Overcoming the Paranoia

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Don't get me wrong, my girlfriend loves me and I love her. We've been at each other constantly, she's real great at expressing herself verbally so I have been able to know what she feels and this has been great. She's every bit as OCD as I am and I love her even more for it

Though there is that one little thing...
It's totally not anything that holds water, and it's totally irrervenlant but the first time we met she was a bit "wild," i.e. making out with a bunch of guys and I was being the token nice guy and making sure she was ok - she was a friend of a friend afterall. Of course over the weeks it grew into a romance between the two of us and now we're in our 3rd month of bf/gf (5 months total dating). Anyway, I know that she's 100% commited to me. We're talking of wedding plans (she graduates with her masters next spring and once we get steady jobs we'll become engaged) and we both want the same things in life. Anyhoo, I still occasionally get jittery with thoughts of that first night. Granted we weren't going out and she didn't even know me back then, but I occasionally get this unexplainable paranoia. I've already talked about it once with her but she just seemed to try so hard to explain that wasn't her. I know it wasn't, since I've gotten to know her. But everynow and then something reminds me of that night and I experience the paranoia.

I do know that she will remain faithful to me, but is there anyway to shake that jittery feeling any faster? Talking about it does help - but right now she's off in a foriegn country with her mom and sister for another week.

People respond to their circumstances. Someone who is in a lonely and needy state may go a bit nuts, which is why you'll often hear warnings about people who are "on the rebound," for example. You'll also see it in people who have felt trapped in a bad relationship for a long time, or people who have been solitary at a stage of their life when they just DID NOT want to be. But that nuttiness rarely continues once they're in a good relationship.

What you saw was like seeing someone pig out after not eating all day. If someone is well fed, they are not going to do that. So keep her happy, and don't worry about it.

You've just got to learn to trust.
And I know just the kind of feeling
that you're going through - even though
"that's not her," that she might become
not herself again - so it's not going to
be easy. But, your love depends upon
it.

so wait. what are you getting paranoid for, because I don't understand at all.

hehe.....boy I'm sure a majority of you are going to want to pound me for this, but with my first girlfriend, I cheated on her, heh. twice. first time was on my missions trip, though I'm not sure that kissing another good girl-friend who I liked(okay rehash that, we both liked each other while we were dating our significant others) counts on the cheating spectrum in a relationship, and there was almost a second time. when she was in Europe for a month, there was this girl that I knew, who I'd been friends with for a while, I almost invited her over to my house to swim, but my intentions weren't all that nobel and honorable, this girl was a........how shall we put this..........hmm.........very sexually active girl, and uh.........hehe, well to put it bluntly I had planned on inviting her over, for some "fun," in the pool.

so was I paranoid? No. am I going to be paranoid this summer over the girl that I like? who I have a slight possiblity of dating next year? No. because I'm not a paranoid or jealous person. I'm just a jerk.

I've cheated in every relationship that I've been in,
to some extent or another. The first, I thought we
had an open relationship (these things weren't well
defined); the second, well, I guess technically I couldn't,
because it was just too confusing - but we were both
jealouse, and with others; then with my wife, I couldn't
stay away from the above mentioned - though in my
defense, we did all end up in a relationship together,
so I guess it's fair. Never been with anyone who didn't
cheat either - the joys of mutual infidelity (though again
that second case probably doesn't really count).

Well my friend, all you can do is calmly raise your concerns. If she has reassured you as you've said, you can't harp on it, just try your best to trust her. Please bear in mind that there is always risk when we give our trust, but the alternative is to never trust, which would rob us all of much in life.

I think that's called 'sowing one's wild oats'...

Now, if she did it later on, after you guys became an item, then there might be cause for concern.

Love is a process; it doesn't stay the same over time, it grows, wanes, gets simple, complicated, the usual stuff. If she's been faithful since you guys got serious, count yourself lucky. Best of it to the both of you.