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dsfargeg
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01 Apr 2008, 2:34 pm

Yo guys, I'm 20 years old, college student in the networks and telecommunications major here in Guadalajara, Mexico. I was diagnosed with AS back in elementary school, and after 6 years of neurological and psychological treatment, I pretty much learned every social skill I need in this world; I have my circle of friends from college and high school, have a night out at least twice a month, and overall, I have a normal social life.

However, there's one thing that I don't like: I'm way too sensitive to rejection. Whenever someone rejects me, I suddenly feel like I'm a bad person and I feel like I did an absolutely wrong thing, even though it was completely the other person's fault, regardless if it was a small rejection. As a result, I'm terribly scared of rejection. So far I've never made a single move with a girl in the entire semester at college, and the one and only girl who I feel comfortable hanging out with for something other than friendship, is one of those girls who never reject a single man in order to have sex with hundreds of guys.

Just to give you an example: one Friday, I once asked a girl out on a date on Saturday in the most innocent, casual, and straightforward way imaginable. She said no, I don't like going out; I kinda know her from before (a friend's birthday) and I do believe she really doesn't likes that. The first thing I did on Saturday night was going to a party, drinking 75% of a bottle of scotch, and getting tanked until passing out just to forget what she said.

Any ideas on how to handle it?



Last edited by dsfargeg on 01 Apr 2008, 3:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

0_equals_true
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01 Apr 2008, 2:50 pm

I am too but I realized that short term or immediate rejection, which is what you are talking about, isn't all that bad in the grand scheme of things. Try not to take it personally. Basically everyone is extremely picky including you. It has absolutely nothing to do with you being a bad person or person's fault (usually :wink: ) and everything to do with human nature. They are doing you a favor by saving you time. Of course it is easy to get attached to someone, but if will be harder to get over it if things get more serious or you have been perusing them for a while, but that is not the end of the world either.



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01 Apr 2008, 5:02 pm

I tend to take rejection pretty hard, also. I recently tried to make an overture of friendliness towards someone, by dropping them a brief e-mail. When they didn't respond for a week, I was disgusted at how discouraged I felt. When they did respond, finally, I had gotten so emotional over their perceived rejection, that I was numb! Now, I'll probably get my hopes up all over again. :?


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Kalister1
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01 Apr 2008, 5:03 pm

I recommend drinking.



Lordnarfington
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01 Apr 2008, 7:26 pm

Kalister1 wrote:
I recommend drinking.

I don't believe in turning to drink for all your problems. Its a slippery slope. Then again, I know sometimes simply talking about it isn't enough...


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Hector
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01 Apr 2008, 7:32 pm

The less you think about your past hopes with her the easier it will be. Spend the night doing something you like doing (maybe not drinking, though) and the next day come back looking for other girls, that works best for me.



aaronrey
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01 Apr 2008, 8:06 pm

video games work for me



jkrane
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01 Apr 2008, 11:21 pm

dsfargeg wrote:
Any ideas on how to handle it?


Just chalk it up to experience and learn from it. Not every girl is gonna like you. There will be many out there who will, and many out there who won't, and the rest just don't know what they want.

At least she rejected you up front and it ended right there. It sucks for a day or two, maybe a week, but it's better than being led through a string of uncertainty, doubt, anxiety, waiting by the phone for her to call, etc.

Upfront rejection is a lot better than round about rejection. Here's what I mean:

Boy: Would you like to go out with me sometime?

Girl (smiling): Sure, here's my phone number...222-4444. Call me!

***boy dials number***

Girl: uhh...sorry, I can't talk right now, I'll call you back in an hour.

**1 hr later**
**2 hrs later**
**2 days later**

no call back.

And that's not even the worst scenario of rejection!

I've had girls send me signals and cues, that would BLATANTLY signify attraction, and then string me along for weeks, messing with my head, only to drop my ass off gradually! Now if that's not a waste of time and energy, I don't know what is.

Up front rejection is the best kind of rejection ever! Get the pain over with now, so you don't have to deal with it later.

lol...and give your liver a rest. :)



ToadOfSteel
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01 Apr 2008, 11:31 pm

jkrane wrote:
I've had girls send me signals and cues, that would BLATANTLY signify attraction, and then string me along for weeks, messing with my head, only to drop my ass off gradually! Now if that's not a waste of time and energy, I don't know what is.

Up front rejection is the best kind of rejection ever! Get the pain over with now, so you don't have to deal with it later.

lol...and give your liver a rest. :)


stringing you along for weeks? Try six years...



jkrane
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02 Apr 2008, 12:02 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
jkrane wrote:
I've had girls send me signals and cues, that would BLATANTLY signify attraction, and then string me along for weeks, messing with my head, only to drop my ass off gradually! Now if that's not a waste of time and energy, I don't know what is.

