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Miyah
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20 Apr 2008, 5:04 pm

I recently have been having a falling out with a guy that I've known for two years. We had considered dating and I thought he would be "Mr Right."
Unfortunately, he's into somethings that I can't get into. For example, he is heavily intp D&D and when he plays that game, it's like he's a monster. He is also really superfical and controlling. Everything has to be his way or the highway. He's even hit me a few times.
(He elbowed me in a car for singing 'The Twilight Zone' In another friend's car on Easter Sunday. Online, he talked about imaginging to slap me around on with a stinky trout because I got after him for a few other things, and he flew off the handle at me because he was, "tired." What do I do?



Zara
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20 Apr 2008, 5:38 pm

Sounds like he has some anger issues.
You shouldn't be dating him if this is the way he treats you.
It is not okay for him to hit or lash out at you.

I don't know if you want to stay friends with him or not, but if so you have to make it clear that this won't be tolerated. Personally, I'd say just let him go.


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CockneyRebel
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20 Apr 2008, 5:53 pm

I think that you should just let him go. I've been friends with one of those types, before. I wasn't able to trust guys for a long time, after that.


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Tim_Tex
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20 Apr 2008, 5:55 pm

I agree with everybody else on here.


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MissConstrue
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20 Apr 2008, 8:17 pm

What you just posted are loud and colorful red flags. Any guy hitting a woman or the other way around is a warning of what kind of persons they're really like. I would tell him off hand but politely that you can't be around him anymore or something to break it off. I wouldn't bring up the hitting to him. I don't know if you're one of those women that accept apologies for something that would be as extreme as the hitting. I've been in a Women's shelter and would find women covered with bruises and injuries bruised and then find them leaving because their spouse said it would never happen again. I think it just turns into a pattern that's destructive and addictive.

If this guy won't respect your wishes, I would contact a hotline for domestic abuse even though you may not be married to this man and ask for more advice. Don't hesitate to look for resources available. Sometimes some of us women don't know how to break it off or handle it. The reason why I'm not giving you too much feedback is I don't know what's really going on and I wouldn't have all the answeres.

Like I said, if he tries to intimidate you, find helpful resources out there. If you can, call your local police department and ask what's available in terms of your current situation. They should know all about that stuff. I was proud of myself for doing it. Usually police scare me, but they were a big help.

Sorry to hear that. Take care.


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jkrane
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20 Apr 2008, 9:00 pm

He's angry at you for being nice?

This abusive f**k deserves to die! No joke! I have ZERO tolerance for people who physically, emotionally, and sexually abuse women.

Kick him in the balls, slap him in the face, take a baseball bat and beat the s**t out of him! Do whatever you have to do to protect yourself! This scumbag deserves pain, suffering and more!

Take his D&D board, trash it, beat him over the head with it! Smash his car windows, vandalize his house!

Unleash your fury! Fight back!



spudnik
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20 Apr 2008, 10:56 pm

Thats no friend, sounds like he's a petulant little boy and a complete loser D&D nerd, any guy thats hitting and abusive is dangerous, and should be avoided at all costs



EvilKimEvil
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20 Apr 2008, 10:59 pm

Wow, that sounds exactly like a guy "friend" who I had to deal with recently. He seemed really nice for a while, but when I wasn't as interested in him as he wanted me to be, he became really passive-aggressive and controlling. I had to stay with him for a week when I moved here. He would get angry at me for things like using the same sentence twice in the same day or asking a question while he was playing poker online. And if I took issue with anything he did, I was accused of being hyper-sensitive.

After I got my own place, I tried to remain cordial with him, but eventually, I decided it would be best to get him out of my life completely. So when I got a local phone number, I didn't give it to him. A week later, I got an angry email demanding that I hang out with him, but I didn't respond. I've been a lot happier since I stopped talking to him, even though I don't have any friends in this city.

I find that I'm happier alone than among people who don't even treat their friends like equals. You could try taking a break from him - just go a couple of weeks without contact - and see how it affects you.



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21 Apr 2008, 5:00 am

jkrane wrote:
He's angry at you for being nice?

