What is WRONG with him?

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I've had a long-distance relationship with a guy I'll leave unnamed, but let's call him X. X is all I ever wanted, it's like for years I dreamed about the perfect guy for me, every detail of his personality and X fits it perfectly, if not even better. X, however, broke up with me for a girl he had a crush on* and I've kinda been devastated because I still love him and I don't know how you can get over the guy you feel is perfect for you - still friends though.
Anyway, for the last two weeks X has been in a very good mood and has gotten very clingy with me, and gathered from what he told me I'm one of the few, if not the only person he can really let himself go with. He wants hugs, he wants affection, and
... he gets EXTREMELY jealous
Now, jealousy is a fault, yes, but I always found it really, really cute. I know plenty of girls are bothered by it but I just find it so adorable. I wouldn't have any problem at all with his jealousy (like it, in fact) if we were still together but I'm like WTF?!
So I asked him if he still had feelings for me and he told me he didn't know.
To add to the mix today he had a bit of a bad day and when I told him that this random guy tried to flirt with me, I expected some explosion of jealousy, but I got
"awesome, see? ur bound to find someone
and u doubted me."
... cause he's apparently not in a good mood anymore.

Gawd, it's as if this guy was designed, built from the ground up, and programmed exclusively to make me suffer.

I don't want any "get over him" comments, but does someone know what the **** is going through this guy's head?

*unrequited though, this girl already had a boyfriend.

Last edited by Reyairia on 03 Aug 2008, 11:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe he thinks of you as a backup, he may still want you to be happy though. He probably wants to have an easy relationship close to him but if that does not work out he is thinking he can lways have you.

I'm not sure about the jealous thing. From what you say it doesn't sound like he is jealous.

If he is jealous maybe because it is from still having some feelings for you, but I'd say they would be wearing off.

Anyway he just sees you as a friend now, he broke up with you for someone else, so to me that means it's not meant to be.

When you ask 'do you have feelings for me?' and they say 'I don't know,' that means 'yes,' but there's a reason they can't tell you or act on it.

He's probably just realised what it is he's lost, and doesn't want you to leave his life in case his current girl doesn't work out. I know you don't want someone to tell you to get over him, but I'd say that's the only way forward. You don't need him, and you shouldn't have to settle for being someone's second best.

He gets pissed off just because another guy made me smile, and treated my male best friend (who is gay) pretty badly cause I was paying more attention to him.

Sounds like X has a bit of maturity issues.

... it's cute.

It's cute that he's immature?

I hate to break it to you Ms. Reyairia, but someone like that isn't exactly boyfriend material. He sounds like a guy who has issues.

JohnHopkins is a wise dude.

It's not what they say, it's how they act. Worse, is the actions that are "thought out" really aren't indicators of what's really going on. So you gotta pick up on something that's not totally obvious.

All that aside, if it was meant to be-he'd be exerting as much effort as you right now.

I guess I have bad taste in men then. -shrug-

How old are you and your respective ex boyfriend?

I'm guessing you are both in your twenties or so.

But the fact that more or less you're letting him control you as such isn't exactly a healthy thing.

You are your own person, and as such for someone such as him to be jealous over a small issue of you smiling because of someone else is a red flag in my book.

I'm also going to agree with John Hopkins and JR, they both are right. If he was worth it, then he'd be exerting the effort, but as such, he isn't. He's stringing you along, seeing if you'll bite. But in my humble opinion, he's not worth it. Drop him, make him realize his immaturity and get away from him. Because if you don't, he could hurt you; mentally as well as physically.

I've found that "I don't know" in aspie talk means "I don't want to talk about it".

If he has broken up with you, he has no right to be jealous and considering his last comment, it doesn't sound like he is. I suggest that you take a break from him for a week or two to get your head straight. He has the best of both worlds, you and the other girl. You don't need to feed his ego while he's on to someone else.

I'm not going to say get over him, but some time apart will help.

