Why does this always happen to me?

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Ok, I meet someone i'm interested in having a reltionship with. I let her know I'm interested, but she says she is not ready for a reltionship, she has her own issues to work out, ect. so we stay friends.

Then a short time later, my firend I'm interested in tells me about this great guy she met and wants to go out with and date him. All of a sudden, her "issues" that she had to work out goes away because she met someone she is interested in. Now for him she does not have any "issues" but she still does with me. Total double standard. Always happens to me.

Women here is some advice: If you are not interested in a guy, say so upfront. Don't tell us you want to be "just friends" or 'have issues" when all you are trying to do is reject us. Being misleading about it shows you have no respect for us.

er...........no, it's they're way of not wanting to hurt you and hope you'll get it.

I'm hurt more from there dishonesty and making me think there is a chance of us having a reltionship as friends ect when they don't mean that at all.

Ah, yes. The supposed "language" of women. Basically, if they tell you they want to be *just* friends, they have no romantic feelings for you at all. In your case, it also seems like saying that they have "issues" is also another way of saying "let's just be friends." The problem I see with your situation, however, is it seems like you feel as though they're almost "rubbing it in your face" (that's how I oftentimes feel) that they're dating someone who is not you. Does this seem accurate?

I would tell you, I do not think we can speak anymore, but take care of yourself. Possibly, or something to the effect of feeling very uncomfortable. My friend I grew up with tried to kiss me, we haven't spoken in 18months. Perhaps I should call him one time. Not sure what to say though, I am thoroughly ridiculous might be a good start. Or, oh I don't know, why would he do that though? I thought we were sort of brother and sister or maybe he was like a friend who likesmen more than women. Oh I don't know. I'm cuffuduled about this.

You might of come on too strongly and made yourself look desperate.

I always thought like that too. But now I think it may just be an aspie thing, NTs would be able to pick up the coded signal easily and appreciate the tact. But we can't see the signal and feel deceived.

There is no "feeling" deceived about it. it is deceiving. Plain and simple. If people were upfront with each other then mis understandings would not happen. If the person does not respect you enough to be honest with you. Then that person is not worth your time to begin with.

And yes, I feel its wrong for them to reject me without even giving me a chance and almost immediatly going out with someone else.

True ....so true.

And Men here is some advice: If a girl tells you that she wants to be "just friends" or "have issue" then stop pursuing them like morons and stop having hope like naiive idiots and be honest with the girl that you don't want to be just friends but much more than that. Being misleading it shows you have no respect for them and for your manhood.

I agree. I hate lies, including white lies.

You see, when you tell me lies, it makes me distrustful of anything that sounds like a compliment.

I've even gotten angry over praise before, all because of white lies. I have a message for all the white liars out there: we're not stupid. You don't seem to realize that you're turning us into monsters.

I may be wrong here, but as far as I see it deceiving you implies an intent for you not to understand. It's like if you miss sarcasm they aren't deceiving you, you just misinerpreted their meaning.

From the Lexicon of Femspeak...

"Let's just be friends." == "Let's just be nice to each other in a shallow and superficial way, because I'm not interested in you in any romantic sense."

"I'm not ready for a relationship." == "I'm not ready for a relationship with you."

"I have issues." == "I have issues with the two of us becoming any closer."

One thing I forgot to mention. I usally get interested in someone after getting to know them for a little while. I tell them " I have trouble reading people, be totally honest with me, be blunt. I can take it"

But they still don't get it and they try and sugar coat it.

Women generally have "orbiters" or guys who they go to when they have problems just so they can vent, but who they arent attracted to. Now, if you're trying to pursue a women, naturally you dont want to be labeled an orbiter.

The key to this is how you react when a women starts telling you about something that gives her bad feelings. Instead of trying to give her solutions or going "aww you poor thing, tell me more", just be positive and change the topic.

Positive is the key word here, if you just act like you're avoiding the topic, it wont work and she'll think you dont care about her. you sort of need to just brush it off and do something to cheer her up instead of allowing her to wallow in her bad emotions.

That's the thing. The phrase "let's just be friends" means "I'm not attracted to you" in Womenspeak, just as "como estás" means "how are you" in Spanish. The message is the same; only the words are different. Just as you're expected to know what "como estás" means when you're traveling to Mexico, you're expected to know what "let's just be friends" means when you're talking to a woman.

I agree. This has always bugged me also. Think about it ... I would never start a relationship like that friendship or intimate with the false presumption that "kindness' was involved.

I am much more kind to those who say "you know it's not gonna happen" and then follow up with some objective criticism ... "you're just too nice" ... the more you observe and learn the closer you will come to realizing the subtle things that make the difference ... and sadly a lot of the reason we (AS) don't get relationships is because of the fact we want intimacy more than just a f**k friend ... and so we do not f**k right away ... and thus it is easy for women who are easily more honey than us to go onto the next guy who will f**k them ... a lot of women validate themselves through sexual intercourse ... it is very empowering for them o get that quick fix ... and guys are the same way .... it's a dirty habit really ... yet I am fascinated by it ... honestly to think all these years one of the only things I lacked was a "sex drive" ... hmm ... interesting though ... I have one but am too reserved with it ... meh, I don't know .... personally I would call her out on her s**t with a strong voice ... "Hey, I don't get it ... if you wanted to just be friends you should have told me" then wait for a response ... if it is legitimate and rational then give her a bone ... if it is not and just her beating around the bush ... say something cold and direct like "I am disappointed, of all the girls I though you might be different, just another scab" ...

A scab is those who basically f**k you up and then you form a scab ... something like that ... s**t I dunno I am too tired to think right now ... just heed my advice don't let them drag you around .. if it talks like a duck, walks like a duck ...

-zane