No motivation to take girlfriend out

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PowersOfTen
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02 Mar 2008, 4:33 pm

I am not currently in a relationship, but in the past I have noticed something about myself that seems to be different from others, or at lease the girls I've had a long-term relationship with.

For some reason, I'm perfectly content with just sitting around the house and cuddling almost all of the time, whereas they want to constantly go out and see friends or see movies or various random activities. I will do these things to make them happy but really, I'd be happier just staying at home, laying around and not doing much of anything besides enjoying their company. Does anyone else also have this problem?



Rainbow-Squirrel
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02 Mar 2008, 4:42 pm

The most important thing is that YOU are happy, not her. Your needs are in contrast whit hers ? She's just not good for you.



Belfast
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02 Mar 2008, 4:59 pm

PowersOfTen wrote:
I am not currently in a relationship, but in the past I have noticed something about myself that seems to be different from others, or at lease the girls I've had a long-term relationship with.

For some reason, I'm perfectly content with just sitting around the house and cuddling almost all of the time, whereas they want to constantly go out and see friends or see movies or various random activities. I will do these things to make them happy but really, I'd be happier just staying at home, laying around and not doing much of anything besides enjoying their company. Does anyone else also have this problem?

I'm an introverted person (which can appear in anyone, AS or NT)-also am agoraphobic, have social anxiety, and find many situations/stimuli aversive. So I don't have much interest in leaving the house & going out in public. I'm "AS", my boyfriend is "NT"-but we enjoy spending time together "doing nothing" (talking, watching tv, listening to music, exchanging physical contact, etc.).
What you describe sounds fine, for a compatible sort of person-and I believe I'm not the only one who prefers to stay in & just enjoy one's companion. There are highly social & extroverted people who might not be satisfied with what you have to offer, but there are more kinds of people than just that particular type.


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TheMidnightJudge
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02 Mar 2008, 5:03 pm

Rainbow-Squirrel wrote:
The most important thing is that YOU are happy, not her. Your needs are in contrast whit hers ? She's just not good for you.


I don't think I agree with that exactly.

In a relationship, both sides have to make some sacrifices. If two people are not compatable, then maybe they shouldn't be together. But even in the best relationships there will always be disagreements and comprimise.



pakled
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02 Mar 2008, 5:37 pm

uh...if you're not at least making a token effort to make her happy, you're going to find yourself alone...;)

a relationship, by definition, is between two (or more) parties. You get some of what you want, she gets some of what she wants. She sounds like she likes to be around people, and have fun with them. She wants you to come along, so that's at least something in your favor. Start small, something intimate, but outside of the house. It's something you can get used to.



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03 Mar 2008, 4:21 am

Rainbow-Squirrel wrote:
The most important thing is that YOU are happy, not her. Your needs are in contrast whit hers ? She's just not good for you.


The important thing is that BOTH of you are happy.
I can see her point, but surely you aren't her only option for human contact? Couldn't she go out with friends, or even by herself?


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03 Mar 2008, 9:46 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
I can see her point, but surely you aren't her only option for human contact? Couldn't she go out with friends, or even by herself?


While I haven't had a girlriend at any point in my life, I have been close enough to that to know what such a situation like this is... It really depends on what she wants to go out to do. If she wants to do something I enjoy doing, I join her. Otherwise, I just say "have fun", she goes off, and thats the end of that...



Aridarr
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03 Mar 2008, 9:51 am

Rainbow-Squirrel wrote:
The most important thing is that YOU are happy, not her. Your needs are in contrast whit hers ? She's just not good for you.


Yes, because everyone knows that selfishness is the key to a happy relationship. :roll:


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hollybee
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03 Mar 2008, 1:57 pm

Relationships are all about give and take. Obviously that doesn't mean to an unreasonable level but if you're really like/love someone then you'll enjoy making them happy by joining them doing things they like doing. It goes both ways though so in your case, a girlfriend shouldn't expect you to join her on every outing and should stay in with you a bit as well as going out on her own. I know my boyfriend isn't a fan of shopping but he lets me wander into shops for a bit before starting to moan! Similarly, we've both gone to see bands that we're not the biggest fans of just because the other likes them.