Nervous about dating

Post Reply New Topic

A friend of mine just asked me out, and I said yes, and now I'm really nervous. I've been single for a couple of years following a string of crappy relationships ( an alcoholic, a misogynist, etc.) This guy's nice, very talented, but very not my type. He drives me a little insane, and I'm worried that it's not going to work out at all, that he's just going to irritate me, and that it will ruin our friendship.

On the one hand, I feel like I should date a nice guy. I tend be attracted to...not so nice guys, so the fact that he's not my type is maybe a good thing. Also, his irritating me is more about me than him. Everything irritates me..so maybe I need to be more patient with others. And he's agreed to quit smoking, which is good for everyone. Plus, he knows that I've got AS, and is a little entertained by it, which is better than some other reactions (like my mother's).

On the other hand, we have very different schedules. He has some sleeping disorder which makes it so he doesn't fall asleep until really early in the morning. Also, we are both extremely eccentric..I don't know if our different types of crazy could peacefully coexist. Also, I'm going off to graduate school in a couple months.

But then I think, I am over-thinking this way too much and should stop, because what's the worst that could happen, all that logical stuff. But then my brain just starts going in circles again.dizzy brain. grrrr.

Good luck with it all. And well done for getting 'out there'.

I am just starting to be open to dating again.

I am part of a support group for people who are attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable, it has really given me great tools for understaning myself, and what it is in me that needs changing in order to attract women who are kind gentle and attuned to my inner desires.

However, it is all very new this dating thing, even at the right ol age of 42 I feel like a newcomer.

Wishing you well.

Chris.

If you do get involved, try looking at it as a challenge for personal growth. It sounds like you do want to find new avenues, new venues, and want to work on certain things regarding your own emotionality - if its getting old and you feel like its time for a change, this may be a good situation in that regard so long as he's similarly on-board.

It's springtime! That means spring flings. I doubt he will sign you into his will on the first date. Take the chance. You never know how a date could normalize his sleeping disorder. You are overthinking - stop it! Don't look at the disabilities and get pre-judging happening. Sure would not want that to come back in karma. Look at the bright side... I assume he is contagious-disease free? And not a felon? And not an alcoholic? And not already married? 80% of his boyfriend job is done, by just showing up clean and nice. Have a good time!

I am smiling now. Thank you^.^

lol...you sound a lot like my ex-gf. I found out through my 3-week experience with her that she likes guys who treat her like s**t. That's why she was uncertain about our relationship. Because I'm a good guy, and she's one of those girls who either consciously or subconsciously likes to be abused. I'm a gentleman and I treat a girl with respect. lol. That's probably why I don't have a g/f in today's overly-liberal day and age

Her self esteem is the lowest I've ever seen in a girl.

Is your self esteem low? Do you not feel that you deserve to be treated better? Maybe you should explore these issues with a therapist before dating this guy - or any guy for that matter.

the self-esteem is ok now, tho I have a history of not so much (eating disorders and the like.)

I don't want to be with a guy that treats me like sh**...it just seems to end up that way. Which I why, despite his not being my type, I'm trying to date this nice guy^.^ In any case, I can't really talk it over with a therapist, since I don't really have one right now...I've always had trouble dealing with therapists and shrinks.

Also, the dating is going ok, I think. We're both really awkward, which means that we are easy to forgive eachother's awkwardness. He just left...we were watching the movie Tampopo...a Japanese film about the quest for the perfect ramen. I recommend it. Very weird scene with an egg yolk.

that's awesome! Just give it time. The awkwardness will go away soon enough. Respect to you for choosing the good guy! Did you two have a good time? Is there gonna be a second date?

Ramen pwns, except for the MSG, so I can't eat it

indeed, we're finishing the second movie tonight. After all, we have to find out whether or not our heroine can learn how to make the perfect noodles^.^

I'm pretty sure he want to watch movies in the hopes of making out...he asked how most of my relationships started, and I said that mostly they were friendships that turned into more after making out during a movie or something. Now he wants to watch movies. Oy vey.

That's why I act like a jerk around girls I like


jk

Mmmyep, whatever you do, don't over think it.

Whether it ends good or bad, it's a valuable lesson learned in our ever-evolving hearts.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Are you physically attracted to this guy? I'm sure he's no Johnny Depp or (whatever other male celeb the girls drool over), but is he somewhat good looking? Physically fit? Good hygene?

2. Are you just going out with him because you feel guilty about the choices you made in the past?

3. What specifically bothers you about him? and why? Some examples could be...he talks too fast, he smells funny, he eats like a pig, he talks about things that don't interest you, he's too needy/touchy/dependent, etc. Maybe he has a bad taste in clothes, or his hairstyle is lame. Maybe he bores you.

...or...

Maybe you could try biting the bullet and making out with him. Just once. Who knows? Maybe he's a good kisser. Stick with him. You might be pleasently surprised.

However, if it doesn't work out between you two, then you should be the one to tell him, and give him specific reasons why it doesn't work out.

Dude, I like you and all, but I don't think this is gonna work out because of A, B, and C. It doesn't make you a "meanie" or a "b***h" and at the same time, it doesn't make him any less of a person. You two are just not a good match, and that's ok. We live in a world with 6,000,000,000 people and growing.

He will be hurt for a little bit, but it he'll bounce back. Rejection can be a positive learning experience if it is done properly and both sides have a clear understanding about the message. If he truely is a good guy, he will respect you for giving him a chance, and he will respect you for being upfront and honest with him.

Hell, I don't even know you, and I have A LOT of respect for what your doing.

LOL...if that doesn't work, blow a few farts in his direction and see how he reacts Maybe it'll turn him off, so he'll reject you...BUDDA-BING-BUDDA-BOOM! Problem solved