The main cause: Lack of an adult look

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Countless of theories I made in my mind trying to figure out the main reason why girls are not attracted to me after years of failure in the relationship world. We humans usually tend to overthink about our relations and attraction but sometimes the answer is much simpler and much closer than we think it is, sometimes these theories ,such as the height theory and the confidence theory, that we create in mind or we read somewhere distract us from the very simple truth .

I remember that I posted a similar thread long time ago about how people perceive me so young but this time it will be from another perspective.


Before yesterday , 1 of my female coworkers ,which is a new employee, asked me for my age during a conversation and when I truthfully answered , she commented that she thought that I was 16-17 , the other coworker girl said that she even thought that I was about 15 when she first saw me.

Ironically, the day after I met a business partner for the first time face to face (it was only by phone and emails) , she was shocked and she never imagined that I am the one who she's supposed to meet as she commented that I look far way younger than she thought ,note that I was wearing a suit. This was not the first time that such incident happened to me .

I recall another incident few weeks ago with a young trainee guy of 17 yo, when he knew that I will be his trainer he told me: " I really respect you for getting this position at my age" =/

Countless of shocks I caused because of this and strangers usually talk to me as if they are talking to a teen , there's no need to bore you with more incidents since you can get the main picture of what I am trying to picture.


Finally, I know the main reason now of my romance unattractiveness : I don't look like an adult. How stupid I was expecting to attract any adult girl when I look like her little brother. Surely a girl won't feel attracted to that at all and I totally understand that when I imagine to be in her situation.
Let's face it , first impression is the main gate in the mating field. If you project a negative first impression = you're screwed before even trying , if you project a good first impression = you might have a chance. My extremely younger looks are always projecting a negative first impression , teen looks might not be a negative itself and can be even a bless but since we are talking about dating here and since teen looks are a big turn off among adult girls (aka women) then it's a very negative thing for this subject.

I stand 5'4'' (163 cm) and I do have a babyface, in some stage I thought that my height is the main reason , surely short height doesn't help at all in the dating realm since almost all girls prefer tall guys but some short guys I know succeeded so i can't be the only reason. What I even noticed that short guys but with very adult manly looks (and with large type of bones) have no problem to attract girls except those who are taller than them. So the problem is surely in my overall young looks and not just my small stature.



The bad news about this truth: It's hard to change it , it's not easy to change my height , my skeleton type and my face . As a guy ,I can't do much about it since I can't use makeup .

The good new about this : I know the reason now so I can know where to start to change my impression, (working out more regularly , more adult dressing ...etc) not much ideas in my head right now but I am sure that I ll find out more ideas. At least I know my direction now to raise my chance.


PS: Please refrain the "this will be a bless for you when you get older"-comment , I am an ambitious guy and I surely think about the future but I also want to live the present properly , if I can't live the present properly then I won't live a future properly.

Hey, I'm taller than you (5'9" ~ 170cm)! Sorry, but that makes me happy, even if it's only a little.

Another solution: grow a beard, if you can. This is not why I grew mine, but people tell me it makes me look older or more mature.

Anyway, I do suspect appearance is not the greatest difficulty in finding relationships.

Work out, put up on some weight, try to look like a strong man. That way if you still don't look more 'adult' you will certainly look more like a man and not a kid.

I agree with the beard comment - it will make you look 5-10 years older, regardless of height and what you actually look like. Also the way you dress plays a huge part in it. Don't completely sacrifice your personal sense of style, it's good to stay comfortable, but some button down shirts and nice sweaters may do the trick. Of course, it all depends on what you're comfortable in. Good luck!

In high school when the guys always remarked that they wanted to look "older," they were always told to "grow a mustache."
Facial hair does help one to look older.

Definaiely try for some facial hair, or maybe just style you hair differently. I'm 22, and when my hair is long, I look 16/17. I cut my hair off a couple of years ago, and now I at least look 20.

Also, make sure that your haircut is as "typical" as it can be. Go to a female hairstylist and ask for direction as to what hairstyle would look best on you. Make sure it's a trendy hairstyle that is common for men your age.

My 21 year old son tends to YOUNGER the shorter his hair is. He kept his hair quite long all the way through high school, and often was mistaken for much older than he was (this could have been due to facial hair as well), but once he cut off the beard and the hair, he looked about 12! It was strange!

Kris

I spent some time last year growing a goatee, although I later shaved it off. While I wore it, I looked about 20 (I was 18 at the time), and now people have been saying that I look 17 or 18 at the most...

I'm not small either... I'm 5'11" and 260 lbs (yes I'm overweight, I know...)

I don't recall you looking younger to the point of that being an impediment but it's never bad to work on your looks if you feel like it.

I agree that the other theories are a bit delusional and over-simplifying, at least for me.

I, myself, simply don't get to meet any. If I've been to clubs like 20 times in my whole life and in about half of those times some women showed at least some interest - then it's reasonable to think that I would be at least normally successful if I went out every weekend and formed part of social networks like NTs do (as in: meeting friends of friends and whatnot).
Obviously I've been struggling with this for over a decade. . .

I still have people who think I look like a 14 year old kid, regardless of the fact I keep my hair high and tight, and I've built up my lean muscle mass. Wearing my suit coat, I look a bit more stocky, which helps cut back on the young teen look (I'm 25, by the way), but still, everyone thinks I'm some punk kid who doesn't know what he's doing.

But fortunately, the stress wrinkles in my forehead from dealing with such stupid NTs is helping close the presumed age gap. If their stupidity continues, I'll probably have my first gray hairs by summer.

You mean muscle size. People can have different sized rib cages or shoulder widths, but it's the size of the muscles on top of them that makes the real difference. From skinny to big, you can add around (I guess) an inch to shoulder width, which doesn't sound like much, but visually it's a huge difference.

I notice how people can think that I'm older or younger than I am. When I have facial hair, I look a few years older. When I'm cleanly shaven, I look a few years younger. Whenever I try to buy a pack of cigarettes somewhere, I can rely on without fail getting carded if I shaved that day and not getting carded if I hadn't.

I've had people explicitly say I look young when I have short hair and have shaved recently.

Im 17 and people say i look 12/13

Aw, how cute sweetcupcake!

watch out for creeps...

12 years ago a woman asked me how old I was, and when I told her 30, she misheard me and said, "That's what I thought -- 13, 14..."

My new bf has my pic on his desktop at work, and has already been asked a couple of times, "Is that your daughter?" He's a year younger than me...

You really WILL like it when you're older.