Intensity

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What kind of woman(personalitywise) would not feel uncomfortable/intimidated/scared of
a man with a naturally intense personality and who's very assertive and aggressive(but NOT violent or cruel!)?
Im very intense as you saw from the pictures but Im constantly told by women that Im "aggressive"(LOOK it up if you dont know what that means as a personality trait-tired of explaining)and that my intensity pushed them away . This happened because someone I met and befriended online has been very flakey with me and was acting distant and stand-offish without explaining to me that she was busy/in a bad mood. It really irritates the f**k out of me that so many women EXPECT men to be able to read them even when I explain aspergers to them. Why the f**k should I have to change MY personality or even my behaviours to suit others and others Dont/shouldnt change their behaviour to suit me??? I DO know from experience that my intensity and even my assertiveness DOESNT put off everyone but WTF is wrong with being intense?

Just want to clarify something since there's somewhat of a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. This is coming from my dictionary BTW, and don't get mad. I'm not trying to attack you.

Aggressive- pushy or belligerent.

Assertive- bold or confident.

I don't know the answere to that. I don't think women are all the same. Some women like bad boys. I have to ask you though, do you like the same qualities in a woman that you find in yourself?

Sometimes ppl don't like what they see in themselves. I've heard this many times esp with ppl who struggle with control issues. Again, I'm not saying this is you, but I think it's something to think about. I'm guilty of it myself.

BTW, like your pic. It really does look intense.

To some extent I CAN be very demanding and insistant and perhaps that comes across as aggressive. I am exceptionally
impatient and often get frustrated with people when they behave towards me in a way that I dont understand OR unexpectedly change their behaviour towards me without explanation. I was chatting online with someone and she was being unfriendly towards me and told me something that I found insulting, I expressed my displeasure and insisted on knowing why she was acting this way and she said "Anton you're so intense, its pushing me away" . If theres one trait in women that I try in vain to select against its unpredictability(including fickleness and spontaneous mood swings). In general I find change to be Stressful because I am not an adaptable person. Another trait I seek to avoid is people who are passive-aggressive and/or provocative: the type of person who gets pleasure out of pushing peoples buttons. My ideal woman is one who is confident,Secure, easy-going, and is NOT easily frightened or intimidated by intensity and who can deal with someone being angry with her on occasion as long as they are not violent. And most of all, I want someone who will NOT try to manipulate or control me !Im SO sick of being involved with people like that and having endless power struggles.

I'm intense too, and known as aggressive and/or assertive. A lot of people don't like it. But a lot of people DO like it, and even see it as a good quality in me.

I know what you mean.

I have tried to accept my intensity, but I still get down on myself about it sometimes.... but I really think it's the way God made me.

I believe intensity is a good thing, but not when human relationships are concerned.

Sometimes I think I'm addicted to intensity. Like if something isn't intense enough, I add it. I stim to get it going. Most times, with me, I would much rather use the word passionate in place of it and I do think it fits. Not always, but from my perspective it often does.

D1nk0, I can at least understand where this comes from as I've had my own experiences. I used to hear that I was too intense quite often myself. I think that came from having this urge to modify my here and now, take charge, master my environment. To a point, when a person seems too alert or wanting to grab at the now too much - it does look desperate and it scares them off.

As far as general intensity and seeing it from their persoective, I've met some VERY beautiful women at various points in my life where I knew they had a lot in terms of being very unique (probably perfect for an aspie), they saw something in me, but the fact that they were quiet, intense, seemed emotionally brittle about people - it seemed like that destroyed the path of communication and to me that sense of brittleness made them unapproachable (and it made things not work smoothly when they made their own awkward attempts to approach me). Its part of why I realized it wasn't anyone's fault when I looked or came off as intense that it scared women off. Really, I think in most cases its outwardly fueled by social anxiety and seeing someone in that flight-or-fight puts you in a place where your ill at ease.

I think the only thing you can really do at this point is not worry about women right this second but really focus on just getting yourself acclimated to life.

I've been told that I am too intense, by lots of people. I say, "If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen." After all, intense can lead to passionate interest, which can lead to...who knows?

It can be hot if you have the social graces to keep the door open and keep yourself approachable; that takes a nonchalant attitude with people and usually enough confidence for people to see that you could take or leave em. Outgoing helps too - met plenty of people who've been intense but at the same time either extroverted, introverted but outgoing, either way put off enough positive energy and interacted well enough to where once you knew that you could laugh with em, at em, vice a versa, you like em a lot.

When I was 12 and learning about boys for the first time, one of my contemporaries said that the best way to act around a guy you like is to "Just be really nice and be yourself." I have found that to be excellent advice for interacting with the opposite sex, and it's funny that I heard it from a 12-year-old when I was in 6th grade.

You know, be yourself but be on your best behavior - whatever that means to you. Sure, there are lots of ways in which people tweak their personalities in order to impress the opposite sex, but I think this is a waste of time if you're looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend. Limiting your options to those who like you for who you really are is the most efficient way to date. Being as nice as possible or "on your best behavior" increases your chances of success.

If you really are an intense, assertive person, I say stay that way and eventually, you'll meet a girl who finds that attractive. If you're prone to a kind of aggression that people find hurtful or extremely unpleasant to be around, that might be something to work on; even if you met a girl who found it attractive, you'd still have to tone it down to get along with her friends and family.

I personally shy away immediately from anything "intense," especially when I am at the beginning of something new. I don't think there are women out there who would appreciate aggression. You know yourself, but it takes TIME for another person to get to know you and to trust you. Aggression is not a way to gain trust.

I think part of a rel is leaving the other to want more...if you push and are aggressive, what's the other person supposed to dream about? Then a rel is about TWO people..not just one trying to satisfy his/her needs. If a girl signals you she's uncomfortable or feels pushed, the sensible, caring thing is to listen to this need. And take it into consideration clealry, in a way that she will notice. Let her know you are willing to compromize and give her what she needs, too.

It makes sense that aggression is a bad thing but what I want to know is HOW(if possible) I can tone it down and control it
as to not scare the other person off. The thing is, I often dont actively try to be aggressive. I will say that certain behaviours really try my patience and leave me feeling quite frustrated. I dislike people who are skiddish, hypersensitive, and emotionally unstable. I strongly prefer someone who is confident and KNOWS what she wants.

I think you both are right. Maybe there IS something I can do to change my behaviour and not seem as aggressive.
The first gf I had was pretty much emotionless and quite frankly, I find that temperment to be very compatible with mine.
What kind of woman would not be threatened by someone who's intense? Ive read excerpts from women who say they actually want a dominant man to put them in their place from time to time .

I can be so intense it's scary.

I know!

Uh, Ok..... Do you have nothing more to say about this subject?