What the cluck do I do now?

Post Reply New Topic

So the last 6-8 weeks I've been dating a Pe teacher who is the female version of me, Smart, geeky, joy of fitness and we've never spent a dull moment in each others company. Every one of our friends think we're perfect together. But of course life sucks.

The last two weeks she has been extremely busy and had almost no time for me, personaly I understand and am not bothered. We still met once a week, but this week she was almost unheard of after meeting up on monday. I asked if I did something wrong and a lengthy conversation followed.

"I think we just rushed into a relationship. We get on great, we’re very similar and we’re very good together. But right now I don’t think it’s the best time for me to be in a relationship. I thought it’d be fine but honestly I can’t give you enough of my time the now. I’m really busy and always distracted by something and that’s not how the start of a relationship should be. I said its be better this week but I don’t think it will be for a while. I think right now it’s better than we go back to being friends and just develop things from there. I don’t want to push you away or lose you from my life but I don’t think a relationship is right the now. Sorry I do still want to hang out with you and I think we’ll be awesome friends and maybe once my life isn’t as crazy then we can try again.

You didn’t do anything, I love the way you are, your fun and silly and make me feel special. I think we just need to go back a step and take it from there. I don't not want to have you around but i dont want to be the kind of gf that ignores you or doesnt see you that often and stuff, its not fair to you"

Through out my life i've stuck by the rule of boys and girls can't be friends unless one of them is in a relationship but I've never felt this way about a girl, normally I don't give a damn how things end. But I don't want this one to stop.

So here's what I want to know from people here, Should I do what I typically do and end all contact to cut my losses, Should I try and find some one else and just be friends with her. Or should I grab onto that bone she tossed me and stay friends till things settle down for her?

Honestly I'm at a loss on how to react and that hurts me more than anything, I'm not a player by any standards, but I actually rejected several women through out this relationship, I was happy to take things slow. I was willing to jump through the hoops for once and like always it hasn't paid off.

I'd say friends until things settle down, then reassess and see where you stand. If she's been completely open and honest (which it sounds like it.) then she may be ready to get more into a relationship in a short while vs. right now during a busy time in her life and job. It's spring, it won't be too long until school's out and she's off for the Summer - which could be an excellent time to really develop a relationship that will have the strength to carry on and find a better balance once she returns to her regular job again come September vs. trying to sort that out in the midst of a hectic time at work and in her life.

And I don't subscribe to the whole guys/girls can't be friends thing, even if there was a relationship previous. I know some divorced couples who split for very good reasons who are now very good friends with one another and each others respective significant others. I'm also very good friends with someone I'm attracted to but they don't feel the same in return, but I'd still much rather have them in my life as the friend they are than not at all. If it was just a passing physical attraction to someone, meh, whatever, ex-communicate them entirely from your life and move on, but if it's not, then there may still be some value there worth having in your life even w/o a "relationship." That's up to you to decipher & decide.

lol, P.E. instructors are notorious for being one of the biggest b*tches/pricks out of every teacher in the school. Being an arrogant prick almost seems like an unwritten requirement for the job.

let her go..i know how it hurts..but if you are in love with someone you always find time, no matter how busy you are...maybe she will miss you and come back.maybe not.But honestly can you be back to "just friends" with her?

Really, it's up to you. She's made it clear what she wants, but what do you want? She might just need time to re-assess the situation or she might feel it's going too fast, or she might have lost interest. Sadly, none of that matters, as she has said what she wants and the ball is now in your court. The man I'm having a relationship with said something similar to me last year, but I wasn't happy to stay friends - I would rather walk away than have that pain on a daily basis. I told him that and he reconsidered his options and decided he'd rather be with me than not. But ultimately you have to be honest about what you want/need now.

Well I've been talking to her about it and she has repeated that it's just the wrong time for her. So I, being the subtle Irish twit I am, Asked her directly if she wants to be just friends or are we just putting things on hold till things settle. She said she couldn't answer that right now.

Quite frankly I don't believe I can do it, I'm not a machine I can just switch off. I can't even begin to explain how angry and frustrated I am. Of course she has suggested that we keep doing TKD together. Mood I am in, I'll get up joining the local mixed martial arts gym just do I get to vent.

Thanks for the suggestions every one it did help to read them.

Nothing to do with being a subtle Irish twit - after all, how are you meant to know if you don't ask? And if she can't answer then she doesn't know her mind, which is a right pain for you. If you don't want to carry on hanging out with her, be honest. Personally, I couldn't stand the thought of hanging round like a spare part, watching while the person you're besotted with meets someone else etc. Know what you mean about never having felt like that before & I was prepared to move to another part of the country just to get away from the pain, but luckily he got over his fears before I had to do that! I'm not saying she will, but while she has you waiting as a friend until she's ready then she will never have to make that decision. Or maybe I'm just being cynical.

"Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym."

-Woody Allen

Just give her her space and be cool about it as much as it might frustrate or make you linger. If it's not something you can really handle atm then it might be best to let her go and move on.

I don't know s**t about anything, but if you actually feel strongly for her and aren't like "huh, she's pretty hot and sexible, but I don't care one way or the other" about her, then I'd try to keep her as long as possible. Even if you just call her up to do stuff or whatever on a weekend, I'd say if you feel strongly about her, then you do. If she cuts it off, she cuts it off, but she doesn't seem to be cutting you off.

And no, I don't think you should just go look for another girl. Not that it's a "soul mate" kinda thing, but can you imagine yourself doing "better" with any other girl? If not, then there you go. If you just go for another girl, then that girl will probably feel more like a consolation prize. That's my issue due to my romantic regrets from not telling someone how I felt until it was way way too late. Every other girl I look at I see in that sort of light.