Coping with humans (NT's)

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How do you people cope with this issue? You have a friend that you like and then something you said makes that person become totally hostile towards you. And, when you ask this friend what you've done, you never get a reply because this person doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore. Or perhaps, you get a reply, but this is just a hit in your face, when your intentions were otherwise.

I don't like to call NT's anything bad, but, it seems like i don't understand what they are like. I say what i say to my friends, and when they aren't saying anything back and doesn't explain, i get lots of question marks in my head.

For an example that may show my issue. I got jealous of my ex because she had a male friend that she prefered to be with instead of me, so, I wrote a long mail to her explaining the process of my jealousy. How my mind worked, in detail. After that I suddenly was the pure evil man. I just described what happened inside me, how did that make me evil? I don't understand such thing. And maybe you have any similar experiences that you can share, or, not only share, maybe even how you managed to cope with it all? (Because it's all headache work for me)

Don't know if this is the right group to post this thing, but my deduction over all groups made this the one that's close to the group that I would post this in.

I had this negative reaction a few times. I tried to explain my feelings and reasons for certain behaviour. After explaining it was a negative and strange person. It probably is not acceptable for normal people that I am able to have non-mixed feelings about certain issues.

The way of feeling is probably strange for people and not believable?

I've had this happen so many times. One thing - how do you know for a fact the person you're dealing with is NT? Sometimes people have issues even they don't know about. Just saying.

Or they could be NT, but also have psychological issues.

Or they don't want to talk about the issue because they feel guilty or uncomfortable or scared or something.

All I do know for sure with people in general is, you can never tell for sure about ANYBODY.

Often people are too enthousiastic about me when they just know me, and their enthousiasm takes me along, I should perhaps learn that only slower, careful friendships last. But sometimes I'm like a cat with a moving string, it hypnotises me. If it is over, probably cause the person gets to know me better, than I have no clue of what happened.
I think I have been something for that person that I never actually was?



it's a very unpleasant feeling to be without explanations, I have it hard to cope with it too.




I have noticed that if you give someone a description with some negative elements in it, that you can be sure to have it back as a boomerang, suddenly they also come up with a lot of things they have noticed lately, even if that person has not said anything about that in previous conversations. If you reply on such an answer it suddenly changes in a 'i am right and you are wrong' discussion.
So what I do is try to avoid any of these remarks except when it is really over my limits, and if that is, I prepare myself already to loose that person as a friend.



what about 'Social Skills and Making Friends' ?

I don't know if this will help but here goes:
I have found that in the NT world, people tend to keep parts of themselves hidden and private and society expects this. Excessive candor and honesty about ones' feelings, thought processes, especially when it comes to personal matters is often found to be "too honest" for most NTs to handle. In the NT world, discretion is highly valued and a perceived lack of it is considered unattractive and even reckless.
Doesn't make a lot of sense to us, but it is often the way of the NT world.
I think that the NT philosophy in terms of one's inner life tends to be along the lines of "sausage tastes good, but you don't want to see how it's made."

So how, exactly, is being deceitful attractive?

By hiding your negative aspects people only see the positive aspects. It's not a good thing but since you can't really tell someone is hiding something you basically take their word.

And what happens if you start a relationship with someone who is hiding some personality aspect that would make you change your mind once that aspect is revealed? I would have wanted to know right away so I knew if the relationship was worth it before I started, rather than getting into it and having to break up...

The basic idea is that you start a relationship and you become attached to somebody before you learn their negative aspects. Once you learn the dark and dirties, it's too late, you're hooked! This is how th NT world operates. I'm not saying I agree with it, but that's the way it is.