All women are demons from Hell that like to mess with men.

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I posted this in another thread but I need to know why every women I have been interested in lately has done this crap to me.

I just broke it off with a girl I was seeing for like 6 months. After our first date, she told me that she just wanted to be friends, for now. That she has some issues she needed to work out and not ready for a reltionship. As we stay firends and hang out, she tells me about these other guys she is meeting and interested in but she gets upset when they tell her that they just want to be friends. I told her "i thought you just wanted to stay friends you were not ready, ect." Then she tells me that there is no spark between us and even before we went out, she already made up her mind that she was going to be just a friend with me. Not even considering me for a deeper relationship, even though I told her from the start I was looking for a reltionshiip.

I hope there is speical place in Hell for women like this. I was coming off another relationship where that girl sent me alot of mixed signals and this new girl did alot of damage to me.

We learn a lot about these sorts of conventions through trial and error. This seems to be a simple misunderstanding that may have got a bit out of hand. Don't be too upset with her, she had her mind made up and may have been a bit naive about how you were reacting.

Don't be upset with her? I told her from the start that I need people to be totally straght with me. If I feel there is any kind of deception or misleading then it will be bad. I told her I was looking for a relationship. She told me before we went out the first time that "we'll see what happens and how I feel". I was OK with that, going out, seeing how she felt. Then after the date she tells me she just wants to stay friends for now but maybe in the future, something more can come out of it. Then she tells me that she made up her mind about me even before we met face to face. She was missleading from the start after I told her upfront how I feel about people being misleading. The trust and respect are gone, I can't be friends with someone I don't trust or respect.

I hope she knows my pain a million times over. I'm done with everything. I'm not going to take anymore insilon and let nature take its course.

Women generally don't like nice guys even though they pretend like they do.

That reminds me of a line from an Eazy-E song: "Psychopathic, cause the ho's are attracted..."

Nice guys always lose. Start being a meanie, as I just started to be. ^^

KenM, this is how you learn about women. Through experiences. Good, bad and ugly. You are not the only person with this kind of hurt right now. So you got shot down. Big deal. How many of us have never experienced rejection? Once you go through a few more encounters with the fair sex, you'll be that much closer to being a man. And never think that there's no one to help you on this path. I am here, and I am listening.

generally this means that the girl isn't interested. she probably doesn't know how to say it otherwise without being afraid of being too harsh. in her eyes it's probably pretty much expected that you would pick up on that. if a girl is really interested in a guy, and she really wasn't ready for a relationship, she probably wouldn't even let that stop her. if she is really interested and really not ready, she might still try push the situation, maybe in trying to convince herself that she is ready.

what she is saying is making her sound like she has it together in the sense of she knows when not to get involved when she wouldn't be ready but at the same time she is openly saying that she hasn't got it together by suggesting that she has issues to work out, which is a paradox.

i don't think it's the rejection itself thats got him tweaked. i could be wrong, but in a way what she actually told him was somewhat leading him on by saying that she's not ready for him now and not saying that she will never be ready. he's taking this as he just has to take it slow with her until she feels better or warms up to him, but at the same time she goes and seeks out from other places what she said she isn't ready for with him.

it comes down to his ability to recognize social nuance compared to her ability to look past nuance. his words are his meaning but she is a kind of person who doesn't use or take words for face value. if she is going to mean one thing by saying something different then she will probably assume that others work the same way, if they say something then it's probably not really what they mean. it's just how she has learned to communicate. he told her what he needed from her and she couldnt provide it anyway *to be straight with him*. i think this sort of thing is pretty typical in aspie-nt interactions. the aspie might spend a good amount of time and effort trying to get the nt to understand , but in the end the nt still doesn't have a good picture. really bc regardless of how much they hear about AS they still haven't lived it and a lot of the time when the see an AS person they just see a person and will treat them the only way that they know how to treat people.

it can be hard for an nt to completely change their social behaviors for the benefit of an aspie bc they aren't really focusing so hard on every little thing they say or do. all they know is that they are them and they act like themself and will continue to be themself regardless of who they are interacting with.

this is a problem even within close long-time relationships. people even have the trouble with more common differences, like the difference of gender alone. a lot men just can't understand women at all and vice versa. it becomes even moreso complicated when you add fundamental neurological differences on top of that.

everyone is always going to be able to find people that they are socially incompatable with. so it then becomes a matter of keep looking until you do find compatability. of course its going to be easier for some than others, and theres no rules to how it happens. some people get lucky. some people need to put an endless amount of effort into the cause.

i think i feel this guy. i have this kind of trouble with trying to make plain old regular friends, which i think is supposed to be at least a little less complicated than other kinds of relationships. ever busy for me, but never busy to hang out with anyone that they are actually interested in. when confronted, the problem is never me, but i'm still the lonely one. it looks like here, he at least succeeded in making a regular friend. maybe she did wrong by him, but i don't think it was coming from a place of negativity.

Last edited by Shayne on 04 May 2008, 11:12 am, edited 2 times in total.

