A desperate need to be loved

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Suddenly feeling really depressed again, which is a shame as I had been feeling good for a while now. Even motivated enough to look for a new job yesterday, (I sent covering letters + cvs to 5 different schools.)
However today I feel like bursting into tears because I can’t handle being in a relationship- or at least the one I am in.
Firstly, I really like my boyfriend sometimes, he makes me laugh a lot and sometimes I feel like I love him. Personally I really want to marry one day and have children. I am sure this will not happen with my current boyfriend. In fact I am sure nobody will ever want to marry me.

I need people to care about me, to love me, and to say so. Last night my boyfriend hardly spoke- so I assume I did something wrong. Then in the night he moved to a different room to sleep in. I went to his room and asked why he did not want to sleep in the room with me, and he said he couldn’t get to sleep in my bed. I felt sad and went back to my room, then a few mins later he got back into my bed saying he couldn’t sleep in his bed. I am feeling depressed today because I have realised he is never going to verbalise his thoughts much and will probably never like me that much.
I can’t really deal with people being grumpy because I get depressed thinking it is my fault, which then annoys the grumpy person more, causing it to actually be my fault anyway.

I have thought my choice of partners is bad, as I tend to date people who need ‘mothering’, the majority of by past partners have actually had a parent die whilst they were young, and as a result have displayed mental health problems.
I am 21 this summer, and desperate to have a long term relationship, desperate to have someone say they love me. Does anyone else her feel such a need to be loved?

I do feel the need to be loved, but I don't consider myself desperate.

It doesn't sound like you're all that happy with your boyfriend, then. If his behavior is, on the whole, making you feel bad, why continue that?

As for finding love, I'm sure most people feel the same way - yearning, desire, doubt. Will I find someone? If I do, will I be unloveable? It's a cliche, but you really do have to love yourself, a priori. Loving someone else is a sort of projection of yourself. You love them because they embody aspects of you. You identify with their struggles and values and quirks, and you love them as you feel you should likewise be loved. If you don't feel worthy of love, you'll never attain it, as that's the crux of it all.

You're still quite young, with a long future ahead of you, and people change quite a bit through their 20s, so don't judge your future by your past, as it will be different.

Grim,

For a start, at 21 you still have a lot of time left to muck around before you need to worry about parenting.

It is very hard to sleep with someone else if you are used to sleeping by yourself. You might want to check whether that is your boyfriend's problem or whether there is another reason.

You should probably talk to your boyfriend about marriage. In particular, you should ask whether or not he intends to get married - my (now) wife kept reminding me that she did not want to go out with me for more than two years after turning 21 before getting engaged. That would be a good line to use as well.

You don't want to find yourself wasting time on a relationship that will not work but by the same token, you need to make sure that talk of marriage does not scare the "right" person off.

Good luck.

Yes, I feel that way.

I don't have a desperate need to be loved.

Just an ever increasingly urgent and depressing need.

I'm not very desperate for love, but I do want it. It's the only thing missing in my life now.

Do not despair Grim, you will find someone who will want to take your hand in marriage and treat you with the love you deserve.

I do feel the need to be loved and love somone in return,
but will never call myself desperate.

BTW Grim, you could propose today since it's Feb 29.

Iwpould call it a deaperate nedd for love ans much of an impending sense thtat time is passig me by and ineed ot catch up, that includs find someon to love and be loved by in return.

What's so wrong with a desperate need to be loved? Can anyone be content, in their own little world, with only their self to accompany them? Of course not, anyone who says otherwise is lying or living in their own dream world in which someone does accompany them.

I'm a selfish person, I guess I can admit. But it's only to those I don't care about...at the very core of my being, I want nothing else but to find someone to understand and love me, so that I can do everything I can for them.

It's my only goal in life, to be loved. I don't care about jobs, status, material possessions or whatnot...I just want someone to be by my side. I'm so tired of being alone, so awfully alone...it doesn't seem to matter who I talk to or what side of myself I seem to portray anymore. I can't stand it, and so I can't move on.

I'll continue hating myself for my faults, and others for shunning me for them. I need to forgive myself for my mistakes, but I don't feel I'm strong enough by myself. I don't want to be alone anymore.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2NrIALcNOw&feature=related[/youtube]

I hate youtube responses I'll never have the desire to check out

It's a music video. The Smiths - How Soon is Now

Sorry to hear you're going through that. I'm sure it isn't you personally. If it is than I think I'd set some boundaries with him or talk to him about it. If he doesn't respect your wishes, he probably doesn't respect you as a person. It may take a while but if he doesn't want to cooperate then I'd split with him. Easy said then dun though, if you stay you'll just be more miserable. If it isn't, and this is trouble I have, you might be projecting your feelings onto him. Luv isn't always about someone who's there for you physically. It's about respect, connection, honesty, and etc. whether it's platonic or not. Other than that, don't be too hard on yourself. You sound like someone who's trying to make it work. Remember, he's not a mind reader. I hope this helped just a little.

OMFG!! I love that song, well not love it for it displays who I am and who I hate. But I'd never expected someone to relate to the words

You have my greatest respect, I have always wanted to be understood by someone else, and though it seems so simple, I can't begin to express my thanks to your action.

"I am human, and I need to be loved...just like anybody else does."

Edit: Also, it's originally by Love Spit Love

Further edit: The cover just doesn't sound as good as the original :/ I suggest you check it out.