I don't know what to do about ASAP husband's behaviour

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My ASH daughter from a previous marriage pinched and bruised our 7 year old. My ASH told our 7 yr she deserves it and is supporting his 20 yr old in this. I don't agree. It has happened before and it nearly ended our marriage. He said he didn't care. He has left as he is a FIFO worker but texted that he loves me. I have not responded as I am appalled by his behaviour and because this doesn't make sense to me. What do you think? It's been nearly 3 weeks since I heard from him.

No one deserves physical abuse, all forms of violence are unacceptable. Ask him if this is the way he wants to teach kids to solve problems. Make it clear this is a red line you can't cross or there will be consequences.

Please define "ASAP" and "ASH" within the context of your post.

Cut him and his son out of your life, I'd say. Apparently your husband and his son think that physical abuse is ok which it is not under any circumstance so best thing to do is separate yourself from them. If it's even happened before it will be sure to happen again.

I'd also report the 20 year old son to the police, if she has marks from pinching and bruising still that would be evidence...20 years old is plenty old enough to know you don't hurt little kids like that.

Weird gender reversal, there.

The 20 year old is his daughter. Her (Their?) son is the 7 year old.

Why does he think it was appropriate?

There is some huge gulf of misunderstanding here.

What do ASAP and ASH mean?

The 20 yr old does this without reason? Or is it in response to something the 7 yr old does?

ASH asperger husband the 20 year old is his daughter from a previous marriage.
The 7 year old is our daughter.
Sorry ASAP was a spelling mistake. Should just be AS.
7 year old was playing with her father and she pulled 20 year old's hat off and did it again after 20 year old warned her she would pinch her. 7 year old thought it was a game.
I have still not heard from my husband and every day he doesn't contact me, I feel myself closing off from him more and more. Tired.

Pinch the f**k out of that b***h. And then find someone who gives you joy.

If the 20 yr old has done it only in response to annoying behavior by the 7 yr old ( and with warnings) then I would have to say it looks like simple natural consequences and not abuse. The boy will think twice before knocking her hat off again. So it would seem the 20 yr old and fathers opinion is not really automatically out of line. It depends on the parents views of course in terms of child discipline and punishment. That is something to be worked out with the father and a joint policy carried out. If it is decided physical punishment is never to be used then the adults have to use another methodology to change the undesireable behavior. For example sending the boy into timeout after knocking his sister's hat off. The boy has to learn he does not control other people, and he has to learn that early. If an adult does not wish to 'play' he must be able to respect that.

The pinch left bruises on her arm. Is that OK? I just can't get around this. My Aspie husband won't talk to me in that he works away and hasn't been in contact. It's like he doesn't care about our marriage or our daughter.

Kids is one thing, and marriage another. I suggest you look into marriage counseling for that issue.

No, it's not ok that a little girl was left with bruises on her arm. Yes, she was being annoying, and she continued to be annoying even after being told to stop, but the 20 year old is the adult here, and she should not have injured the little girl. There are other ways of dealing with annoying children. I think that you are right to be concerned and you are right that this is not appropriate. If another little girl had pinched and bruised your daughter, at school say, then she would surely be reprimanded by teachers and told that she should not hurt other children. For an adult to hurt a child is even worse.

Your relationship with your husband doesn't sound good, as he is failing to take your concerns seriously and is failing to communicate with you. I don't know how you can deal with that, and whether it it part of a larger pattern of behaviour. Maybe marriage guidance or some kind of counselling would be appropriate?

Thank you all for your help and taking the time to answer my question. Thanks xx