I'm 18 and he's 19.


The thing that most people don't know is that I've let myself and was aware of myself doing it. I know it's not healthy but I didn't want him to get hurt once he realized he was alone, especially if he did still have feelings for me. I really love him with my all, I guess.


I'm not sure if he was half joking or not. Either way, it may be a turn off for anyone else and maybe rightfully so, but I always found it cute.


I agree in the first part, but I don't think he's a bad person like everyone's making him out to be. I would not let myself suffer for someone that is an as*hole because I'm smarter than that.


He's an NT as far as I know, a shy NT but I think an NT all the same.


The reason I'm mostly asking is because he gets jealous when he's in a good mood, but when he's in a bad one or in a "meh" mood he suddenly doesn't care anymore. Can someone tell me what this means?


We already have, and today I decided on a month break.

Ok, this guy sounds like an idiot. Apparently he seems a bit controlling as well. The jealousy sounds like it could be related to AS, but if it changes depending on his mood, then it can't be that.

He sounds like he needs to be gotten rid of, quickly. You should be able to find somebody else.

1) Okay. You're both still young teenagers then. That answers a lot of my questions
2) Evidently enough the fact that you still hold on to your "love" for him is what's allowing him to do this.
3) It shouldn't matter or not if he was joking. I'm playing devil's advocate here, which I don't like to do, I perfer to be blunt, but since you said don't tell me to break up, I'm looking at it from a few possible other angles. However those all keep coming back to one center point, him and his jealousy. last time I checked, (and this may be me being NT here, because I come off as more NT then AS, which I am AS, but more on the NT spectrum) no guy in their right mind will threaten another male friend even in joke because they're jealous. that's a warning sign for any female to watch out for, and any self respecting friends to make sure that this guy doesn't hurt her.
4) Rey. You may be smarter, but you're being blinded for your "love" for him, and I'm using the quotations because I'm thinking that on both ends it may be lust, not love that you're both feeling for each other with the breakup. I'm not saying that's what it is, I'm saying that's what it could be. My close and good friend is dealing with a similar situation with her ex, they dated for three weeks, then he broke up with her, then tried to be friends with her, only reason was he wanted her as a friends with benefits, and she told him no, and then stopped talking to her, now he's got a girlfriend, but he's trying to be all nice to her and whatnot and what you're talking about is relflecting similar to what she's dealing with.
5) Does he know that you have AS?
6) It means that he's an idiot. For him to be jealous in a good mood, but down in a bad mood, is evident of the fact that if he were to ask you out again, he'd be like this no matter what.
7) One can hope that this will do you both good. I will advise you not to even talk to him during the month, because if you do, it may hurt on both ends.

I'm going to say this as my final coda.

The way I see it, you are too young Rey to be this devoted to a man. You're still both young, and the whole long distance thing, LONG DISTANCE, you're here and he's there, you see each other........what? maybe once a month? that's a sign right there that it isn't meant to be. I would advise you to read "When God Writes Your Love Story," by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I don't care if you're a Christian or whatever, read it. you don't know how to maintain a relationship until that book speaks to you. Trust me on this. I read it.

He never threatened anyone, he just was somewhat of a jerk.

Considering that is, as I mentioned in the opening post, a long distance relationship, it's impossible for it to be lust, as I only knew what he looked like until after we started our relationship (and he's ok looking, leaning into ugly apparently - when you're in love you can't tell). And considering how much I love every detail of his personality, and how I'm allowing myself to suffer like this I highly, highly doubt it's lust.


Even if he were, I'd have to reject him unless he really proved he loved me. And if it were to happen, I don't think it would for at least another year.


a) we haven't met outside of the internet yet, though I hope to do so next summer.
b) A lot of people have gotten married from meeting on the internet.
c) Considering that I am fiercely anti organized religion, I would not feel comfortable at all reading it. Could you suggest to me a secular alternative?