Do you *hate* infatuation euphoria?

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I knind of wonder if anyone else feels this, especially other guys. It pertains to seeing a girl checking you out, maybe giving you that wide-eyed Cameren Diaz bit, or whatever. Yeah, you appreciate the attention, you may feel like it's a false alarm though when she hasn't seen your personality yet, but at the same time here's the kicker - your mind throws such an intense emotional high at you or you feel her emotions comming at you so intensely that not only can you not look at her but you absolutely hate having those feelings anymore at all?

Maybe I'm one of the few guys who's had to really put a lot of very deliberate effort to kicking the 'proper male' grit into himself but I have that natural tendency to be emotionally off in the clouds, I endulged in it lots as a kid, and for the past few years, ever since I really found a lot of strenght, backbone, and emotional security in dwelling on the harsh, bleak, and loveless side of things, it's like those types of feeling threaten to just destroy everything like an incomming tsunami. It used to bypass my control sometimes, I might just about be broken down and bent to the will of that emotion, but even if it physiologically felt like bliss to be it was complete hell. I'm a bit of a self-control freak, I have lots of self-assurance and can feel like I'm pimpin it IRL because I can be businesslike and talk NT-straight with a lot of very attractive women when as a kid they're appearance and presence threw me for too much of a loop (yeah, I had no sisters).

Anytime now that I start having any intense feelings like that I either try to find a bleak and seared angle in the whole thing to hold my focus on and ground myself with, if I'm in the car throw on some of the right gangster rap or whatever else directly contradicts it, but ANYTHING to keep myself from floating off.

Is anyone else with me on this? If so, have you ever found someone who liked you and with whome you were able to get arround this with? Someone I guess who had a dry enough and grounded enough emotionality to their infatuation that it didn't send you off that end? I'm kinda depending on that because even though a lot of the girls who are emotionally intense in the way they flirt may be the greatest thing for me if I got passed their intensity, the trouble is not having em think I'm disinterested when I anchor down with the John Wayne act out of self-preservation or when I try to redirect the energy of the conversation to what feels to me like more stable and less euphoric ground.

I admit that I have noticed what might be girls checking me out before. I'm never sure when it happens, but I do try to say hi to them if I notice they did. I don't have a special "flirting" mode of talking; I just try to talk friendly to them and hope they like me.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I've been at both extremes over the last few years and I know how hard it is to hold a healthy balance. I used to get completely floored whenever I was around this certain girl. I've never been stoned, but I imagine that's how it feels -- just being completely wiped out, mumbling stupid answers to questions and trying not to stare. Nowadays I force myself to look away and ignore any attractive girls. And if I get into a conversation with one, I turn on the platonic-friend-speak full blast and shut down my mind. I think about programming in C++ or how good the new Broken Social Scene album is going to be or something else mundane, and I steadfastly refuse to really think about the person I'm talking to just to keep myself from gaping like the village idiot.

Both sides are pretty insane (though I find the second one to involve less suffering). I guess if you wanted to show that you're not an emotionless machine while still preserving some mental capacity, a solution could be to figure out ways to do a little flirting in advance, and then put it into action at a crucial moment. Your mind might be occupied with gory car wrecks or cute farm animals heading toward the slaughter while you're doing it and you might not actually be "feeling it" at that moment, but you'll at least be showing interest.

Maybe it's off topic, but I'm curious. Why do you hate euphoria so much? Why did you decide to switch from indulging it to training yourself out of it? In what way is it counterproductive to things like strength and backbone? This is so alien to the way I normally think of things that I find it fascinating.

I haven't had the problem of anyone initially being too "intense" but I did have to problem of trying to moderate my own intensity, mainly for the reason I explain below but also because I am a definite cynic; I am aware of how annoying euphoria can be to those around you and to yourself in retrospect, though the latter is more embarassing than anything else.

Last edited by Serissa on 28 Sep 2005, 8:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's obvious when people perve at me.

I don't really care, though. Most guys like the attention, I thought.

Can't really relate. Girls would sooner check out a book on the biochemistry of newts than me.

