Dying of Humiliation

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I wrote to this AS guy I have a major crush on and I told him how I felt. I also told him we have a lot in common and I really want to be friends if nothing else. However, I've been pursuing him and I've been pushy. I'm worried he will avoid me now. I'm worried I have dashed all chance of a friendship. I'm worried I've scared him away. I feel like a moron. Someone told me this was inappropriate for me to do, since we barely know each other. I just feel total and complete humiliation. I feel like a 16 year old.

Why did you choose to write him how you felt? What did you expect to get from this exercise?

Eh...horrid predicament. How the heck can we let folks know how we feel without putting ourselves into a seriously-vulnerable position?

I guess I was going nuts with his not calling me and I was missing male attention. I always do better in writing than speaking anyway, so I thought this would be a good outlet. I can't take it back now, though. I'm hating this and obsessing over this!

Okay, what is done is done. Who knows? You might get a phone call out of him.

Being one of the early adopters of email and the Internet I have taken to putting everything in writing. In some ways it works well, in other ways it has backfired. As a dear friend of mine recently said, "Email is NOT communication." and I tend to agree. You cannot see body language nor can you hear an immediate response with written letter.

For this reason I have attempted to put more phone and face communication back in my life. It turns out this is much easier said than done. Email, letters, whatever have a feel of safety. You write something, you don't have to deal with the other person's reaction. However, you are left twisting in the wind trying to figure out whether they are going to call or write.

Let this go, you sent the letter now move on. I think we've all done this once or twice.

I've done that last year. Poured my heart out. She called me naive and stopped talking to me shortly thereafter. Yeah I felt like a 16yo as well. Probably because emotionally I am 16.

Wise words, darlin'.

It's okay. Even if you never hear from him again, it really is okay. I just did a similar thing. I have a thread in here somewhere about it. Things were going really well (I thought) and then he just disappeared. It happens.

Important thing is, you did a gutsy thing. Inappropriate? Whatever. Maybe if you live with a stick up your....yeah. Whatever the outcome, revel in the fact that this is your life, and you are living it. Stick-free.

Hugs, though, because the waiting and the kicking yourself part sucks for a while. Best of luck with him.

Whatever happens, I admire your guts. It's a crap shot anyway. I've known couples to date for 15 year only to marry and divorce horribly in 3 months. On the other hand my brother in law's sister married a guy she had known less than a month ( I think it was actually 2 weeks) and they have grandchildren now.

I was trying like crazy to phrase things so that we'd at least be friends. I think he is the coolest person I've known in ages. But, it is over and done with and I am anxious.

I'd like to second the admiring of your guts. I've never had the balls to do something like that; in fact, I've been married and divorced and had multiple other girlfriends and I'm still terrified of revealing my feelings to a woman.
It probably doesn't help that I know basically nobody outside of work and I'm wary of so much as looking at a co-worker the wrong way, for fear of the ol' sexual harassment instant-termination.

First, people tell us that we need to let others know how we feel about them. Then, they tell us we've done it all wrong. sigh. It's frustrating. Feel better, though. I never have the courage to tell anyone how I feel when I'm attracted to them in one way or another.

Ditto.

Once I tried to tell someone how I felt. Before I even said anything he saw the expression on my face and said "What's wrong?"

Well thanks, everybody. I'm still freaking out and obsessing over it. I imagine we'll have to work it out, since we are in the same social circle and all of that. I just wish he'd email me back and at least reassure me that we're still friends after what I told him. It's making me CRAZY!

If he's an Aspie too, maybe he'll react like a sixteen-year old boy, who would likely be thrilled at any female attention.

What might seem inappropriate to the NT mind, might be perfectly appropriate between two people with AS. I don't want to build hope on no foundation, but surely at the very least he will be flattered that you think so much of him. Don't beat yourself up. You did a precious thing that says wonders about the sincerity of your feeling and your openness as a person. I'm proud of you, whatever happens.

Good luck!

Wow, thank you Willard. I should read your post over and over to re-build my self-esteem. You see, this aspie, he is extremely cool. He shares most of my interests: star trek, D&D, RPG games, karaoke, jazz.. and he is awesomely cute too. I bet he has girls swarming around him, even though he comes to our social skills class and has AS.

I'll try to give myself some credit and stop beating myself up.