i am 26 and never had a date.

Post Reply New Topic

i feel like a total loser. I am 26 and never had the courage or skill to ask a girl out.

Can't fully sympathise as I've had a fair few but I was a late developer with women so sort of know where you're coming from. Some of the guides on this forum are a good place to start if you want to change that, and there's other more hardcore pickup stuff online if thats your thing. If its fear of approaching, just ask yourself how your life will be different tomorrow if a girl rejects you today. Will you have lost your job, be homeless or anything really bad? No, so don't worry too much about it and don't beat yourself up about this kind of thing.

Just make your move. Rejection isn't as big a deal as it seems and you're just back where you started. Nothing less.

Ask 10 girls out within the next week, post back here & tell us how it went. No matter what happens, you'll be better off than if you did nothing.

Dating is a process and not an event. You have to start somewhere. May I suggest this fine book on the topic:
http://www.hotlinkfiles.com/files/10669 ... hGirls.pdf

Hmm, well, makes me feel a lot better being 21 and having never asked a girl out.

This couldn't be truer. Asking girls out is the easy bit. Honestly, there's nothing difficult about it at all, as long as you get over your fear of rejection. It's sustaining a relationship that's the damn hard bit.

I am 27 and have only been on one date. She asked me out though. I have plenty of other things to make me a loser to be worried about this one thing though.

I've never been on a date, either. Guys would rather date damsels, than rebellious punks, anyways, and I see that, as a good thing.

I'm 20 and have never dated, although I asked one girl out twice... was rejected both times... well at least I didn't date her, it was somewhere between a rejection and a cold shoulder...

I have a kid with a guy I lived with for several years and am now in a great relationship and I never been on a date.

I think that the whole concept of dating is completely ridiculous. It's basically two strangers being completely fake and trying to impress the other while deciding whether they should be a couple. I don't know about you, but I already have a hard time figuring out social rules so I'm not going to willingly put myself in a situation that even NTs need to write books and dedicate entire websites on understanding how to behave.

In order to meet someone you might want to be with, I would suggest to try and get introduced to as many people as possible in situation where you otherwise might have a reason to talk to them and eventually you will meet someone that you don't have to ask out, someone who is just going to be willing to hang out with you because they like you back, someone who is not going to spend hours preparing and fake-ning themselves to make themselves attractive. I met my man because my friend knew a guy who needed a computer geek to make his website and she had him call me up. We never asked each other out or anything like that, we just started spending time together until we were completely in love and couldn't help it. If I had been forced to make up my mind about him after a few dates, I probably would have not liked him like that.

I really don't see how a date can ever be a good foundation for a relationship. I also believe it is much better to end up having only one awesome relationship that will last forever than have a bunch of empty dates. Dating might make you a little less lonely for a minute, but in the long run it's all quite pathetic.

Dont feel to bad i'm all most in the same boat i'm 22, but have veen "shot down" manny times but I really dont care any more.

I'm in kind of a similar situation so I suppose my advice isn't all that helpful. Still I'd say there's a lot of good advice in here and particularly in Complex's book. I'd say the trick is about not giving girls a reason to say "no" that would damage your self esteem. At the moment if a girl rejects me for being too short then that is not really anything I can control, by now I really should be used to the idea. If she rejects me for not being career minded enough then, well that's going to happen a lot but it's too essential to me to change, I'd only ever be unhappy with someone like that. If she rejects me because I'm out of shape then that will feel bad because I know it's true, it's something I can change and I don't fundamentally want to be out of shape. If she complains that I'm boring then it's going to hurt because I know I don't have a lot of interests or activities I can discuss with many people. I'm not going to drop all the ones I have since that wouldn't make me happy but I'm taking sone time away to do some more exciting things.

So if I can change those things I should be okay, or at least ready to enter the minefield. But then I've already done the most important step. Something outrageous enough to accept that I've changed. Even so I have to be realistic. I'm older than you are and it's hard for people my age to meet single girls no matter the circumstances. After that simply the fact that I've been single so long is going to be a huge issue. I'm hoping they'll understand and accept my excuses but this is ultimately going to topple a few potentially successful relationships, and I'd be lucky to get a few.

I'm younger (19, 20 in a couple of months) and i've been on a few "dates" but no girlfriends so far. i say "dates" because i've been on one date where i asked the girl out, and a few others where i think the girl viewed it as a date but i did not.

the one date i asked her out on didn't go well. i wasn't interested in her, i found her quite dull. i tried to make interesting conversation but she had nothing to say that interested me.

the other time it was with a girl i was really good friends with (still am) and i had a crush on her, she was also pretty interested in me. this was when i had really low self esteem. we hung out and looking back i can see that she was interested in me but i couldn't see it at the time so i think i ruined my opportunity before i knew i had one.

anyways, my problem isn't so much that i don't have the confidence to ask them out, i'm just not interested in enough girls to ask them out.

i have a question for you. do you go anywhere where you could meet girls (school, bars, stores, anything)? if not, that's your first problem. start spending some time at places where you can actually meet people and talk to them. if you are going to those places, then just start taking small steps to build up your confidence. first just start talking to people, don't worry about dates or anything, just try to start a conversation and try to keep a conversation going. this will get easier and easier with practice. once you're comfortable starting a conversation, after a good conversation, ask the girl for her number. some girls won't give it to you, that's fine, most people get more rejections than numbers. if you get the number, then you know she's at least a bit interested in you so you can ask her out on a date sometime.

when you start talking to people, don't worry about getting something out of it, just try to learn how to talk to people. see what works and what doesn't, remember that and apply it to the next conversations. eventually it'll start to become more natural and you'll be able to hold a conversation without even thinking about it (that's what i'm hoping for anyways). I can usually make ok small talk, and i can usually make some sort of small conversation with someone depending on the situation. you might never become the king of the party but you'll probably at least be able to fake interest in someone enough to socialize normally.

Definitely get it out of your head that you're a loser. There's the self-fulfilling prophecy that you'll tend to act like what you think you are, a pick-up guide I read said not to do it, and according to studies it'll make you a happier person generally. I have plenty of reason to think I'm one, so I at least have an idea where you're coming from.

I'm 25 will be 26 in may, I am pretty much in the same boat. Not given up yet.

im regressing....

haven't wanted to date (nor have i, really) in 2 yrs...........

im ok at times and sad at times... but i think what makes me sad is that i feel old... in the sense that i haven't really felt moved in a long time.