This is how I see it is, and this is how it is.

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People.

I'm not one to get pissiant or anything like that, but unfortunately I think this needs to be said, after some of the postings I've seen, I feel this needs to be said.

I'm seeing way too much complaining on here. Now I'm not getting on your case for that, but for the fact that you're making yourselves all into hopeless cases here. Some of you, more so then others, and I find that annoying.

I'm not the type to name names, but I will point out a few topics that I find a bit of an off scale nuance. One of them being the whole discussion about how one of our fellow members here feels like women are conspiring against him.

My answer on that topic stands to as this: "You need to grow up and realize that this is real life, that the chips have fallen where they will, that this is not a soap opera where you go up to the person and tell them of your intent. The fact that you let that happen to yourself, shows that you are not mature enough to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, because you feel the need (and this is what I'm seeing from that topic) that you want to sleep with whoever is available and somehow validate yourself. I need you to take a look in the mirror and realize that you don't need a relationship to be happy right now, what you need to do is realize you are a remarkable person, who just needs to grow up a bit and everything will be good."

The next topic that comes to mind is the topic that almost looks and sounds exactly like the whole conspiracy that women have, only he thinks that it's almost like a double standard for some reason.

My answer to that is: "You came on too strong when you said that you were interested in pursuing a relationship with her, and her way of saying issues was that she wanted to be nice to you without making you feel bad that she out right rejected you. Maybe she did have issues, but the fact that you came off right off the bat and told her, is not the smartest thing you could have done, you wait for a while before telling someone that, otherwise they'll just think you're a desperate kid who wants and seeks love and attention and that relationships are for you to feel better about yourself."

These two come to mind as the most important that need to be discussed here, because of the fact that you're getting worried about not being able to get in a relationship, and it bugs you. You're obsessing way too much, about something that is so insignificant that yet for AS it's a big deal, and you're putting yourselves out there as the fact that you are desperate.

there are other things to this, but the main fact to this, is that there is one thing that can be done, let go, devote yourself to bettering yourself and making yourself more presentable, that way, you won't give off the aura of someone who is desperate, who is wanting a relationship for the sake of wanting. Become a new, bold, envisioned man.

I would argue that in order to love yourself you have to be loved by others. Just like in Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Love and Belonging comes before Self-Esteem. Also note that sex is on the same level as food and water. Lol.

I agree that there should be no "telling someone you're interested." If you're going to be successful, the mutual interest is understood. From the moment you meet a person that you decide you're interested in, you have to treat the relationship differently. Often, you have to basically manipulate a girl into finding you attractive by flipping her switches in terms of what she is attracted to. If you don't get the girl to be attracted to you right off the bat, the chances of her becoming attracted to you are slim. You can't just tell a girl, "Oh, I'm attracted to you," and expect her to rationalize your statement and think to herself, "Hmm... This guy is attracted to me. Can I become attracted to him?" No! Doesn't happen!

Having gone a lifetime without sex and 6 months without enough sleep, I can tell you right now which one's more important: sleep. By FAR.

When you're lacking in sleep, NOTHING ELSE matters. Other needs may emerge in periods of wakefulness, but with a pervasive somnolence, they are often brushed to the side. I've even found myself skipping/greatly delaying meals due to sleepiness.


I know that Maslow's hierarchy of needs isn't the real discussion here. To that discussion, I will say: (since this thread is as much about people complaining as it is about actions)

Almost everyone gets overemotional at times, and everyone needs to vent at some point. If they feel comfortable venting here, why not? I can look back to the things that I've written and easily see emotion's distortion on reality.

Well none of us were there and witnessed the whole exchange. It's a trick thing, the not seeming too interested, too early, and aspies aren't generally good at trickery. Shall we hold the front page?

I also feel there's too much whinging some days, but if you can't whinge here, where can ya?

I'm good at being wise after the fact, or in situations I'm not personally involved in. But in action, it's a different story.

Gamester...

That's precisely what I have been thinking about one guy lately! (one mind you) yes I do think he's too romance-imature to be in a commited relationship. If he complains or tries to get it off his chest, then great, we all do. On the other hand, dwelling on that non stop, for the rest of his life, is phsycologicaly bad, and just leads to disaster and depression. God only knows when he started doing it. It does annoy me when we females are labeled as some sneeky, selfish, gold digging object rather than a human being.

Gamester said:
"..they'll just think you're a desperate kid who wants and seeks love and attention and that relationships are for you to feel better about yourself."

Yes, I do think that because he is. I don't mean a child. I mean an actual adult here.

Gamester, I was thinking the same thing, and if I could be bothered I would repost my reply to one of the other threads, which amounted to 'this is how the world works. Get over it.'


So many of the people on here - and this doesn't apply just to sexual relationships - limit themselves because of their disability.

I see so many posts that are 'I would do x, but because I'm asperger's I don't know how/wouldn't be able to.'

BS. Obviously there are some things that some of us just won't be able to do, and that's it. But we can push the boundaries.

I went through the first 17 years of my life not knowing I had Asperger's syndrome, and I was regularly in social situations, and I dated and slept with several women, and I played live onstage numerous times. These are all things that people here could do if they put their mind to it and stopped thinking of themselves as having lost in advance. The simple fact that I didn't KNOW I had Asperger's was what meant I could do these things.

So when I got diagnosed, I didn't see it as a disappointment. I saw it as a release. I thought, "right, so that's why I'm the way I am - so let's change it." I used it as an excuse to push my boundaries, to break the stereotype. And the other people here could do that too.

Don't wallow in a stereotype you've created for yourself.

I just visited a couple of those possible threads, and I must agree, they are a little obsurd. It's always gotta be someone else's fault doesn't it. For alot of women, it's not very wise for a man to say "I'm sexualy interested in you" on the first encounter, because it will be taken as "I want to have sex with you. Now." (that's a little creepy, imo. I'd be like 'WT..?!') If he just says "I'm interested in dateing you." mm ok then. Some like bold and forward. To persue attention that doesn't want you does indeed look like desperation. How could it not?