Avoiding/rejecting a crush that likes you

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I did this stupid thing a while back.
When I was at the beginning of 9th grade(15 years old), I fell in love with a girl in my school. It turned she was also interested in me. She repeatedly tried to reach out to me(in a warm, friendly way), but I ignored her and walked away every time. I have never talked to her.

I don't know/remember exactly why I did this. I guess I was shy or felt intimidated. My lack of empathy prevented me from realizing that I was hurting her. However, I've never been sadic or masochistic. She later realized that I am a socially ret*d weirdo not worth dating, and lost interest in me forever.

I eventually regreted the fact that I ignored her, but now I'm over it and I don't care anymore. I've never had a girlfriend and I'll probably never have one, but I'm OK with that. I hate interacting with people.

Have you ever done something similar(avoiding or rejecting a crush that is interested in you)?

I have done this all the time.

In grade school, a girl I had a crush on I didn't realize was more popular than me, even though she did take an interest for me, but my mom told me that I wasn't allowed to interact with anyone at the time.

A few years later, in MS, another girl took an interest in me. She was very attractive, but also was told off repeatedly by a group she usually hung out with mainly because I was the misfit of my class.

Unsurprisingly, during my HS years, I obsessed over a popular girl, who took no interest in me because she was dating someone else. She didn't tell me that until senior year.

Depends on what you mean by that.

Do you mean ALL girls who have had a crush on you, or only the ones that had a crush on you and you felt the same.

Because 4, possibly 5 girls overall have liked me throughout high school.

3 I have liked back.

8th grade:

1 of them had a crush on me and I had a crush on her. She was nice enough, but we were both much too shy to ever really get anything going. Don't really care anymore to be honest.

The second girl was a fairly popular and nice looking one. She expressed her feelings but I just never truly picked up the signs, and I was more distracted by the third girl.

Why? Because the third girl also had a crush on me, and SHE was the one I had a crush on back.

Girl #2 and #3 both liked me but they were not at a competition or anything. They were good friends and it seems they weren't fighting over me.

Anyway, girl #3 was absolutely CRAZY. She was literally the creepy, stalker type girl, but she never stalked me (just i'd imagine she would have begun to eventually). She was very pretty and quite friendly but she was just clearly overwhelmed by her feelings and lost control.

I knew she liked me and I liked her back. However I dont know why nothing happened. Even if I had a crush on her I guess I wasn't personally interested in dating at all. And to be honest I found her very intimidating. SHE was pursuing ME, and she sure was aggressive and creepy about it. I don't want to talk about it...

10th grade:

Girl #4 possibly had a crush on me but nothing came out of it really.

11th Grade:

Girl #5 was again a little bit crazy, but generally nice. She asked me out to the movies and I said yes and we were talking about it.

However, I could tell she was the type of person that likes to play 'games'.

I asked her friend if he thinks she likes me. He said he thinks she only sees me as a friend, because she just broke up with her ex boyfriend and 'it's a rough time for her and she needs some support'.

Anyway so i know she didnt have a boyfriend, but over facebook she says to me "Is it alright if I bring my BOYFRIEND along to the movies?"

I think she was testing me here. She did basically ALL the work in pursuing me and wanted me to try and pursue her back.

However, I have a take no cr*p attitude and I don't play games like this. So I cancelled the date and said she can just go with her 'boyfriend'.

The fact is, I said yes to her when she asked me out on a date to the movies, that should be enough to make it clear that yes, I am at least slightly interested in dating back.

Anyway, good thing nothing came out of that, because a few months later her and my friend got together, and let's just say in many ways she proved to the both of us she's manipulative and loves playing 'games'.

12th grade (this year):

Went on three dates with this girl I liked. Unrelated but might as well add it in there.

Anyway, yeah. That's my entire love life, I have no regrets that none of them have turned into relationships to be honest.

When I was younger I wanted to be at least a little older, say 11th grade or 12th grade before I have my first relationship because then it would be more likely to be a mature and serious relationship and not just 8th or 9th graders messing around.

However even if I was 11th or 12th grade I would want it to be mature and serious relationship WITH THE RIGHT PERSON.

And girl #5 clearly was NOT.

Frequently. I always had reasons, but I think I made them up to mask my insecurity in many cases.

I had a crush on a cheerleader while I was in high school. She also liked me (her friend told me), but I was too shy, and felt like she was too good for me. She is now married and has a couple of kids (with another popular person).

I didn't mean to offend anyone. It's just the way I see women. It's nothing personal.
I've often unintentionally insulted people in real life this way, by directly telling them what I think. This would make a romantic relationship particularly difficult for an Aspie. Picking up the usual social cues is hard enough. In a romantic relationship, you have to pick up the usual cues plus the special cues.

Ahhh yes

This is oh s**t she likes me effect experienced by many rookie shy guys.

Here's how it works. When a girl shows interest in you or you feel like a girl is about to ask you out, your brain tells you oh s**t red alert! And you go into shutdown mode and you become unrespondent when she's around, maybe even avoiding her as well. It's not because you're uninterested in her, it's because you're so scared and the fact of having a gf scares you. You let your fear of the unknown trick you into not making a move.

How to combat this: If you like a girl and she likes you back, god damnit then go make a move. This is natural fear but you have to ignore it and go out there and let her know you like her back. You're 15 and still very young, I gurantee that if you get a girlfriend in your teenage years, you will have done with 80% of aspies can't do.




So next time a girl shows interest in you, then god damnit man DO NOT avoid her or stop talking to her if you like her back. Trust me, you will be glad you didn't. I would have had 4 gfs my junior year in high school but I had the same problem you did. Not to mention you can get a jump-start on your sex life, now that'd be nice.

Cockroach, you're digging yourself in deeper by assuming that only a woman would take offense at your sexism. I'm a man, bigot.

I think it is appropriate to extend the discussion to men as well. First, NT males play extended games with compliments and lying about a woman's attractiveness and how smart and good she is. Not only that, NT men also play sex-games with stranger women in order to probe them for sexual readiness. Both of these examples are games just as much as the women games mentioned. But then some guys here will claim that aspie / neurodiverse men surely will be totally honest and free of games? Wrong, again. I know at least two examples of such games: The first one is the eye contact thing (the look), which is a game for both genders. The second game (which is probably more unusual, but one that I've done too), is to walk the same path over extended periods of time in order to attract the interest of a girl (it worked, too).

No. But I'll tell you what I did do. When I was a teenager and girls showed interest in me more often than not I would try TOO hard and end up ruining the whole thing.. It took till about 18 to realise that I was actually a creep and coming on that strong scared 'em all away.
You think maybe you're afraid of doing the same thing?