why is sleeping with friends bad?

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something that's been pretty common for me is more often than not i've ended up having some kind of sexual experience with male friends of mine. Until version 3 my social AI didn't even distinguish the difference between what society called friendship and what society called a "romantic relationship", apparently this is somehow bad.

One of my female friends reckoned it was like i was being exploited, I don't understand why cos i never felt exploited. There also seemed to be this assumption that the end of the friendship would follow which never actually happened.

it never leads to anything in terms of a romantic relationship, but that's good since i only ever leave a trail of destruction if i try that anyway.

The worst that's happened is i've felt somewhat clingy for a while when my mate wasn't. But that's all. Why do people think this is bad, especially why would people think my friend was taking advantage of me in this case?

It depends what you want out of it.

If it was me I would not feel exploited because I would only be wanting the same thing as they wanted. I don't like relationships, and don't want one.

It seems you might have been expolited with the person you were clingy too if they knew that you felt that way.

Do you mean like, one night stands except these people are friends of yours?
I don't see how it's any different than a one night stand.

The difference is that it saves you money!

EGMaria, I ask the same question. Why is it considered bad? I've had a VERY positive experience in this regard.

A female friend of mine are best friends. We met in 2000 and became good friends very quickly with no desire for a romance. In mid-2003 we decided to begin a sexual relationship for the sake of exploration and confidence. We both knew we lacked sexual experience and were 'behind the times'. So far, it's been more of the light stuff, like foreplay.

It was an on-and-off sort of thing (she was always self-conscious about a sexual relationship before marriage, and I respected that) for quite some time and there were some times when the relationship was strained - but even friendships have rough patches. Honestly, the tough times with the sexual relationship strengthened the friendship. Even in 'normal' times, the trust factor with the sex stuff boosted our trust in each other as friends.

Now, more recently this story has gotten a lot juicier. A few weeks ago, we both realised we had feelings for each other and have decided to give romance a go (heck we were almost in a romantic relationship at the time, anyway). This was never intentioned. It was a friendship where the friends explored the sexuality of the other gender to gain confidence, should we ever get our own partners.

The good thing is, we know each other's personalities and emotions. We are comfortable physically (she's probably the only girl/person who I'm comfortable to allow to touch me - after a short warm up period) and we trust each other entirely.

So, in my opinion, sex with friends is not bad as long as its a mutual understanding and that there is complete honesty between the friends.

You *have* a level 3 social AI? Bows in awe!

It may sound cynical, but I think that a sexual relationship is what you get if you cross a friendship with crack-cocaine. You still do all the friendship things, but a zillion times over because you have a good chance of getting withdrawl symptoms when away from the other person. It also can be a very expensive habit. Worse still, one of you may not be so easily addicted as the other one, so they may not be able to get their fix.

Because of this, people often seek a known life-long supply for their drug. Unfortunately, this often looses its potency with time. Also, once addicted, people have a habit for looking for something stronger.

[struggles to disable increasingly errant level 2 metaphorical AI...]

I dont' really see anything wrong with sleeping with your friends. And there didn't seem to be any problem with your experiences, judging by what you've said.

I really don't see anything wrong w/ it but most people would get worried and say something like,"What if you get pregnant?" or "What if you get AIDS?" Crap like that.Also,msot people would say something like,"Why would you do something like that with someone you don't really love?"You know...stuff like that...I mean I'M not saying there's something wrong with it,that's just how most people would view it..............


-SpaceCase

Sleeping with friends isn't a really a problem only if they both understand that is just sex and don't have any other expectations.


Personally in the casual sex arena cause I either had feelings for the girl, or I wasn't attracted to her at all and couldn;t get it up.

I think it's not bad. I think you should be with friends.

As already mentioned, it can be fine if both parties involved understand that it is just sex, and they shouldn't expect a romantic relationship as well. It doesn't usually stay like that, though.

The problem is that sex can sometimes change people's feelings about each other (or so I've heard). When one person develops romantic feelings for the other, it puts a strain on their friendship. Also if one of the people gets a significant other, it might make the other person jealous which also puts a strain on the friendship.

Having sex with friends can destroy friendships and that is why it is considered bad.

I think I"ve had the same problem. For some reason, I always wind up being a friend to my female friends and a crying shoulder, and occaisional sex partner, but never a bf. Its annoying at times honestly.

lol. No I said version 3, more like as in "3 revisions and it's still not even half right" think of them more as like mile stones whenever i make a significant relisation about NT social behavior that was a new "version number" it was something one of my computer science class mates joked about, since they quickly twigged that the way i understood things had more in common with the machines we were learning to program than anything else. Ironically i still failed comp sci.


Haha, right on this is exactly the model i use nowdays, or at least it's the one that just about always wins. Trying to model NT concepts of "love" proved to be completely futile.