Date (kinda) Cancelled Just Before We Were Going to Meet

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Apparently she had a boyfriend, and he wasn't very excited about the idea of her going for dinner with a guy. She mentioned the word boyfriend very casually before—in the same paragraph that she asked if I wanted to get dinner with her. Still it was none too pleasant. I'm one of the aspies here who's put in some actual active effort into meeting women, and it seems to me that I've had much worse luck than what chance would predict; in fact, I've still never been on a date, kissed a girl, etc.

Try again

That sucks, I hope you do better with a decent woman next time. You can't always tell ahead of time.All women can be aggravating at one point or another but most of them don't pull that stuff.

My 3 1/4 cents on this is that a girl I know now and talk to that I like started talking to me about her boyfriend as in to say she has one don't ask me out but now she doesn't mention him at all I'm pretty sure they broke up have'nt asked anyway I didn't show any interest in her b/4 she told me about her boyfriend it was her saying she liked me but had one and she mentioned it like 10 times in our first converstion at least twice in one sentence I'm sure.
End of it is he's jealous, she may like you, and you make be the next guy so be nice and friendly but I don't recommend flirting just be there and be friendly.

Perhaps you're still putting in a little too much effort. I've always found that when I've taken time off from girl "effort" and concentrated on shoring-up my flaws, I ultimately come out ahead. However, I think that you're on the right track

Dan

I realize you have the best of intentions, but it really is hard to take the advice of someone whose avatar is a fuzzy photograph of a man wearing a Twinkie Man t-shirt and sunglasses inside seriously (mainly because it looks so overwhelmingly idiotic, frankly).

Hey now, I've read some of Complex's thoughts in other threads (see "Men and Confidence") and he's got a lot of informed things to say in regards to projecting oneself in a way that is attractive to the other sex. And I think he's on the money on this one too. I'd listen to him too.

In the past I've "tried too hard" myself. It's definitely a very frustrating realization to have when you're stuck in the middle of that rut (was for me), but understanding that and internalizing it will be very helpful. A guy is gonna be more successful if he tries to find himself for his own sake rather than to find ways simply to please women.

Hang in there NeantHumain!

I have been putting in a lot of effort in the sense that I've spent years trying to get romance and sex. My strategy is not simply trying to please a woman (although that may be one strategy I employ when I believe it may be effective). I can now (at least I think) come across as self-confident, jocular, and at ease (in fact, that's the default demeanor I try to employ when meeting women) since that's apparently what's supposed to attract women. You must understand that for me romance and sex is a basic biological urge (I'd even say compulsion) rather than a way of "finding myself" (one of those phrases that doesn't make any sense to me).

I've got to agree with the above posters - a lot of people I've spoken to say they've met someone when they've not been looking. I recently met someone who, if circumstances were different I may have been dating but only after I'd pretty much given up looking.
It is hard to stop looking though, particularly when you want it so much!

This doesn't work for everyone, at the other extreme, if you don't intitiate things, they won't happen. Yes, there's sucha thing as trying too hard, but there's also sucha thing as initiating too little.