This abusive f**k deserves to die! No joke! I have ZERO tolerance for people who physically, emotionally, and sexually abuse women.

Kick him in the balls, slap him in the face, take a baseball bat and beat the sh** out of him! Do whatever you have to do to protect yourself! This scumbag deserves pain, suffering and more!

Take his D&D board, trash it, beat him over the head with it! Smash his car windows, vandalize his house!

Unleash your fury! Fight back!


Echo that.


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21 Apr 2008, 11:30 am

What do you do?

Run.

If he's controlling and abusive now, just think what he could be like 10 years down the road from now.

It's not the flu, it doesn't get better unless they either wake up one day and realize what they are doing (don't hold your breath), or they get couseling.

Have you met his father? How does his father relate to his mother? Sometimes that can tell you alot, with some it's sadly a "learned" behaviour.


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JohnHopkins
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21 Apr 2008, 2:50 pm

Stay the hell away from him unless and until he gets that in check. No man should EVER hit a woman, EVER. Especially if he's being like that over such minor things, imagine what happens if you forget to do something for him in the future, don't get beer for him or buy his favourite food during the shopping.

Get out. Now. There is no excuse for abuse, and I'm not trying to make up some comic slogan there.



Miyah
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23 Apr 2008, 6:13 pm

No, he doesn't drink but he does have an attitude. And he's a very controlling person who loves to put down anyone sucessful. He also makes someone's conversations aren't going his way. And he's really at communicating. I have stayed away for a week and I even blocked him from contacting me.



jkrane
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23 Apr 2008, 10:27 pm

Miyah wrote:
He also makes someone's conversations aren't going his way. And he's really at communicating.


LOL! You missed a few words in your sentences. :P

Anyways, I'm glad you're staying away from him, but now here's how you get back at him!

Tell him that you love him, and that you want to cook him dinner at your place, and play a little D & D after. Ask him to bring his favourite D & D set over. As soon as he rings the doorbell, open the door, and just kick him in the balls! Make sure you're wearing boots too! Just kick him as hard as you can in the balls!

I'm not joking. I am totally serious. After he's on the ground crying, take all of his prized D & D stuff, and just smash it right in front of him! He'll be crushed!

That's how you deal with controlling and abusive people. It's all about getting the upper hand and showing them who's boss!

Then spit in his face, and tell him to f**k off!



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23 Apr 2008, 10:42 pm

jkrane wrote:
Miyah wrote:
He also makes someone's conversations aren't going his way. And he's really at communicating.


LOL! You missed a few words in your sentences. :P

Anyways, I'm glad you're staying away from him, but now here's how you get back at him!

Tell him that you love him, and that you want to cook him dinner at your place, and play a little D & D after. Ask him to bring his favourite D & D set over. As soon as he rings the doorbell, open the door, and just kick him in the balls! Make sure you're wearing boots too! Just kick him as hard as you can in the balls!

I'm not joking. I am totally serious. After he's on the ground crying, take all of his prized D & D stuff, and just smash it right in front of him! He'll be crushed!

That's how you deal with controlling and abusive people. It's all about getting the upper hand and showing them who's boss!

Then spit in his face, and tell him to f**k off!


Then quietly wait for the cops to show up.


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jkrane
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23 Apr 2008, 10:57 pm

KingofKaboom wrote:
Then quietly wait for the cops to show up.


yeah! that's a good idea! She can tell the cops that she was defending herself because he assaulted/threatened her! They always take the woman's word over the man's, but just to be on the safe side, she should make it look like there was a struggle.

Man! I can't wait to hear what kind of punishment this douchebag gets!

Miyah...DO NOT TOLERATE ABUSE! FIGHT BACK! IT'S THE ONLY WAY HE'LL LEARN!



Miyah
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24 Apr 2008, 9:01 pm

The next time we get together, I'll hide a can of pepper spray in my purse the next time he tries anything. Anyway, he's bad at communication and that's why he acts like that. He belongs in counsling. However, I don't think beating him up will make him cry. It will only get me in jail. See, he has the tendency to blame other people for things that he did to make others angey at him.