idealsing crushes

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I'm an NT but I was wondering if any of the Aspie males here were guilty of this because I know I am: idealsing a crush. When I had a ceush on a girl I would start to become like a boy idealsing his mother (metaphor not meant to be taken literally). Since they were girls who were cute and very nice to em I would start telling myslef that they were an angel an things like that. Then I would always fanatsize about cuddling with them especially if I was feeling down. Now theres nothing wrong witht his up to a point, but if you are a shy person and you idealize a woman it makes it harder for you to talk to her on a normal level. Now the best thing to do here in my opinion is think rationally and talk to her casually. Anyone else here done this or know what i mean?

Yeah. I almost have to consciously stop myself from doing this.

Last edited by sim on 01 May 2008, 9:05 am, edited 2 times in total.

I was more along the lines of "I'd do anything to be with this person" and attempted to find negative things about them to discourage me from thinking about pursuing them knowing full well they were above me.

Didn't always work but I had to try to keep myself from going nuts.

Sounds like obsession? Happens to loads of people. Every time I think I've made a decent impression on a cute girl I can't help fantasising a bit. Always put it down to desperation.

used to do that so often when i was younger.... got my heart trampled on so many times...

these days i dont let myself JUST fall in love, when i notice it about to happen i usually kill the feelings in the bud, when someone comes along who is interested, THEN i will let myself love them...

people may feel thats not the best way forward, but its better than always being crushed inside, and it helps to see things objectively.

I always get depressed to know that a guy has been doing this. . . not the fantasizing, so much, but the idealizing. . .

I'd rather be known as a real and whole sort of person.

me too... i get sick of girls only looking on the outward image of a guy

I always idealize my crushes. :D but I don't really care. :D

obsession is another word for love.

That's what I do as well. My friends mentioned to me about how girls broke their hearts, and I kept telling them not to let themselves fall in love. They looked at me like they didn't know what I was talking about. In their opinion, it's impossible not to fall in love with a beautiful girl.

However, blocking out feelings isn't like flipping a switch. It's more like shutting down a server. There are steps you have to take to turn it off properly, but once it's off, it's off.

Even if you do accept this, it doesn't address whether one really is obsessing over the person or what they would like them to be.

I think love is when you start caring about someone so much that you start to put another person's best interests above your own; not the same as thinking about them all the time or stalking them.

Everybody does this. Even if you notice something bad, you rationalise it or ignore it. However, those bad parts are good to cling onto when the crush ends, especially through rejection.

I don't think so. . .

I think sometimes you can see the bad things, and think, "but that's something I could deal with well. ."

And sometimes when you think that, you could be right.

Hell no. Every woman is just another flawed human being, some are better than others, but most are just average people. For every one that doesn't work out there's another dozen waiting to take her place. It's about what I want/need and what is good for me, if you don't cut it, you're gone. I won't waste my time on you, even if it means I spend the night at home playing video games instead. This is just for my own safety. There's lots of unhealthy people and women who just play games. I used to give my trust easily, but now you really have to earn it. I'm glad I know this now.

But isn't that in itself idealising? 'Even the bad stuff about her I can deal with'?