Never can seem to break through

Post Reply New Topic

Hey All,
I don't post much, being more of a lurker, but I feel compelled to chip in my own experiences. and see if anyone has had ones similar to mine.

My romantic life is non-existent, like a lot of people's on this board. I've never had a girlfriend, and have only ever been on four or five dates...several of which I'm not sure the other person even considered a date, so it might be less still.

I still try, but the last few attempts have been particularly frustrating. I'm a long distance road runner, and at the last couple of races I ran, I met girls with whom I seemed to have a rapport. I also managed to place high or win those races, so I might've scored some points on a physical level. In both cases I got emails and numbers. But both times I was shut out. I would send out a feeler, to say how much I enjoyed meeting them, and how I'd really like to meet up again, for a run, or for lunch. I tried to play it casual. In one case, we had a time set to meet for a run, but a turn in the weather forced her to cancel. I tried to establish another time, but her replies grew fewer and farther between, until she quit responding at all. With the second girl, it was much faster. I tried the same approach, trying to be casual and friendly at first, avoiding overeagerness. I think I received one response to an email, and never did get a callback to my messages.

And all the while, I was re-establishing an old friendship with a classmate. We wrote fairly often, and got to calling each other every couple of days. It was going great. Then, a week ago, she quit responding to any of my emails, or phone calls.

At this point, I'm feeling so frustrated and misled. I think I've reached an important first step, and then I'm shut out before I'm even given a chance to present myself. I get to feeling like there is no way to win, if they won't even bother to give me a chance. Have the rest of you had experiences like this?

BR

That is why I don't spend more time in pursuit.

All the time boss. All the time. It is a constant battle.

Brian, yes. What's been a constant for me, particularly on things like Eharmony - I'll have interests, go through the Q and A, we'll have good interaction and then bam; same. Anymore I just blow it off in the sense that they probably got an idea that I was real, whatever expectations they had based on my looks probably took a jog to where I seemed more typical than they'd hoped, and of course when your getting like 5 responses or requests per week its a buyers market (and yes, we're quite often the sellers).

Again though, this happens all the time to NT's and I think we just get disheartened about it quicker - as we're more selective about personality, go for women much less often than the average guy just because we feel the need to find someone we're safe with (and by the time we know that - they tried and moved on because women are quite often intentions first and need that from the guy). I think I am learning from my friends though - just be boyish, cute, kinda fratty, and when you set that up right you can get away with being intelligent because you've got that playful flirtatious mixture with kind of a dark, sometimes slapstick sometimes introspective, 'cloak n' dagger' wit.

It's not just a guy thing, guys. I have had similiar rejections after someone shows an inetial interest and spend hours trying to figure out "what did I do or say wrong"....One of my NT female friends said that I shouldn't take it "personaly" because....


Some people just like to "flirt", they like the attention but have no interest in actually persueing a relationship, you are just there to feel their egos and if you start showing a desire for more then mututal flirting...they will run for the hills.

Some people maybe interested but they may have several "fish on the line" and they end up getting back together with an old girlfriend or the guy they liked at work finally started showing interest....in other words they life to play the odds.


Sometimes....you do say the wrong thing...they talk to you a few times and find out you smoke or are Jewish or not as wealthy as they prefer or a million other things....it has nothing to do with them thinking you are a "bad person", just the wrong person for them.


The best you can do s just be totally honest about who you are and what you like. Then when you ARE excepted, it will be by someone who isn't going to try and change you into something else(hopefully). I wasted years on people who did decide to over look my "quarks" and then spent the next year trying to change me into "normal". So if you are rejected for being yourself....consider yourself lucky to have dodged a bullet.

I forgot the most important thing.....ask the person questions about the things they like and what they have done in their lives or anything that involves them talking about themselves....try really hard to listen and ask for more details....People DO love to talk about themselves and I always use to forget to do this,(i preferred talking about books and "ideas" or myself,lol.