A Girl from Work Might be Attracted to Me.

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(Heads up: long post)

There's this girl at work who might have mild feeling of attraction toward me. We're in different departments: I'm the IT guy, and she's in HR. Before anyone says anything, she did not play a part in the hiring decision. She used to be in Accounting, but was transferred to HR about a month after I started with the company. (I was responsible for changing her network settings during the transition.) Overall, there are about 150 people working in the whole building. I see her on average once every two days.

As a person, she's very friendly and easy to get along with, smiles a lot, and has a bubbly personality. She looks really good, and has a hair color that I like. She's also computer illiterate. So she often calls me with questions about thinks that happened to her computer. Doing my job, I come to her office and fix them, oftentimes within minutes. On occasion, the problems take hours or days to resolve.

She's always seems happy to see me, and cooperates when I ask her to do something to help me fix the problem. We even had a few good conversations, mostly about work-related things. For quite a while by now, she's been acting touchy-feely (in an appropriate manner, obviously). She sometimes touches me on the arm or on the shoulder, particularly when she thanks me for fixing her problem. One time, she even said "thanks, hon". Following my friend's warning, I never try to touch her or even ask her to lunch (don't need that sexual harassment crap on my record). All I do is fix her problem, make a safe joke, or tease her in an "ooh, you broke it" kind of way.

My guess is that it's all a part of her bubbly personality, and I shouldn't read into it too much, although I haven't seen her acting like that with other people. And besides, I have no intention of dating in the workplace, whether or not she likes me. It's a job I've been wanting to find for years, and it's just not worth sacrificing my career for a relationship. Also, she regularly works with the company executives, so I'm sure she'd be more attracted to them than to me. But attraction works in mysterious ways sometimes, so you never know. Anyway, what's your take on all this? Do you think there's some attraction on her part? Or was I right the whole time, and it's just her personality? Tell me what you think.

drop a hint about a good restaurant,movie,art gallery etc and see if she bites.

I second that suggestion.

You're in, start with lunch or sitting by her in the break room at lunch. Don't give yourself a reason to kick yourself in the ass later.

It's risky. If you got the signals wrong and she's just friendly...and if you say you need to come to her a lot to fix her computer...it would be very awkward to do this work if things don't work out. It will turn into an unpleasant chore for both of you.

So weigh the risks carefully

Maybe there's a way you could hang out with her with a group of co-workers. Like a social "happy-hour" after work, with people from your department and her department, where you'd get to talk to her in a friendly and non-work-related context. Or an office party or office outing (picnic, sports event, volunteering etc). If she continues to act very friendly and seems interested in you..well...you take it from there.

Also you could start talking to her about her interests, when fixing her computer. But in a way that's work-appropriate..ask about the type of work she does in HR; f she has any certificates/awards in her cube ask where she got them etc..where she went to school, what her major was..safe stuff like that.

It can be VERY difficult for anyone, even NT's, to decode the "signals" of someone else. In fact, it's pointless to even try. While a woman might find you "cute," she's more likely to mean "cute" as in "fluffy white hamster" rather than "dating material." So I've found that the best thing to do is to assume that she doesn't like you in "that way" unless she tells you flat out. True, you're not likely to have any relationships with this attitude, but at least you can avoid the sexual harrassment charges.

I observed more closely during the last few days, but so far, I didn't pick up any signals, other than the usual touchy-feely thing (e.g. a pat on the arm while talking to me). I also had one flirty conversation with her, where basically, I ended up being right in a disagreement. I said "so who's the winner now!?", and she said "hey, watch it!" in a flirty tone. I don't know if that means anything, but it'd sure be flattered if it did. Especially considering the fact that I did not put in any effort other than fixing her computer and stuff.

Overall, I don't plan on dating her. Even if dating in the workplace were OK, the odds are stacked against me. First of all, she's looks really good; that alone reduces my chances to less than 5%. (I'm, on the other hand, borderline ugly.) Second, being in HR, she works with high-level executives a lot, so she's more likely to be attracted to them than to an entry-level IT guy. Third, she might even have a boyfriend outside of work.

Yet she does that touchy-feely thing. I haven't seen her to it to anyone else, male or female. I enjoy it, but it seems out of place compared to the rest of my experiences with women. Can someone help me reconcile the whole thing? The odds are stacked against me, yet she acts the way she does. What's the deal?

I've known lots of perfectly reasonable-looking guys who claimed to be ugly, but I don't know if they really thought so or if they were just being humble.