Online dating etiquette - advice needed

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All right, I tend to use the scientific method in my approach to socializing, so I recently reasoned out that I'm going to HAVE to start using an online dating service, (I use geek2geek.com, it makes the most sense to me out of any website). I am aware that there's a certain degree of etiquette when it comes to using the phone, (wait a couple days before calling back, etc.) but do such things apply to messaging back and forth on a dating website? I would assume things would move rather quickly. This one girl I was talking to (whom I don't have a picture of) stated she was uncomfortable with talking on the phone and said we should write back and forth as "pen-pals". I guess it is better to be friends first before dating, but I'd assume this would apply more to girls I had face to face contact with. I haven't seen a photo of her yet either. I think I need to start getting a little harsh, saying that at least going on AIM (which she's also afraid) is a necessity and warn her that eventually I do want to meet up and that I need to see a photo soon.

Don't laugh at me because I'm a little new to this website but what is AIM?

geek2geek.com is InterAxiom Technologies - Data-Driven Business Solutions.

its gk2gk.com actually, about the photo, I believe whole-heartedly that I'm more tolerant than most guys are about physical attractiveness, but like everyone else, i have lines

I would agree with Nan about letting her be what she is.... but you too, you have to be what you are.... if things are not moving fast enough for you, move on.... she is simply too slow for you and this will impact any futur relationship.... just do what you think, one day, there will be a girl who will like your rythme, only with her can you expect something durable....

I'm a girl. I once used an online dating site and when a guys pushed for phone conversations before I was ready, i was really put off. I need more time to get used to someone new. AIM doesn't scare me, but I was also put off when he IMed me everytime i was online!! !! There was one date with this one dude but I already didn't like him due to him not respecting my boundaries. Granted, my boundaries involved not talking on the phone too early whereas most NT girls boundaries probably involve something a little, more, intimate. haha. But anyway, just my personal experience. I'd let her go at her pace if I were you. You have nothing to lose. You can chat up and even meet other girls in the meantime. Perfectly normal and not looked down upon.

If it's such an issue for you (and I can understand where you're coming from), then don't think of it as dating her, or getting to know her to date, but just being a pen-pal. There's any number of reasons why she may be reticent to show a picture or speak on the phone (my personal guess, Battered Spouse Syndrome). However, if you feel the need, you could say that you would like to hear her voice, and feel it would help build trust, if she were willing to speak to you on the phone at least once (and help show she's not really a butt-ugly old guy). But be willing to provide her with your number, and point out she can use *67. I wouldn't push the picture issue.