciples. I hope they don't steal ideas from this thread, but I don't think they would value our ideas. That being said I will give some minor credit to one guru (no advertising here): One of them also advises showing your peacock feathers in your dress. Where something that could be a conversation piece and dress up your look. Nothing more will be said, but I think dressing in well made clothes that reflect who we are will give you an advantage.

So let's talk decorating and clothing! Any women care to drop some reflections on dress and home design?

Ah, the wardrobe and living space thing is connected. I'm not very stylish, but I know what not to wear. I wear many solid colors and khaki pants or jeans. I love wearing Hawaiian shirts though, year round. I really have no clue what signal this sends to women, I'd like to believe positive... but perhaps a bit too silly. I try to choose Hawaiian shirts that compliment me, and are in good colors.

Hairstyles, I've been trying to sport the long hair for a while. I'm not prissy with it, but I use conditioner and keep it combed throughout the day... I think it helps.

Hopefully the evidence my wardrobe gives about my style means there are few surprises to my apartment. I'm not looking to seduce women or anything, so I think my apartment style.

If I seriously go out on the 'dating' scene... I'll just hire a maid to clean my place. Heck I might start doing that anyways...

Great article. I've featured this thread on the front page of WP.

So, to get people to like me, I must accumulate experience and knowledge to woo people from stories told and adventures lived? How is this any different than accumulating money, power, status and all that other shallow wish wash that dies with the splish splash of bluer waters?

No thanks.

I'd rather people like me for who I am, not what they think I can give to them.

I think you're taking the adventure and stories part a bit literally and to the extreme. There are people from the projects who have lived two life times of experience by sheer virtue of having no choice but to be active and live.
Get out in the world more, admittedly hard for AS types to do sometimes, and things will happen. You don't need lots of daring and money to accomplish this. Add more variety to your life by expanding your knowledge and friends.

So who are you? We can all ask and answer that for ourselves. Although I hope for someone to like me for who I am, my current state severely limits my chances. After listening in on others, I discovered that my life is not as rich with experience as others. The further you move in age past High School and early College, the more you'll learn that our experiences can matter. Even though I don't agree with the ladder theory, the "novelty" breakdown of attraction is all about being unique. The more experiences or special knowledge you have shaping who you are, the more unique you will seem.

I think the NTs probably live more of an external, experiential life by age 25 than we do. On the other hand, we have lived more of an internal introspective life. NTs have the edge when it comes to gaining experience, but we can probably outdo them in developed highly specialized interests. Our knack for developing specialzed focuses can be channeled in to acquiring novelty skills and knowledge. Skills and Knowledge will always be usable and ever adapting, unlike tales and experience which eventually get used up on one person. Here are a few examples of novelty skills and knowledge: palm reading, knowing a foreign language, being an excellent pool player, simple magic, knowing how to play poker, playing a musical instrument well, singing, telling jokes, being able to recite poetry (without being pedantic in analyses), a hobby, a sport, bird watching, art (sketch artist). I bet reading a ladie's palm and sketching her likeness would go a long way in making you stand out.

Being the real you is only a matter of who you allow yourself to be. Make "the real you" a choice and not a consequence of events you had no control over. Don't ask, "who am I?" - ask "who do I want to be?"
Live life as a roleplaying game: you can be straight ahead archetype, or you could become a unique multi-class character. Decide what aspects of your life you would like to work on: skills, attire, lore, strength, etc... and work on those.

An interest in Unix systems and poetry will have limited appeal, but you could still have those two interests and add something else to contrast, like kayaking, and it will make a world of difference. Balance is the key: just as women get bored of jocks who do nothing else, we need to develop areas outside of our current interests. Yin and Yang: physical and mental and emotional. Vary your skills and experiences.

I have much more to add, but have to go and try and live life.

heh I'll be watching this thread. I think my place is pretty nice. Don't see much point in how it relates to women however. I think the only females that have ever come to my place has been my mother and my step mother. And only reason step mother came over is because she came with my dad.

Oh, slight lie. My sister came over last year.

This post is brilliant, the content as well as the writing-style!

I'll be watching this for more intriguing ideas

Personally, speaking from the perspective of a girl, I would not be impressed with my palm being read (it's really highly inaccurate), nor with the majority of those things. I don't love him because of what interests him, nor do I love him for what "novelty" things he can do.



Considering I love him for who he is... Honestly, the fact that he acts as who he is, and doesn't fake being someone else, is a very good thing, at least to me. What you can't control does shape you in ways; you can't get rid of that, no matter how hard you try. You can put on a face and pretend to be someone you're not, but that's not really you then. I love who he is; and if others aren't willing to do that, then that's their loss.

His house doesn't interest me either. I don't care how clean or messy it is. Heck, my room is very messy at the moment (actually, I can find stuff, so it's organized in my fashion; just no one else can), but that's just how I am; if it's that big of a deal, then I'm very confused. Besides, I wouldn't want him to be more or less neat/messy than usual just because I was coming over; it's part of who he is, just like all the rest.

What you suggest works, but it depends on who you're trying to attract. There are a lot of women who would like things to be done just the way you described them, but there are also women who would find that offsetting. It's an opinion.