crushed by little things?

Post Reply New Topic

Ever find yourself put out of whack by relatively tiny little things....so that they start a chain reaction of negative thinking and eclipse all the positives?...most particulary as pertaining to romantic relationships....?

We have a tropical storm that just headed into my area, and i called my friend this morning to see if he was really heading into work despite the big news about the tropical storm all over the place....and he snapped at me that he couldn't talk because he was trying to get ready for work...and I was not used to him snapping at me like that...and I have felt really cruddy ever since...I especially feel stupid about giving him cause to snap at me in the first place...what was I thinking calling him in the morning when he was getting ready for work?...Do i really want to be that overbearing of a person?...So i have been in sorta a depressive cycle ever since, and am trying to get over it....

I hope i did not irritate him too badly...but can't stop thinking about it

what your doing is perseverating, a feature of AS.
it is normal.
what do you do?
accept that this i snormal and try and dustract yourself. i do it as well, and i tell myself to stop and move on.

I get crushed when I don't hear from a friend for x number of days.

And that's with friendships as well, not just relationships.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 05 Aug 2008, 1:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

When I feel like I said something wrong but I have not to worried about it anymore.

Maybe you were the third person in a row asking the question, that can be annoying. And people can be grumpy when interrupted in important things.

Just call him tomorrow and make an apology for disturbing him and ask how things are going.

I know the guilt feeling, but surprisingly a lot of people do not feel bad toward me after a bad interruption. Probably Aspies are too sensitive about it?

My issue is that little things can put me in a state of mind to think about and dwell on the big things that I try so hard to repress that really crush me.

sorry?

My boyfriend is an Aspie and little things often get him down and lead into this spiral of negative thinking, similar to the episodes that you described. I tend to find that changing the subject onto something that he likes helps alot and he forgets he was ever on a downward spiral in the first place.
However; you're not at all overbearing in phoning him out of concern to check if he was seriously considering going to work during that tropical storm. It was a normal and actually quite thoughtful thing to do, him snapping at you appears to be bang out of order. I get really bad nightmares and once phoned my Aspie boyfriend at 3:20am and he didn't mind in the slightest bless him.
Do NOT blame yourself for your friend/boyfriend snapping at you!

My boyfriend is an Aspie and little things often get him down and lead into this spiral of negative thinking, similar to the episodes that you described. I tend to find that changing the subject onto something that he likes helps alot and he forgets he was ever on a downward spiral in the first place.
However; you're not at all overbearing in phoning him out of concern to check if he was seriously considering going to work during that tropical storm. It was a normal and actually quite thoughtful thing to do, him snapping at you appears to be bang out of order. I get really bad nightmares and once phoned my Aspie boyfriend at 3:20am and he didn't mind in the slightest bless him.
Do NOT blame yourself for your friend/boyfriend snapping at you!

thanks...he called later from work and left me a message apologising for not being able to talk...but i got the message after several hours of keeping my cell phone off and being in a cycle of painfully beating myself up over many things that pertain to the unsusal circumstances of our friendship... I felt so out of sorts that I was not able to call him back
Ah well....I am a mountain out of molehill maker..I am doing good for myself and others when I am able to just contain it inside my head.....la la la

This was pretty much the story of my only relationship, at a point when I was at the brink with neuroticism. Taught me a lesson for life, I s'pose.

it takes practice to get over...i am still practicing....

i get so flustered that the overthinking on negativity starts immediately and i have to look away from the person as soon as they snap at me... and then i just am unraveled. i get such a physical urge to cry that i just can't react. i try my best to just keep quiet maybe apologize and then go obsess over it or try and find something to do as soon as i can remove myself from the conversation.

I have a problem with overanalysing things that the person in question they involve even aware of. So they might give some nonverbal cue that makes me think, "Oh crap, maybe this means they actually don't like me!" when really it wasn't about me at all. I get so bloody obsessive about the tiniest things. "Oh this combines with this combines with this...." I've just learned not to always trust my instincts. XD Sometimes I am right...and sometimes I am just being an idiot. I trust in my ability to misunderstand people and blow things out of proportion, and try not to let it affect my actual behavior.

To the OP: Yes I do get my feelings hurt easily. If it helps - in your case I do not think you did a thing wrong. You expressed concern. He may have felt fear and it came out through his being snappish. A lot of people don't want to admit if they feel afraid if they think they shouldn't feel that way.

I think he's the one who made a bit of a blunder snapping at your innocent phone call but it doesn't sound like he meant to. He was just having a bad morning. But if it helps, I don't think you were wrong to phone and check if he was okay. (Or was going to be okay i.e. safe.) I think it's nice when friends do that and this was an unusual occasion so I don't think he snapped because you were overbearing. If you called him every morning that might be. But you didn't.

I do tend to get my feelings hurt easily but what I do is tell myself there is probably a good explanation for why the person was rude and I wait for them to explain or apologise. If they don't, I tell myself something like the above scenario. Although if their being rude is their usual demeanor I usually distance myself.

i am sure you didn't. but this happens to me all the time. i keep thinking about it, tell myself that the other person prob didn't give it a second thought, then i get angry that they didn't give it a second thought and snapped at me in the first place and made me freak out, and so on and so on.

teeny things like this will ruin my entire day. i know they are teeny things, but i can't seem to stop myself.