Should I ask if he's an aspie?

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I'm a NT female. I think a friend of mine is an aspie. I feel he knows he is but I know feel he wants me to know.

Should I ask him? If yes, how do I ask him without upsetting him?

I wouldn't mind being asked, heck I'd love being asked. Then again, we are all different.

I second this a 100%, I would probably start a speech about my AS and how I was diagnosed

im a proud aspie and would love to be asked, but then i would probably start talking about it and not shut up go for it

I would love it if someone found me fasinating and started asking me questions and they'd ask if I was an aspie and then I'd tell them about it and how I view the world as an aspie. It'd be so cool. I plan to talk about Autism and Asperger's Syndrome tomorrow since it's World Autism Awareness Day and I'm going to wear a t shirt broadcasting it. Anyway, chances are good that he'd like it if you asked so I say go for it! Good Luck! -Power Girl

Well, this is a difficult question, it all depends on your friend. Everyone is different, and if he isn't broadcasting it then maybe he wants it quiet. If people are noticing it means that he isn't doing as good a job fitting in as he hopes.

If he doesn't know he is then it's a whole other ball of wax.

Best bet, print something up about it (medical wise, with characteristics) and say "hey, I came across this and man, some of this stuff reminds me of you. Check this out." (make sure you are alone, and slip him the papers, or if completely alone point things out.)

It all also depends on how close of friends you are. Has he ever confided anything in you? If not, he may not wish to confide this in you either.

[edit]Goodness, sorry, I didn't notice your age there! I thought I was replying to an early teen. Haha, sorry. You probably realize most of it, I'll just stick to best bet, print out a list of characteristics to show him.[/edit]

A few years ago, my wife forwarded to me a weblink to an article on Asperger, with the header "this sounds like you"...I was stunned at how perfectly the symptom list fit, but most of all moved, delighted, vindicated to realize that the things I'd been berated and verbally and psychologically abused for all my life were not in fact due to me being stubborn, obstinate, uncooperative, weak, emotionally ret*d, or an all around loser (just to name a few of the terms I've endured) - but because my brain is simply wired a little differently than the NT...I can't imagine why anyone who has reached adulthood living with undiagnosed AS would be anything less than happy to know the truth...you say you think he knows already - I knew I was different for many years before I knew it had a name...but it's wonderful to know I'm not the only one living through the experience of having been born onto the wrong planet...

All the responses so far have taken the side of "If he is, he'll be delighted." However, let's examine the side of "If he isn't."

Assuming he is not an aspie, he might be a bit put off by your assuming he is. He might be hostile that you think him "one of those." (Sorry, but that is how the media trains us to consider ANYBODY who is the slightest bit different from him.)

With these possible reactions in mind, you might approach him with a print out of an article describing AS in proper terms and ask his opinion. This should tell him you value his opinion and judgement. This is an approach much less strewn with mines, in my opinion. It is just that NTs are so much more easily bruised than we. They haven't had the toughening up that we have had to endure for most of our lives.

Pops

Last edited by rifler39 on 02 Apr 2008, 5:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think it's sensitive b/c for me if someone I didn't know well or was just getting to know asked me I would be really embarrassed but if I've known them a while I would be kinda happy assuming they don't treat me badly afterwards.

when i have been asked it, i usually reply with a laughter filled head-nod, and they laugh with me! it is a light subject for me, because it is part of me that stays with me always. you see though, i try not to take life too seriously and try to avoid drama.

but thats just me. like others have said 'we may all respond differently to THEE question'!

If you have known him for a while, I would say bring up your thoughts tactfully.

Apologies for commenting on your language, but I would like to know if I am reading this right:

You think that your friend knows that he is an aspie, but you think that he doesn't want you to know?

If I am reading it right, then why don't you think he wants you to know? Is he maybe afraide of what you might think of him?

I would ask if I suspected, and I would want to be asked.

I know many Aspies who either don't want people to know they are Aspies, or are convinced they are not an Aspie. Open the subject on how Aspies are cool and wonder if a lot of them are Savants. Focus on the positive side of being an Aspie. Talk about Bill Gates, Marie Curie, Einstein and other likely Aspies who are or where successful. Focus on the positive stuff. If he thinks he is a Aspie he will open up. Possibly even to himself and then you.

Just a warning though. Aspies who can live in society are often very successful. I for example own a software company with my wife and we do well. If you want to date/marry this guy: Aspies spend years trying to understand how NTs work and are somewhat successful at understanding/emulating it. You will have a lot trouble understanding how an Aspie works. You will not have been doing it for years. It can be done and Aspies are great people but don't try to predict his thoughts. You can likely predict his actions in time but likely never his thoughts. I have been married to a NT for 15 years (and intend many more) so I have some experience in this area. As a side note an NT and an Aspie can achieve great things together. We have.

Personally, I've been wanting this to happen to me for a long time.

It would make me feel great, so go for it in my opinion.

Not all Aspies are going to get angry when you mention this, and you said he's your friend, right??
so it should be fine.

Good luck

I think your best bet is to bring it up in conversation. Say you saw a doco about it and how the people featured on it made you think of him (I think one's doing the rounds on Discovery Channel here in Australia, it might be on US televisions too). It would open him up to mention it, I'm sure.

What you do is up to you, this is one of many ways to handle the situation.

if you do this, first find the documentary, then when the suspected aspergian goes oh? what was the name? so i can look it up. you have something handy to tell him. (and you aren't lying outright)