KimberKenobi wrote:
As a woman... Men like to fix things... sometimes when we're upset, we don't want or expect anything to be fixed. We just want to be listened to and know that our feeling are valid, even if you don't completely understand them.
As an aspie male, maybe talking as little as possible would be good so that none of that blunt honesty/curiosity surfaces...
I'm female w/AS & my bf is NT. I don't know how to comfort or console him, but he rarely seems to want/need it. I just do what I'd ask of him, which is hugging/holding.
When I'm upset, I try to let him know if it's something I'd like him to take action on, if possible ("fix it now, please")-or something that nothing can be done about, and I just want him to let me talk (and also to share his perspective).
Knowing and/or being reminded that one's companion is still "there for" you (and cares about you) can be comforting in itself-even if it doesn't immediately make things any better. Having "backup"-someone on my side or in my corner-is affirming, validating, and appreciated.
If one has comment or question of someone close to them who is upset, perhaps a disclaimer made beforehand would be good idea-like, "I hope this doesn't offend you or sound insensitive...". I've gotten more upset sometimes when my bf says something that I interpret a certain way that makes me feel he doesn't understand me at all. Then I'm caught up in reacting both to what he said & that he didn't realize I'd react so poorly to it-so at least a preface or disclaimer would remove one of those (unintentional) triggers/provocations.
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*"I don't know what it is, but I know what it isn't."*