She totally Was leading him on! But thats just so typical of young women . They dont really know what it is that they want so they act on their emotional impulses. KenM, my advice in the future is when a girl starts acting like this, put her on the spot and demand to know what they Hell is going on and how she really feels. Insist on the truth, if she says she doesnt know dont let up on her. Tell her you've no time for games or being led on. If she says she just wants to be friends-Accept that and MOVE ON. If she changes her mind later make her SHOW that she's really interested and dont just take her word for it.But remember that Actions speak louder than Words. If she says one thing and does something different that you KNOW she's a liar and dont get involved with dishonest people.

As a female who has often been outside the female race, let me tell you. Women play STUPID mind games. I once asked my mum and sis why they do what they do. And they just looked at me. So, from watching her, I learned a few things.

1. If she says shes 'not ready', yet feels no need to shuttup about other blokes, big problem! Shes subconsiously looking for the 'fallback guy', the one she can come crying to when the other ones treat her like crap. Yea, maybe she will wise up and quit pulling your leg, but probably not. Steer clear.

2. If she looks at you and says, 'You're so unlike the other guys I know', it's because she surrounds herself with a**holes. It's mainly a subconsious thing, again. She wants someone to overpower her and leave her feeling helpless, at least some part of her does. By treating her nice, you're not her type. She's looking for drama, and you so don't want to go there.

3. The girl who only flirts. Thats a fun one. She does truly appreciate your friendship, but feels she has to 'keep you interested'. So, from her, feel free to accept the flirting as just that: Flirting. This ones going nowhere but nowhere.

4. She smiles when you are nearby, but you hear from other people she says things that... aren't so smiley. Shes getting the dirt one you for all her GF's. She wants to make sure that, for whatever reason, you loose. I've honestly never understood this one either, but it seems to come if you don't try and jump her bones the moment you meet her.

There are far more, but these are the ones who stick out. And honestly, did you know damn near every female complains that all men are a**holes? I mean really! The human race would die out if NO ONE was compatible. Most women my age have been raised in the barbie age (21ish) and therefore expect that they get the cool job that doesn't actually make them work, all the pretty things they could want, and a stud who caters to their every whine. You've got to look for the ones that don't expect that. There are still women out there who want to be an equal in a relationship. And your best place to meet them is in a treehugger club, to be honest.

But yes, damn all women who sully the good name of female to that special level of hell, because all they do is turn men into those a**holes they complain so much about.

i maintain my less harsh point of view on this. i'm not disagreeing with what Kip is saying at all, i think it's very interesting to hear this point of view from someone with more real perspective.

i would like to point out though, how can we expect any better when there is so little productive edjucation on how they should deal with their feelings. all of these things are reactions to their feelings and insecurities and most of these reactions are learned.

where's the intervention and edjucation that shows them a respectful way to act? a lot of people just don't have that.

otherwise they can only learn the hard way, which means doing the wrong thing until they figure it out. and this is something so complicated that it's hard to figure out just by doing. especially since the nature of the behavior is so deceptive. it's hard to pull truth out of deception alone.

I'll elaborate a little, though Shayne also put it fairly well. People often aren't comfortable with being as forthright as saying "I do not find you attractive". There are conventions built around this instead. Expressions like "I don't feel like being in a relationship right now" and "I think of you more as a friend" are more polite ways to turn someone down. It seems like you interpreted them at face value and thought that you were still in with a chance, while she may have thought that you got the message despite your warnings. Everyone makes mistakes.

And of course, there's the ever-popular "you're a really nice guy, I'm sure you'll find somebody", which always comes out worse than intended.

I'm a heterosexual male aspie, so I appreciate that "just wanna be friends" stuff about as much as anybody else. Actually, I probably wouldn't mind it if heard something else once in a while.

But damn, doesn't it piss you off when some of those women start talking about "all men..." My immediate response is that my name isn't "all men," so they should stop assuming that it is.

I wouldn't be too surprised if women had the same response to hearing about "all women," and it's probably equally accurate.

We are talking about half the world's human population throughout history and prehistory, so there might be just a little bit of individual variation.

It came as a shock to me when I realized that guys didn't like me any better than women did. It just didn't bother me near as much 'cause who cares if some guy doesn't like you.

Not all women. Sometimes I'm ashamed of my own gender for crap like this. Women seem to be notorious head game players, manipulating a guy to have her own way. She realizes that she has to string him along a little because a lot of guys don't want to just be friends. (Yes, I am generalizing a bit, forgive me.)

I'm sorry you've been maneuvered down that road. All I can say is that eventually, when you do find a girl who isn't like all the others, you'll really appreciate her for what a wonderful lady she is.

which is always a valid thought in their mind, if you can try with them then you can probably try with anyone. maybe it's easy for them, they don't see why it shouldn't be just as easy for anyone else. and they do understand that if they are not interested, then it wont be a compatable relationship and there's bound to be someone out there that could offer more compatability.