Interesting Technique I found to learn social skills (Tips)

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So lately I've been looking around for forums to meet girls my age in a casual way, so I found this site which is half forum/half social networking site. So anyway I joined the site to learn the social skills that I have such a hard time with in real life, to see if I could learn at least some of the tricks of the trade, of getting to know females. So anyway I join this site, and post my picture on it, as that's the big deal of the site. I get some harsh and some not so harsh rates, pretty bad to begin with. So I start posting, adding girls that I find cute on there and talking to them. Well some were receptive and some were not, but after some searching around and massive amounts of posting I found about 6 girls on there that like me as an online friend. So anyway on to my story, there was this one girl on there that I thought was cute and I added her to my friends list. Also I asked if she had AIM, which she did have and I talked some on it and she really didn't talk that much, so I keep posting on the forums and gradually she has opened up more to me, even though she knows I'm different even from an online sense. So basically what made her, and the other girls on there open up and bond with me was me and them ganging up on certain "idiots" on that forum and calling them names. Sounds immature, but that's the basis of the forum, and of highschool if you think of it. So anyway moral of the story was, a sense of humor, and an ass hole attitude got me far with this situation. Also I was super nice to the girl I liked in this sense online, as she is really cool and all. So yea, even though it's just the internet it can be applied to real life. Girls are not going to open up to you, just because you like them. What you have to do is basically.

1. Make a good first impression.

2. Listen to them, and ask them about themselves.

3. Show confidence outside of speaking with them, be a bit of a jerk, flirt around make her laugh.

4. Let the relationship build slowly.

Now, I really don't know HOW to do 3. in real life. I know it has to be done, but I just can't do it at this point and this is my main problem. Nice guys DO finish last.

I usually stick to the:

1) Have girl approach you
2) Have girl take advantage of everything you have to offer
3) Build relationship slowly
4) Have girl cheat on you, lie compulsively to you about an eating disorder, or blatently hate you for being who you are.

But now I've sworn off girls temporairly, until they get that cootie epidemic under control.

How about:
1/ meet girl
2/ slow progression of relationship
3/ propose to girl
4/ girl turns out to be guy
5/ marry guy
Happy ever after...

Hasn't anyone figured out "why" some women are attracted to "jerks"? It's because THEY are jerks too. So what do you expect to gain by attracting other jerks? It isn't worth it.

No. I think girls and boys grow up being told fairy-tales...prince charming, cinderella, this and that...but life teaches you it's not like that. That people are not perfect but REAL. I think you start out as naive and sweet (Bamby if you want)..and depending on the type of experiences you have growing up...you find yourself evolving into either a cynic...a dreamer..a realist..a materialist...a jerk..a superficial person..a caring person...a loving person etc. It all depends on experience. Some manage to remain like Bamby and think that's good...not sure that's very good in the sense that life is about growing and adapting.

Plus people are not black and white. They're shades of gray. You can't say "this person is a jerk" because you don't know WHY their behaviour is what it is. Some have been abused by family or by boyfriends/girlfriends. Some have been pressured to do things that maybe they didn't want to just to fit in. Some have had to endure cheating, verbal abuse, mistreatments..and now they think ALL the opposite sex is like that. And they start ACTING like that too, basically as a protective mechanism or in order to "get even" with the opposite sex or just in order to hide the insecurity and pain.

I can give you an example..a guy that was considered the biggest SOB, always bullying others, always mean and commenting on others, acting like Don Juan, careless, superficial, hitting on girls and then acting very nasty...he was actually VERY vulnerable and acting out like this b/c his gf (of 4 years) left him after college, for a guy who was a doctor. For some reason that made a huge impact on this guy and made him act like an SOB...doing to women what was done to him...He was actually one of the sweetest, best guys once you understood WHY he did what he did.

While some of what you say is true northern_light_girl, people are still responsible for their actions in response to their experiences. Part of growing up is learning how to react to bad experiences in a positive way, rather than remaining immature and taking it out on others. From what you've said, it sounds like your friend didn't mature, if he was willing to act that way around other people in general. His principles were already weak, and they didn't withstand his break-up. And it doesn't matter if he is "sweet" towards the ones he's closer to... most people, even evil ones, can do that anyway.

Yes, the girl I was speaking of is a jerk to a lot of people, online and off.

Pretty slick.

You know I'm actually working on developing this theory that girls talk about sex amongst themselves MUCH MUCH more than males do -- especially in a critical light (whereas guys might just say "Hey. I got some")

Then they turn the whole thing around by acting all pure and innocent and claiming that guys are sex maniacs.

:. women are insane?

I've pretty much given up on dating. This is my MO for now.

1. E-mail escort of my choice.
2. Wait for response. (usually 1 or 2 days)
3. Call to confirm.
4. Come to her location.
5. [Censored]
6. Walk out smiling.

I want a nice girl, therefore acting like a jerk and attracting others like that doesn't sound good. Plus, I just don't respect girls that knowingly go for jerks, and it just wouldn't be worth it with a girl I don't even respect.

I agree with Cyberman, you're still responsible for your own actions. Just because you've had bad experiences doesn't mean you have a right to take it out on others.

Guys, what about the following:

1. Meet girl that seems nice and friendly.
2. Get to know her, she has a boyfriend.
3. Ask her out anyway - it's been literally years since I met a girl I wanted to ask out that wasn't already taken.
4. Get rejected. Friendship ruined.

1. Become interested.

2. Try to not completely shut out contingent displays of interest from the other party.

3. Allow occurances to take the route of least resistance. (This means that it may all come to a halt. If so: It was too much trouble - tautologically.)

Modus Operandi Meo.

Seems to be the pattern that my life has followed for the past, I don't know, 13 years or so...

I'm certainly not a "chick magnet" or anything, but I have a good track record if I become interested in someone. (Though that part is rare, sadly.) It didn't always use to be that way. I used to be a nervous wreck about it. Here's what changed:

I realized that when going up to a girl and talking to her, I wasn't the only nervous one.

I was so wrapped up in my own panic, I didn't realize she was just as nervous. Heck, I had time to hem and haw over it before approaching her. Suddenly, here is this socially akward situation, dropped right in her lap, and now she was on the spot! Now we had something in common! So a lot of what I concentrate on when I approach someone is being sympathetic to HER nervousness:

I smile to let her know there's no need for any pressure, and I'm glad to be around them.
I speak calmly and with a cheerful tone of voice.
I try to make them laugh a bit, and ask questions I know she can answer confidently.
I keep the interaction short and sweet, so she doesn't feel trapped.
I act confident without being aggressive.

Honestly, focusing on putting HER at ease takes my mind off my own nervousness entirely. As far as rejection goes, it happens. It sucks, but it happens. Keep in mind that there are a billion reasons why two people may not "click", most of which are out of your control entirely. She may be in a bad mood, perhaps she has a headache, or she's confused about some guy she's seeing, or she has a busy schedule, or she's lesbian, or just not dating, or engaged... you can't assume it has anything to do with you, so take it in stride. If you need a test to determine your self esteem, this is a BAD PLACE TO LOOK. Pairing your self esteem with ability to date girl X is not only illogical, it's suicide. Do you think she wants that pressure either? Pity nobody told me this in high school. o_O

I totally knew it! God sake! I was doing the right way but grrrr girl these days doesn't want to do this with me. I think i don't have aspergers? I think it some unknown new symptom?