Why I wait...

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PreScript: I'm not trying to complain about being single, go all emo about it, give advice, or publish a thesis on why some environmental factor that we can't control is invariably to blame (even though I have been found guilty of all of those in other threads). I just wanted to explain my line of thinking to other people, as I've recently taken criticism for my "wait a month before starting" ideology. Anyway, here goes...

From what I've observed, it's a common phenomenon for NT's to "test the waters", so to speak; to date other people until the one they believe is right comes along. In order to do this, they have to play that stupid dating game to try and discern the other's feelings. In their eyes, dating should begin almost immediately after meeting someone if the initial physical attraction exists, hence the existence of the vaunted "friend zone".

That's not what I want to see. I want to see any potential woman in her natural environment. I want to see how she would react to everyday situations, not some trumped up dinner scenario. That's why I want to wait a while and interact "normally" (as opposed said trumped up dating situations). I want to get to know her in this environment, and hopefully, she would also get to know me in the same manner. By participating in any activities that we both have interest in, we would be going into any relationship already working from a common point.

That's what it would be like in an ideal world anyway. Too bad reality hates idealism...

Waaaaaaay overthinking this.

I don't know, you need to keep your foot in the door, otherwise it might shut on you.
I see what you mean, though, but from hanging out with her on dates you could get the same thing, nobody said once you start dating it has to be smooth sailing from here on.

While I can appreciate the process and approach... I can't find it having a great deal of success. Might I venture a suggestion, and use your skills of observation on women on a more general basis, and try applying those to the individual on a shorter length of familiarity? What you describe makes some sense to me, but seems impractical; the timing will be odd for most partners, I would think, for one thing. However, what works for you is most important - it is your choice and your happiness!


M.

Dating system: Girl keeps rejecting the guys till she's asked out by the 'right' guy.
The more you improve yourself the more you have a chance to be spotted as 'the right guy' , the rejected should keep trying if they want a gf.

Guy asks out girl---> No ---> guy asks out another girl

Guy asks out girl---->Yes---> Date ---> failure ----> guy asks out another girl

Guy asks out girl---->Yes---> Date ---> success----> Relationship


This how it works, you can't change the world Toad, you need to adapt to it.


This 'observing a specific girl on a daily basis in order to know her personality' method doesn't work, she will be taken before you finish your first part of your own anayltic observation, you are burning your last chances like this especially if you keep like this when you get older (to age 25).

Sounds good to me, ToS. That's pretty much the conclusion I've come to.

I disagree w/ the interpretations in your middle paragraph, but they're not essential to your arguments, I don't think.

Dating is two people looking their best and on their best behavior for 2 to 3 hours. Basically it tells you squat about a person, unless you can pick up on subtle clues or intend on dating very frequently.

I've dated wonderful, charming guys who INRL turned into psycho nutcases if the girl at the drive-through forgot the ketchup packets for their cheeseburger. Some people can be wonderful actors/actresses. I married one.

If you want to know what a person is really like watch how they handle real life, things like breaking down on the highway, getting stuck in traffic, or getting short-changed at Burger King... watch how they treat those around them, and whether they're kind to animals. That can tell you more than a charming date ever will.

I'm a little baffled by this thread.

Could someone please explain what 'dating' means in this context.

I can understand some of the comments if they are referring only to the 'first date'. But after that surely you are beginning to relax and get to know each other.

The OPs view may work if you are only going to date friends but your supply of datable fiends could run low quite quickly.

For someone you don't know dinner at a restaurant works. It's neutral ground, no one is invading anyone else's space. It's quiet enough to talk. There are other people around so there is an element of safety, it is not affected by the weather.

Of course people dress up and are on their best behaviour. It's like a job interview. The main objective is to figure out whether or not it is worth conducting a second interview.

If you get to second date stage you can suggest something different that helps you see how you react to each others interests.
Maybe a visit to a park, museum, gallery, concert, exhibition.

Going on a date should be fun. You could go for a wacky idea straight away. That saves time as you immediately weed out those not prepared to try something different.

I'm guessing that your 'dating' is some American ritual that I don't understand

Dating is where you see a girl and ask her out to dinner. The guy pays and you have a conversation and decide from that if you want to see them again.

As far as dating your friends, this isn't what MOST people expect so your chances are going to be fewer if you decide to take that route. Although you might have more success when you DO get in a relationship, if your first relationship is at 25 with a girl that's been in 3 serious relationships by that time...your going to be far "inferior" to her as far as experience goes and it has a low chance of working out.

I've got the same type of thought pattern, so I know where your coming from.
Dating is designed for getting married and all that.
You can't take it so seriously though. You have to date just to date, even knowing ahead of time that she's not the girl for you. You simply go "for the experience". That way, when the right girl does come around, you will know because you've got past experience to base it on.

Basically, don't date someone only if they are a "good match". If they have anything to offer at all (like dating experience or a personality type you haven't been around before) then I'd go for it.

Sometimes, TOS, just getting to know someone in a "non-dating" situation (could you describe that better) could backfire, because the girl you meet will be responding to this artificial situation in a way that may not be at all like she would in a relationship. She could feel some vibes like your interested in her but not, and it could scare her or confuse her and then she might act in ways you won't like, all due to your own setup.

I've been on the other side of behavior that I believe is what you are doing and I kept finding myself thinking, "This is not the usual me coming out. What's going on here?"

You can't be part of a clinically controlled experiment and the behavior doesn't seem honest. You'll probably give her mixed messages in your scenario which will confuse her or even scare her if she starts to take an interest in you. People do not behave at their best when they are scared and confused. So, you'll be kind of setting things up for the worst, which is not fair to her.

Just be natural and ask for what you want up front: dating is a start at getting to know someone. If that's what you want ask for a date.

We're not immortal.

I don't have a month to waste observing a prospective girlfriend at a distance.

I see a girl that is appealing to the eye, I go up to meet her. It takes me only a few minutes to guage her personality.

Forget your currect train of thought. It'll get you nowhere.

See tis World ALL TRUE
itz never known a name
cause tell me how its supposed to be
See here how it is.. the story goes on
Like sick spinnin tis wheel on 'n 'on
On 'n on this is how it is 'n (ALL TRUE)..

Last night couldnt sleep
Tried sleepin in my own bed
Wake n freeze dark shadow right over me
"HELL"
The bed side lamp turns on by itself
HELP
Wake up GET HELP Whatevr you do dont go back to sleep
HELL Wake up Wake Up..
mm so tired.. so tired I I I cant just too tired..
Sickly fallin to sleep
UNTIL...
My sneaky lil Black Kitty.. lil black n white Bonny is my Kitty..
Comes pushin n pushin her lil paws into me
I wake up
HELL.. whats she doin keeps pushin into me
'n her freaky night eyes staring straight into me
Play Play Pat Pat is that you Bonny
"Hell" my cats possessed..
Too smoochy for me.. get away
She go lay in her lil kitty basket
With the light on Im staring all around watching shadows 'n voices
'n especially my lil kitty evil eyes glaring right back at me
She lays down 'n only see her pointy lil ears sticking up
Still not sure..
One hour more n its safe to go back to sleep..
Another sick sleep
In my own bedroom

Tonite, however, m playin safe..
Like always sleepin in my bedroom on the sofa lounge
No lamps.. no need cas there is no doors

Please "see my side" *j Sparks
*God loves ugly
*tattoo..
*permanent Monday
*next to you ..

crazy with da bottle in my hand 'n a hard slappin on my sugared sexy FAT A$$