That's real complicated and I can say that half of that is just an innate tendency. The rest of it, although I like to think I'm good with words most of the time it's so piecemeal and involves too many things about how I know it effects me outwardly (things that you'd think "why is that negative?" - it is on me, don't ask me, ask the women who've taken u-turns on me on the flip of a coin and shot me down over it). With me I don't have to do anything socially wrong, my personal resonance is just that much of an enemy.

Also, like I mentioned before, it's almost like getting psychologically raped - having my control over my functioning completely pulled out of my hands and being buckled under the will, emotions, or predictions pushed by someone else. Even if it's supposedly in a positive direction, I usually got swept like that in the past and then, also in an analogous way, jabbed real hard in the solar plexus. So it translates to an extremely dangerous and vulnerable feeling, so much so that if it ever does sweep me I feel like going all out on myself when I get home.

Well, if my problem is that rare than I probably am all alone, no one is gonna understand it, and like a lot of other ways that my AS is extremely atypical I'm not gonna have any hope in credibly explaining it or getting anyone else to come to terms with it.

Another thing I was thinking about on this and why I tend to hate pleasurably or depressively moody emotions (ie. anything that has the effect of stealing a lot of my mental resources just to put me on that roller-coaster ride), the fact that they steal from everything else really does make me that much less functional when it does happen and I guess that's another reason why I'm so afraid of it. I'm 25, just barely keeping the illusion of a credible adult IRL, just barely keeping the rampant dimensia that's interlaced throughout my intelligence hidden, and that takes so much work that I can barely lose an ounce of resource. Just today I realized again that for some reason, even though I only have 2 college classes and maybe 20 hours of work a week right now, I'm damn lucky that I have friends who I can see only 2 times a month and not have em take it the wrong way. My mental indurance is ish. In a way I'm extremely lucky I don't have a girlfriend right now because I'm finding I'm almost drained of energy after mental tasks that I used to find easy.

Something else at pyraxis, it's strange but I don't just hate any euphoria in general either. I've done plenty of street drugs like acid, mescaline, ecstacy, and none of them gave me a feeling I didn't want - if anything it was a very empowering euphoria that it felt like it was adding to me rather than crushing my identity. On the other hand, the natural euphoria from infatuation is like taking an SSRI for me. It feels like it dumbs me out, crushes my intellect and identity, and leaves me in a spot where I not only look extremely weak and vulnerable but am.

I don't hate the euphoria that I get in situations that you are talking about I just hate the fact that I feel pressured to act or that the may come over to me or that my facial expression that I give back will offend them. I didn't quite realise this was the reason at first for me not feeling comfortable in those situations but after a while of trying to think what I hated about the situation I finally found out the reasons I dislike those situations some times.

One of the bad cases of this was one time when I was in a computer room at uni in my free time and I went to the coke machine to by a drink of coke and came back to my computer and found a note and girl that I thought was very attractive was smiling at me. This was one of the worse cases of the situation techstepgenr8tion described that happened to me.
In this case I took the easy option and stopped going to that computer room. I know I shouldn't of but oh well she didn't know what I was like any way.

I share your sentiments - particularly the euphoria that sweeps me away and disengages my mind from my body (yes, I do stupid things... endless jokes etc)

However, I envy you because others gravitate toward you. bastard (in a nice way)

Lol, sometimes I don't understand it either. I have a vague guess as to what with in me might be fueling the nonverbal calculus behind that but I still get the feeling like there's probably something else to it somewhere that I'm missing myself.

Luckily I never have anyone look at me with favor in their eyes, or have anyone say anything which even teases favor.

Yeah. If you got that going for you, don't question it, embrace it..yet don't get too caught up in it. I have a wierd feeling that I get some girls enfatuated sometimes...in a different way (with words). I mean to be friendly and many take it the wrong way.

As for the actual "infatuation euphoria"...naa, I rarely get it. You know what I get? Half decked out, nice looking girls will smile at me when I drive my Acura and then the same ones will frown and look away when I drive my little old Jeep truck.

Wow! You're very lucky! What do you think you did that brought you to her attention?