how do you hurt someone in a relationship?

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Clearly, hurting someone in a relationship is different from hurting someone who is a friend or a stranger.

If you desire attention at a particular time, are you hurt when your SO doesn't give you such attention?

If your SO isn't creative enough to send you something special on your birthday, are you hurt when your SO sends you something cliche?

If your SO changes, does this hurt you? (perhaps you've respected the SO for having certain traits but the SO suddenly changes her traits/belief systems?)

If your SO expresses social-political views that you find distasteful (and you never knew your SO expressed such views before), does this hurt you?

Are there other examples?

it depends on how much you have invested in the relationship. If it's a first date, you can bail, but if you're married; it's a bit more expensive...

Sounds like the hints aren't working. One problem with AS is that we don't do hints well...sometimes you have to be honest.

Maybe if you feel comfortable enough to open up to them and express your feelings, they can get a clue...heaven knows I wish some had in the past...

the term 'relationship' doesn't exclude friends, or landlords, or bosses, or kids down the street. we 'relate' to all of these people. so a 'relationship' is not exclusive to someone you are dating or married to.

when I was in Shakespeare class we were asked to 'describe all the relationships in The Tempest' and 90% of the class only talked about Miranda and Ferdinand because they were deeply in love. But the prof explained how each of the characters had a 'relationship' with another in the play, as Prospero's relationship to Miranda was of father and daughter and Prospero and Antonio were brothers and King Alphonso was Liege to Prospero ( who was really the Duke of Milan)

so a relationship is exactly that, how you relate to someone, not just a significant other.

Merle

Depends on what your values are.

Someone needs to listen to country music. It is mostly stories of how lovers hurt each other.

If you desire attention at a particular time, are you hurt when your SO doesn't give you such attention?
Eh, yeah. Sometimes. I guess because I'm usually the one avoiding attention I never learned how to handle being avoided. I guess it's called irony, hah.

If your SO isn't creative enough to send you something special on your birthday, are you hurt when your SO sends you something cliche?
If my husband is kind and generous enough to do ANYTHING for my birthday, I'm appreciative. Expecting him to do something AND get exactly what I want...there are names for people like that.

If your SO changes, does this hurt you? (perhaps you've respected the SO for having certain traits but the SO suddenly changes her traits/belief systems?)
I don't like change, but I'd also like to think that I would respect his desire to make positive changes.

If your SO expresses social-political views that you find distasteful (and you never knew your SO expressed such views before), does this hurt you?
Does it hurt me? That's extreme. Mostly our political views align, but when they don't I'm not throwing a fit about it.

I noticed that your questions mostly pointed out what incomplete investigation had been made before attaching yourself to the SO.

If you desire attention at a particular time, are you hurt when your SO doesn't give you such attention?

it's up to YOU to figure out why they aren't into giving you the attention you desire at that particular time. If I think they are gonna drop everything and come running to your side because you have a hang nail, you might be mistaken, however if you have broken your leg, then you might expect them to come, and quick!

If your SO isn't creative enough to send you something special on your birthday, are you hurt when your SO sends you something cliche?

Why would you have chosen someone that wasn't creative enough to send you something special on your birthday? Why would you be with someone who relied on a cliche? You get what you settle for, so don't blame them for not being a mind reader if you never discussed stuff like this before you committed to them.

If your SO changes, does this hurt you? (perhaps you've respected the SO for having certain traits but the SO suddenly changes her traits/belief systems?)

well, just remember your SO is not your slave, (unless they are, but that is another subject altogether!) they are a living, breathing person that can change their mind at will. Usually I found when they changed their minds THAT much, shortly I was going to find out how much they had changed their minds about ME, as well. (Good luck with that, because that REALLY hurts.)


If your SO expresses social-political views that you find distasteful (and you never knew your SO expressed such views before), does this hurt you?

again, it is not them, but YOU who have made the mistake. Two years is a good time to get to know someone before committing into a relationship. This usually involves at least one election cycle. I would suggest you talk to your SO about these things long before you commit.