wait for an ex or date anew

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How long should you wait after a relationship ends before you start dating again?

I dont want to date again while there is a chance that my ex will change their mind and come back, but how long should I wait before I decide there is no hope and move on.

I also think it is not healthy to move between relationships too quickly, as one needs time to heal and learn lessons. However getting a new love is the quickest/easiest way to get over an ex and feel better.

what are your opinions on when its best to date again?

Only you can answer that. Once you're ready, you should know whether to hold on to hope, or to move on and find another.

I usually hold on to hope for a long time but keeping my options open regardless

Depends on your current life circumstances and the nature of the relationship you had really.

I think if you have come out of a long relationship (1+ years) sometimes its best to adjust to life being single again else you can inadvertantly go into another relationship with similair expectations to your previous relationship.
It can be quite strange adjusting to being single again, especially if you have not had such a large period of being single in quite awhile. Since late January this year this is probably the longest i've been single in 5 years (scary! ) So the novelty factor of being single hasn't quite worn off with me yet.

If its been a relationship that lasted a few months then it just depends what is going on in your life that moment whether you wish to pursue a relationship or get back to concentrating on other pursuits. I find they tend to be accidental inadvertant incidents that you stumble into not planned pre-meditated actions that you take. The factor greatly increases the more outgoing and prepared you are to meet other people in various circumstances be that online or greeting people while out and about.

PS (Sorry I've been a bit slack e-mailing you lotus)

Well I wonder now why I didn't think of coming back down south sooner to be honest. I think the only reason I stayed up in Yorkshire was because of the relationship. So things have worked out better for me. Whereas I don't think I could say the same for the other half. I don't mean that out of spite, I just can see the realities of her situation have suddenly dawned on her and she took for granted having someone encouraging and sometimes "pushing" her to do things. But if she is seeking to be more independent she will need to become more self relient so its up to her now to succeed or fail in her pursuit of becoming a tattoist.


Its difficult in your circumstances really. Whereas you have your two children and are quite assertive in what you want to get I suspect Tom doesn't really understand himself or what he wants out of life that easily, and so he doesnt have the foundation on which to be assertive and decisive. I still think of that time I went to see him in coventry and his mother spoke to me about him in 3rd person with him present. It gave me the impression she viewed him still as a child and not an adult which made me feel quite uncomfortable. He didn't really notice when I pointed this out to him. I'd just be mortified if my mother spoke about me to strangers like that infront of me.

I dunno I think tom would benefit to go on some kind of sabbatical get out explore the world get some life experiance.

Change can discomfort me. But on the otherhand I think stagnation and continuity of similairity can be a hell of its own. Part of why I went backpacking and have lived away from here for so long is I grew bored of my surroundings and sought new experiances. Sometimes you grow too comfortable with the safety and expectation of things being the same to the detrement of your own growth as a person.

Being Aspie does make it hard to know when.

Hard to accept change, etc. Never easy. Probably means staying out of a relationship for a little longer than the typical NT person.

The last relationship I had was in 2005. I'm just trying to sort my self out before finding someone. People are different regardless whether or not you are Aspie, or NT or somewhere on the scale

I'd say as long as you have these hopes of getting back together... maybe you shouldn't date. Dating "seriously" or whatever. But seeing as that's all I seem capable of... I'd be fine being alone.

Aye i've no excuse seeing as MK is half n hour up the road.

Everyone's given really good advice - I especially agree with what Laz said about inadvertently getting into a new relationship with the same characteristics as the last one if you move to fast.

All that said though, I have in the past been on a date with a new person the very day I was dumped by the last one (more than once!). I've always moved on immediately and suffered no ill from it. If my ex doesn't realize that I'm a catch then I'm not going to stay at home mourning it. I have found they if they want to come back, they do, regardless of whether I've dated someone else after them. It seems to make no difference.