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Linesman2008
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27 Apr 2008, 10:50 am

Well on the third try I spelt the title correctly...

Anyway, im thinking about relationships here, and how difficult it is for those of us who don't "think normally". That really annoys me actually as its normal for me...

I have only had three relationships in my life and in each of those I was the one being dumped...and all three basically said they couldn't cope anymore, with my behaviour be it obsessive, unpredictable or whatever.

So what are the options? I am assuming many people here have formed meaningful, fulfilling relationships with people, so what am I doing wrong? I can't imagine every saying to someone "oh yeah by the way I may have Asperger's" as I expect they would run a mile, then again I can accept that I am not what most people out there consider to be normal. I have had depression on and off since childhood too...I don't like going out to places like bars and clubs and I get frightened going out on my own. I certainly do not think I could talk to a woman in a kind of pub or whatever. I met my past girlfriends either though the internet or out and about when I was able to cope with it, sadly I seem to have got more detached from "normality" as I have got older.

Should I just accept the fact that I will probably be alone all my life? I don't see how any woman could live with my "issues". I wanted to be a father someday too but I don't see how I could give any children a good upbringing as my mind evidently does not work properly...



hopelessaspielover
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27 Apr 2008, 1:47 pm

Don't bring yourself down. I'm not trying to give you false hope, but there are good people out there who have great patience and are willing to understand you, no matter the problem. Just give it time and don't give up yet and I'm sure that in time, you'll find the perfect person who's willing to be there for you and understand you. ^^


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MissConstrue
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29 Apr 2008, 1:44 am

Well I know what you mean but I think I agree don't put yourself down because of things that didn't go like they should have in your relationships. I would just move on but that is if you want to get into another relationship. I think getting to know someone before diving in a relationship is better, but that's just me. I'm still learning to be content with myself. I've learned that relationships are not always like the ones they represent in the media. There aren't always cuddly happy moments or those that last forever.


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computerlove
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29 Apr 2008, 2:19 am

I'd try to contact them and ask them in what aspects have I failed, to know how can I improve, be it be more open, or express more my feelings, or my reactions, actions, etc., or if you don't want to contact them, think what were the causes of the breakup.


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Linesman2008
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29 Apr 2008, 11:18 am

Thanks for the pointers guys...I think really whats of concern os how to meet new people. I have really become more withdrawn into myself recently, I don't really socialise much either, or when I do its based around my interests and not many women are involved with them. My ex actually used to shout and me and say "You aspergers freak" when she got angry with me when I behaved in a strange way. In fact, the only reason I looked into it is because she kept saying it to me, and a friend also suggested I may have it. So, in a nutshell, how does someone with anxiety about crowds and the social skills of a brick make new friends and relationships?



computerlove
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30 Apr 2008, 12:45 am

good recommendation: paradoxical intention

you hate crowds? go to a soccer stadium
you hate to socialize? go out and meet people


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Linesman2008
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30 Apr 2008, 11:23 am

computerlove wrote:
good recommendation: paradoxical intention

you hate crowds? go to a soccer stadium
you hate to socialize? go out and meet people


Sounds like my idea of hell! 8O



computerlove
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30 Apr 2008, 12:30 pm

Go, it's nice, I've gone to soccer games and I don't even know the teams names!! :lol:

Well, in the meantime read Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl, bestest book ever!
Seriously, best book I've ever read, it was of great help.


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Linesman2008
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30 Apr 2008, 12:38 pm

computerlove wrote:
Go, it's nice, I've gone to soccer games and I don't even know the teams names!! :lol:

Well, in the meantime read Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl, bestest book ever!
Seriously, best book I've ever read, it was of great help.


I will look into it. I despise football, so can't see myself hitting any stadiums in this lifetime ;)