Another date w/ NT another "lets be friends" momen

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Aaarggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!! !! !

LET'S GO GET A DRINK MAN

You know, is it unreasonable to have the attitude(in General)that if you meet a woman whos interesting and all she can offer is friendship than she's not worth having anything to do with? Thats how Ive been doing things lately. But there are those who say if you have those expectations you'll never actually fnd what you're looking for......

I just broke it off with a girl I was seeing for like 6 months. After our first date, she told me that she just wanted to be friends, for now. That she has some issues she needed to work out and not ready for a reltionship. As we stay firends and hang out, she tells me about these other guys she is meeting and interested in but she gets upset when they tell her that they just want to be friends. I told her "i thought you just wanted to stay friends you were not ready, ect." Then she tells me that there is no spark between us and even before we went out, she already made up her mind that she was going to be just a friend with me. Not even considering me for a deeper relationship, even though I told her from the start I was looking for a reltionshiip.

I hope there is speical place in Hell for women like this. I was coming off another reltionship where that girl sent me alot of mixed signals and this new girl did alot of damage to me.

qgambit, I know how you feel. 99% of the time thats all I hear form women, too. its really frustrating.

To the OP: Mate, be glad you got that far, since a lot of people on this board don't.

Yeah it is frustrating. Thing is, she was the one who initially showed interest in me.

Then she couldn't understand why I didn't want to be her friend. After all everybody wants to be friends, right?? I got frustrated and couldn't explain it to her at that moment. Our definition of friendship is just different.

Last edited by qgambit on 04 May 2008, 5:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

"Let's just be friends" has to be the worst gentle let-down line ever. Roughly translated it means "I can tell you want to take this further but frankly I don't find you attractive and was hoping for someone different. I'd like you to hang around though as you'll be handy for when the real man I find isn't giving me the attention I need, though obviously we will only talk, let's get that straight".

Using the "let's just be friends' line assumes that the man will suddenly go from thinking "wow, this woman really is speical enough for me to want to get closer to them" to some passive state, a move which has historically been proven to be impossible.

You can say we shouldn't go into this with such heightened expectations but then what happens, she finds someone and when you tell them you had feelings for them they tell you that you hadn't shown any interest.

I feel for you and hope the next woman doesn't string you along with that awful line and instead gives it to you straight. It may hurt more but it'll be better for you in the long run.

I had that line dropped on me before too...

Then, 6 years later, when she witnessed me finally getting over it and hitting on another girl, she started inexplicably talking to me all the time...

Hedging her bets, clearly. And women complain when men can't commit.

Granted, at the time of the original incident, we were both 14... not to mention my first attempt wasn't even half-assed (more like 1/10-assed)... things could definitely have changed as a result of going through puberty...

Let me tell you a line from a letter that a girl I liked, in high school, wrote me...or at least what it boiled down to: "I'm not ready to get into relationships right now, but I'm sorta interested in this other guy".

I may be AS, but I'm not stupid.

Ironically, she and I are still friends. She's actually been very helpful to me, in terms of advice regarding certain stuff about me and my girlfriend- and I'm helping her out in her life wherever I can.

And believe me- I don't regret she and I not hooking up. She became a religious nutjob. I found the one I want, as you all know.

When I read this post I almost had to laugh, since it is me who is the NT and the guy I like has Aspergers and just wants to be friends! Believe me it doesn't feel good from either side!! !! !! !!

I fully agree with your AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!! !!

It's all a matter of how closely to your face you'd like the cookie dangled before it's yanked away from you.

I'm in this situation now, although it's a bit different considering she's had the same boyfriend since even before meeting me (they're going on 4 years, I've known her for almost 2), and now she calls me her best friend. >_< Being in the Super Friend Zone isn't much better let me tell you.

Ironically, she and many of my other attractive female friends have remarked at one time or another "I'm so surprised you don't have a girlfriend!" Well yeah, because none of you have wanted to be mine! lol. Apparently I'm such a wonderful guy (they are my friends of course), BUT I'm not for any of them... they, like nearly all women I've ever known, prefer douche bags unanimously. The decent guys are always for 'some other lucky girl' that legend has it, will someday be made happy by me.

I'm tempted someday to just come out and kiss my best friend out of the blue, just to test whether or not she can feel anything for me or not. Simply asking her would certainly yield a "no", since she couldn't know any better until she tries it... okay so maybe this is among my dumbest ideas especially since I do want to stay friends with her and not have to confront her boyfriend again after the last time I tried to 'steal' her from him over a year ago... but I'm getting quickly tired of asking myself "What if?" I'll never get over her as long as question lingers in my mind. To kiss her and have her tell me she felt nothing, that'd solidify my defeat better than anything she's ever said before.

Until then, I'm stuck just being a friend... or sometimes it feels like I'm the co-boyfriend. I get the shxt-end of the job, cheering her up and comforting her and being there for her and all that, while her real boyfriend (whose occasionally the very cause of her miseries) reaps the rewards of her affection for doing the bare minimum to keep her happy, and even less ever since her and I have been closer.



That sums up my situation pretty well. Not to say she's not an excellent friend though, BUT it only works if you get over your feelings for her first. Otherwise it can be kinda painful.

Sorry for the rant folks, but that's why I don't post often!

The "lets be friends" line has happened to me a lot too. But the guys always want to come back, LOL!! !

i get the whole lets be friends thing all the time

There's a girl i know that gave some signs she could be interested - but I only ever liked her as a friend (she didn't ask me out or anything so I didn't actually reject her). Yes, it can happen from both sides.
My latest experience with the 'lets be friends' thing has convinced me that in the future I will either not ask the girl out or just cut off all contact if she says no. what happened was that she rejected me but said she wanted to be friends, arguing that she has a bf (whom she says she considers unattractive and dislikes his personality, plus he's on another continent) and that she doesn't want an 'exotic boyfriend' (ironically enough, I've been mistaken for being from her country by people from her country). Now, one day she will not even reply when I greet her, the next she'll be almost overfriendly.