My g/f... an aspie?

Post Reply New Topic

I suspect my girlfriend might have AS... and that realization hit me after I started thinking just how similar we were in certain, quirky, ways (and I almost definitely have it). I've been with her for two months now, which seems so short for how close we've become, and it's been an insane ride. I've been in a few relationships before, but none moved so fast or were so intense and even passionate as this one. My previous relationship was one of almost 3 years, and it wasn't half as.. whatever this one is... even after only 2 months.

She's intensely affectionate physically. Once she realized I liked her (which took her quite awhile to actually believe), she basically wanted to cuddle all the time (not complaining though, heh). For all intents and purposes I couldn't pry her off me with a crowbar after that. And I find that I am equally enjoying that... but on the flip side there's never any discussion of feelings, and we both regard typically romantic things (like fancy dinners and flowers) as cheesy, annoying and a general waste of resources. She has a bizarre obsession with monkeys, which doesn't bother me any, but it's definitely an AS-like obsession. I see the same obsession with certain types of movies and music. In particular she obsesses over cheesy 80's comedies and old Alfred Hitchcock flicks (what 20-something girl obsesses over those?).

Mostly she's rather quiet, but when she wants something there's absolutely no social graces involved. I won't elaborate, but I will say she's extremely direct. Yes, there's something implied in that statement. Sometimes this is good, I don't have to guess what she wants. But sometimes this causes trouble, because I am too used to dealing with 'normal' people. Her body language is weird. I've been trying to learn more about body language lately, and I can't put my finger on it, but hers is very different than normal. Also, often times she doesn't seem to realize the implications of what she's doing or saying... which kind of reminds me of me. She's said a few hurtful things seemingly without any awareness that she has done so. Fortunately I'm thick-skinned these days and just brush them off. When I tell her about it, she apologizes profusely and assures me she didn't mean anything, sometimes that upsets her to the point of tears that she might have said something hurtful.

Maybe she does have it... or am I just seeing things?

Either way the relationship has been so much better than anything I've experienced thus far, and I don't want to screw it up. Suddenly I'm very afraid that I will. So I'd like some thoughts on it, and maybe some ideas of what I can do, even if she doesn't have it, to make things easier on her. I admitted that I was falling for her (though I haven't said the L-word yet) after she asked me if I really wanted to stay with her (she always seems afraid that I'm just going to leave her suddenly like her past boyfriends).

I don't really know what I'm doing anymore, heh.

Adapt , no relationship can succeed without adaptation. If you can't adapt then you'll never be able to maintain a relationship.

Oh I love a love story! Nothing is set in stone, all you can do is be grateful for today, and try your best to love someone and be their friend. If you're lucky they'll keep trying for you. Good luck! Oh and tell the girl how you feel, she sounds like she needs reassurance! We are allowed to be happy xxxxxxxx

She sounds a bit insecure and invalidated, needing constant reassurance that these feelings are true. It sounds like you've got a good thing going, but make sure she knows how much it means to you as she might have some trust issues. From the sound of it this could be the start of something beautiful for you both.

I meet my current BF 5 years ago and he also has a lot of As traits and e get along better then I have in any previous relationships. I need constant reassurances, so I don't consider this a bad thing...just get in the habit of saying how much you like her a few times a day.( It just relieves some of the anxiety I may feel when being constantly rejected by most NT's.)

Sounds like she maybe aspie or on the spectrum in enough ways to make you compatible...a good thing. As far as losing her, I understand the anxiety when you have a good thing it is only normal to have some fear of losing it but many aspies re very devoted and less likely to be looking for the "next best thing".....we like the "known" . My only concern is for the partners of aspies who view the partner as a 'special interest" rather then a person (I have done that), and that can be bad because special interests can stop for no reason (or after you have learned every thing about it ).

hmm, wish i could find an aspie girl. even though im only 14, u can get really far with someone who understands u. and man, they go waaaaaaaaay faster these days. in 8th people were hittin 2nd and 3rd believe it or not XD, but i like taken things slow. which is y im single right now.