Why does he do this?

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I am me (I have an autism spectrum disorder, not sure which one), and my fiance is for the most part NT (I think, but I have my doubts). We've been dating for twelve years and have spent that last several months engaged. I love him so much, and for some reason he makes me laugh....I'm not good at getting jokes because I take everything so literally but I think he realizes this and asks me stupid questions like "do raisins grow on trees?" and "does British English and American English use the same alphabet".....for some reason I find it really funny, and I know he can't be that stupid. He went to college, he runs a business.....

Anyway. One think he does that really bugs me, is he breaks up with my voicemail when I don't answer my cell phone. Last night he did it again. I left my phone in my car after work. Played on the internet, cooked dinner and took a long nap. I put my purse by my bed thinking my phone was inside and would wake me up...I woke up at 9:47pm and looked for my phone....then I remembered it was in my car....I had 6 missed calls and a nasty voicemail from my fiance. He yelled in the voicemail..." I can't take this s**t, never call me again."

Okay so I take this literally....every time he does this I think he wants to break up for real. then I call him back to make sure and he says he can't take it anymore and he wants to break up. then he goes on to talk about the cabinets for my new kitchen in his house (for when we move in together), and asks me about what color countertops we should get.....WTF??? did you not just break up with me....if I was your ex-girlfriend why would I care about your stupid countertops??? Does he not mean he wants me to never call him again??? why would he say that if he didn't.......gah...

Because voicemail is the single most annoying invention on the face of the earth? Because he wants to mess with you head? (Which is not nessesarily a bad thing) Because he finds it funny?

There are a myriad of reasons that I could think of, but the only way of knowing is to ask him and, if it really bothers you, tell him to cut it out.

Hope things work out okay

He does find it funny....that's what he said last night before he started going on and on about his stupid countertops and cabinets, and asking me what time I was coming over on Friday....he actually said "Stop...you're making me laugh...your so funny"....after I was all upset that he tried to break up with my voicemail for the zillionth time (always die to me not answering it).....

I really think cell phones are the most annoying devices on the plane....I mean don't get me wrong...I like machines....I really do....but these little things are so annoying. i don't know how many I'm broken becaus EI get mad at them and throw them.....

Seriously...I remember a time before cell phones....when people had house phones and answering machines. What happened to "I'm not home right now, leave me a message and I'll call you back." Really. I mean I can't drive, eat, work, even pee with that thing going off and someone leaving me a nasty message about why I never answer my phone....It really can't be that important....okay rant over...

... you've been with him for 12 years and he still does this to you ...

does he not know it actually makes you upset and feel crazy and want to cry?
or is he just ret*d? That a little cruel in my book...

then again, I'm still trying to iron things out with the guy who leaves me sh***y txt msgs...
so WTF do I know?

This may be something you might want to ask him. You could also tell him to stop if it hurts your feelings. If he does it that often he's either a psycho or doesn't mean it. Swearing in a joke yell is a little extreme in that it will tend to seem much more real than if he didn't.

Just got off the phone with him actually.....what a silly boy....he asked me to go to Ikea for him to get him hinges for his cabinets (ironic because I happen to have a thing for hinges). I said "didn't we break up yesterday?" and went on and on about how my roommate has a home phone and he can call that if I'm supposed to be home and I'm not answering my cell phone. I tend to lose it a lot, forget it at home/work/in my car, throw it and brake it, etc.....so sometimes it's easier to reach me on a landline phone.....then I went on to say that he can't just breakup with my voicemail like that.....then he replies "you're still going on about that." Then he made up a series of words (he's not satisfied with the 995,112 words in the English language, so he makes up his own), and we hung up.....he knows I think it's cute when he makes up words...so that was him trying to make me swoon or something........

Nah he doesn't make me want to cry. It's pretty much impossible to make me cry....I do get really mad and brake things when I'm upset, and sometimes I do things like banging my head into a wall or on a desk, but I don't cry.

Sometimes I think he does that as a wake up call, other times out of frustration....I don't usually notice if he's upset about something....the last time he did this was after the Superbowl, and the Giants won (he hates them), and I just left to go home to cook for a party at work......he was really upset that I didn't notice that his little perfect universe had been destroyed, and I just left and didn't comfort him (oh please it's a football game) or whatever......yeah it took me a while to get over that one....again....supposedly he was just mad, didn't mean it and thought it was funny that I took him seroiusly.....grrr......

I know relationships have their challenges, men and women are different and think differently, but this is also an NT/not NT relationship......

I should know that he doesn't mean it, but how do I know just by the voicemail that he's not serious? and why does he keep doing it.....eventually I'm just not going to call him back after he leaves me one of those messages.....he always expects me to call, even though he says "never call me again".... that will teach him.....

I hate cellphones.

Seriously though, he cannot expect you to be tethered to a cellphone, his behaviour and the break-up messages would raise some red flags for me...I would either totally ditch the cellphone and see what happens next...or tell him in no uncertain terms that this has to stop...and mean it.

If the issue is one about trust, he needs to come to terms with that now or you will have more problems in the future...being concerned about your well-being is one thing...leaving nasty/hurtful messages because you don't respond to his calls right away is another.

Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk. Why are you even still with him?


My ex kept joking around too and he was full of sarcasm and I kept telling him I take things literally. When people keep doing that, I come to a point when I don't take them seriously anymore because lot of things they say, they aren't serious. And that becomes a problem in a relationship.