Up front rejection is the best kind of rejection ever! Get the pain over with now, so you don't have to deal with it later.

lol...and give your liver a rest. :)


stringing you along for weeks? Try six years...


damn, man. That's harsh...

If you don't mind me asking, how the hell would a girl be so sadistic to mess with a man's emotions like that? For 6 years?! !! I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

I'm sorry to hear that, brother. May you find the strength to move on.



JakeWilson
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02 Apr 2008, 12:30 am

I don't think drinking is a good answer because alcohol can be quite addicting. But there was one time that a rejected me and to get my mind off of her I reopened an old obsession of mine - species of birds. I categorized all the winter, summer, migratory and year-round resident bird species in my area. For about a month or so it seemed like all I could think about was this , or birds. I am glad I am not there anymore but at the time I felt it really helped me cope. Just an idea. But that rejection really hurt my confidence in some ways and I haven't asked a out since.



ToadOfSteel
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02 Apr 2008, 7:19 am

jkrane wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
jkrane wrote:
I've had girls send me signals and cues, that would BLATANTLY signify attraction, and then string me along for weeks, messing with my head, only to drop my ass off gradually! Now if that's not a waste of time and energy, I don't know what is.

Up front rejection is the best kind of rejection ever! Get the pain over with now, so you don't have to deal with it later.

lol...and give your liver a rest. :)


stringing you along for weeks? Try six years...


damn, man. That's harsh...

If you don't mind me asking, how the hell would a girl be so sadistic to mess with a man's emotions like that? For 6 years?! !! I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

I'm sorry to hear that, brother. May you find the strength to move on.


I don't think she was trying to be sadistic, it was just that she had just enough attraction to me that she didn't want to turn me down outright, but was afraid to actually get into a relationship for whatever reason... afaik, she's never seriously had a boyfriend, although there was a couple of short-term non-serious connections... It's less of a factor of any intention to string along and more of a factor of 2 people being extremely shy about the other...



jkrane
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02 Apr 2008, 10:29 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I'm sorry to hear that, brother. May you find the strength to move on.


I don't think she was trying to be sadistic, it was just that she had just enough attraction to me that she didn't want to turn me down outright, but was afraid to actually get into a relationship for whatever reason... afaik, she's never seriously had a boyfriend, although there was a couple of short-term non-serious connections... It's less of a factor of any intention to string along and more of a factor of 2 people being extremely shy about the other...[/quote]

ahh, i see.



MagicMike
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04 Apr 2008, 1:01 am

The answer is so simple, that it's amazing that nobody has suggested it as of yet. Spread nasty rumors that she's a skank with every VD ever discovered by the entire field of epidemiology and that she was so loose (and not just in a moral sense) that one could cram a football in between her legs.

On a less sarcastic note, my only true advice would be to instantly look for another person. Really quickly. Make dating a thing you do with friendly acquaintences and not people you've known forever. It makes the scenario less awkward and less prone to instant rejection. "You seem like a cool person" is preferable to "but we're friends already" in any case.



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04 Apr 2008, 5:24 am

How I handle rejection depends on how well I thought I connected with someone.


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04 Apr 2008, 7:40 am

dsfargeg wrote:
Yo guys, I'm 20 years old, college student in the networks and telecommunications major here in Guadalajara, Mexico. I was diagnosed with AS back in elementary school, and after 6 years of neurological and psychological treatment, I pretty much learned every social skill I need in this world; I have my circle of friends from college and high school, have a night out at least twice a month, and overall, I have a normal social life.

However, there's one thing that I don't like: I'm way too sensitive to rejection. Whenever someone rejects me, I suddenly feel like I'm a bad person and I feel like I did an absolutely wrong thing, even though it was completely the other person's fault, regardless if it was a small rejection. As a result, I'm terribly scared of rejection. So far I've never made a single move with a girl in the entire semester at college, and the one and only girl who I feel comfortable hanging out with for something other than friendship, is one of those girls who never reject a single man in order to have sex with hundreds of guys.

Just to give you an example: one Friday, I once asked a girl out on a date on Saturday in the most innocent, casual, and straightforward way imaginable. She said no, I don't like going out; I kinda know her from before (a friend's birthday) and I do believe she really doesn't likes that. The first thing I did on Saturday night was going to a party, drinking 75% of a bottle of scotch, and getting tanked until passing out just to forget what she said.

Any ideas on how to handle it?


Booze-after-rejection is an extremely destructive pattern to get in. Friend, you do not want to abuse alcohol under any circumstances. I don't want to sound sanctimonious here, but what I'm telling you must be said. And don't think I haven't been there, 'cause I have. I know how bad it feels. It really sucks. :cry:

Get help before you develop a serious emotional dependency on alcohol. Call your parents and talk to them about. Talk to someone who cares about you, sister, brother, aunt or uncle, anyone. Rejection is not your fault and it does not make you a bad person.

Hang in there.